Everywhere Everything
by just.say.you're.not.into.it
Summary: Join Carolina on her search for her father.  Includes The Maine, A Rocket to the Moon, etc.  Original characters from previous stories.
1. All By Yourself

**My Sweet Carolina,**

**You're eighteen today, which means you are legally an adult! I have considered you an adult since you were fifteen though, when you started taking care of me. There is so much in your life that I wish I could change for you, but I can't. If you are reading this letter; that means that I am gone. Do yourself a favor: Don't be sad. Remember the happy times we had. Eighteen years ago I got the best gift I could have ever asked for. Even though I wasn't prepared, I wouldn't change anything about our relationship, except maybe that I would still be there with you. I want desperately to meet the boy you marry, to hold my grandkids, and yeah, I know you say don't want any, but I bet once you meet the right guy, things will change. That is what happened for me. I avoided talking about your father for eighteen years. I didn't want to relive my times with him, but as a parting gift, I will finally tell you about your father. I will relive my moments with him one more time for you. Every year for your birthday since I can remember when I asked you what you wanted for your birthday, you always replied with the same answer. You would look at me with your big blue eyes and always reply with, "My dad." It will take a while, but I promise you, by the end of all of this, you will understand your dad a little more. Do yourself a favor and go look under the loose floorboard that you used to keep your Star Wars action figures in. **

**Do what it says.**

**Never forget how much I love you, Carolina. **

**Keep your head up,**

**Mom.**

I stared at the letter for a while. I had to keep reminding myself to breathe. My mom died two months ago. She had cancer, and it was the worst thing I have ever had to go through. I only imagine it had to be worse for her. My mom's name was Lena Morris. She died when she was 40 years old. 40 is awful young to me.

She loved me more than life itself and made sure I had everything I needed. She raised me by herself, with a little help from my grandmother. My grandmother was the one who gave me the note from my mom. She handed it to me with a sour face that I now understood. She had a large distaste for my father. She only met him once, but she knew that he wasn't good for my mom. My mom always talked highly of my father though, when I could get her to talk about him that is.

I placed the note in a bin on my desk, where I kept my favorite memories of my mom and then grabbed a screwdriver. I walked the few steps to the loose floorboard in the main hallway. The board was wedged in there pretty hard, because my mom obviously didn't know the trick to getting it in there easily. I never got a chance to show her. I grabbed the envelope out of the secret hiding place and examined the outside. My name was written in her elegant print, along with "Happy Birthday!" I carefully slid the contents of the package out into my lap. 5,000 dollars, a plane ticket to Phoenix, Arizona, an address and a picture of the two of us. I stared at the contents. Was this my dad's address? Did my dad live in Phoenix?

The plane left in two days.

I guess I would find out then.

I hope my mom knew what she was doing. I sure as hell didn't.


	2. Baby Blue Eyes

Pacing. This is what I had resorted to. I had been working up the nerve to ring the doorbell for twenty minutes. Compared to Seattle, Tempe was a sauna. I was melting and I am sure my make-up was all over the place. The house I was looking at was picture perfect, but who lived inside?

What if it was my dad's house? What if he had 5 kids and a wife and there was no room for me in his life? Who else's house could it be? I looked at the sheet of paper with the address on it, wishing my mom had given me some sort of warning of what I was getting myself into. I stopped pacing when the door started to slowly open. A short brunette with piercing brown eyes visible all the way across the lawn smiled at me. Step mom?

"I took off of work just in case you came today," she said. She didn't sound happy to see me, she sounded sad.

"Just in case?" I asked, taking a step towards her and then stopping. I didn't know this person. She ignored my question.

"Come on in, Carolina," she smiled, gesturing towards the door.

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" I asked, realizing how it rude it sounded as soon as it came out of my mouth.

"I'll explain it all inside," she said, waiting for me to take those last few steps into her perfect home.

Once inside, I awkwardly waited for her to show me where to go. I was socially awkward which meant that meeting new people made me uncomfortable, especially if this woman could be my stepmother.

"We didn't know when to expect you. Your mom left all of us envelopes with dates on them for just in case." the lady sighed, motioning for me to follow her.

"You keep saying 'Just in case.' What do you mean?" I asked, setting my bag down on the barstool next to the one I took a seat on.

"Your mom has had this planned ever since she found out she had cancer. All of us got an envelope with a specific date on it. We didn't know what year you would come, though. We didn't know when she would go," she said. It looked like she was about to tear up.

"What do you mean when you say, 'All of us.' There are more people? My mom left an envelope? I am not following a word you are saying." I just stared at this strange lady talking gibberish.

"God, I am messing this up, aren't I?" She asked, wiping the corner of her eye with her fingertip. "She picked me to go first because she thought I would be the best at explaining, but here I am, mucking this up."

"So, you and my mom were close?" I asked, taking the glass of water she offered me.

"We were. We used to be, at least," she answered, propping her elbows up on the counters, and resting her chin on her hands.

"When was the last time you saw her?" I asked.

"I think I am supposed to give you this letter first, and you are supposed to ask questions after. I think I remember her saying that," she said, reaching for an envelope I hadn't even noticed. The same elegant print my mother always used adorned the front of the envelope. It simply had my name on it.

"Do you mind if I…?" I asked, pointing to the living room.

"Oh, you stay here!" she said, with a smile. "I need to go tell my husband you're here."

As soon as she was gone, I carefully opened the envelope. I expected there to be more than one sheet of paper. My mother was a writer, after all. A few of her books even made the best sellers wall in many bookstores. I was disappointed with her one sheet of paper.

**My sweet Carolina,**

**If I know anything at all, I know that Sophia has done a pitiful job of filling you in. That is why I chose her to be your first stop. I selfishly wanted the task of explaining this journey I am asking you take. Another thing I would be willing to bet is that she was so caught up in making you feel welcome she forgot to introduce herself. Sophia Santino is her name, and she is a friend of mine. We met in Tempe twenty years ago. Her husband, who I assume hasn't made an appearance yet, is Nick. Nick and Sophia have only met you once, right after you were born. We lost contact with each other throughout the years, but as you know, I lost contact with everyone. **

**As you can see, I brought you to Tempe. I can imagine it is about 108 degrees there. Different from Seattle, right? Believe me, I know. You will get used to it. You may be there a little while.**

**I understand that you are confused as to why I sent you to a foreign state to meet complete strangers. The answer is simple. These strangers you are going to meeting during the next few weeks will be your key to finding more out about your father, and more about me. They are some of the greatest people I know, and they know your father and me more than anyone else in the world. Nick and Sophia are the starting point of your little tour. After you are done reading this, they will hand you another envelope with another address and a date on it. Carolina, please pay attention to this next part, because I know you. I know you don't have a lot of patience and I know you don't like playing by the rules, but please listen to me. Please don't try to do everything on your own. Please stick to the dates and the order that I give you things. If you don't everything will end up a mess. Please do this for me. **

**Feel free to ask any of these people questions. I hope you fall in love with them just as I have. **

**I promise, the next stop is where the story begins. I have written my last novel, and you will get it in pieces. It took me a long time to set all of this up. I hope you learn everything you can from these people. **

**I love you.**

**Until next time,**

**Mom.**

I unzipped my backpack, took out the box I kept my mom's keepsake box in and stuffed the letter in there. I took a moment to collect my thoughts before I went looking for Sophia. I walked through the small hallway I entered earlier and found both Sophia, and who I assumed to be Nick, sitting on their couch. They both stood as I entered, and Nick stuck his hand out.

"I'm Nick," he smiled at me. I shook his hand and returned the smile, looking from him to Sophia.

"And you're Sophia?" I asked her. She facepalmed and nodded her head.

"I knew I forgot something," she chuckled.

"She's scatterbrained sometimes," Nick joked, and earned an elbow to the rib. I laughed and took a seat across from them.

I looked around and saw family portraits from earlier days. Nick, not that he was unattractive now, used to be a fox.

"You have a kid?" I asked, motioning towards a picture. Both of their faces lit up.

"We have one," Nick said. "Amelia. She goes to ASU. She's too cool to stay at home. I don't get it though. I always thought we were cool parents!"

"We used to be," Sophia shrugged.

"She's pretty,**" **I commented on a picture on top of the fireplace.

"Thank you," Sophia said. "So are you. You look so much like your mom."

I smiled. I took that as a compliment since my mom has always been drop dead gorgeous.

"You got everything from her but the eyes," Nick said, lounging back on the couch. A-ha! Not only did they know my mom, they knew my dad.

The one question that I have been dying to ask since I could remember finally found out its way out of my mouth. "Does he know about me?"

It merely came out above a whisper, but Nick heard me.

"No," he sighed. "It's been hell trying to keep it away from him for eighteen years. I've almost slipped up a few times, and I'm not the only one."

Why did my mom want to keep me a secret from him? It wasn't fair. Didn't I deserve a father?

Nick and Sophia asked me to stay for dinner. They missed having a kid in the house. I didn't blame them. I missed having adults around. My grandmother didn't count. She was pure crazy.

It took a while, but they finally started talking about my dad.

"He was a musician?" I asked, stabbing another piece of broccoli with my fork.

"He is a musician," Nick corrected me and smiled.

"Are you a musician?" I asked, suddenly intrigued. Music was a big part of my life, and the fact that my father was in a band; it just made my life 10 times better.

"I am," Nick nodded.

"What was the name of your band?" I asked.

"A Ro-"

"No details like that," Sophia said, covering Nick's mouth with her hand. Nick licked it and she cringed. I laughed. They were cute together.

"Why can't I know?" I asked.

"Yeah, why can't she know?"

"I'm just going to go google his name when I get to my hotel," I confessed.

"We can't stop you from doing that," Sophia shrugged, "but your mom told us to keep the details vague for a reason. I wouldn't if I were you. Your mom knows what she is doing."

I nodded. I guess my mom did know what she was doing.

After dinner and a three hour chat, it was time for me to go. I thanked Sophia and Nick for dinner and gave them each a hug. I promised them I would come back to see them before I went back to Seattle.

Sophia slipped the envelope into my hand and kissed my cheek.

"Have fun at your next stop," Nick said. "They're crazy."

I smiled and opened the envelope. Another address. Another date. Tomorrow.

I guess tomorrow I was meeting crazy people. Tomorrow the real story begins.


	3. Let It Ride

Sorry it took so long. Some of this was written by Rosie! Don't forget to comment!

/\\/\\

Now that I had the first visit out the way, I was more prepared for this one. Anxious would be a better word for what I was, I suppose. I was anxious to read my mom's last novel. I would be the only person on the face of the Earth to read her last work. I didn't know what to expect.

As soon as the taxi pulled up to a two-story house in the middle of nowhere, I hopped out and paid. As I pulled the backpack tighter over my shoulder, I felt my stomach tighten. For the first time in my life I felt a twinge of doubt about my desire to discover my dad's identity. He might be a musician, but what if he was Chad Kroeger or something? Clearly I was panicking. But it would just be really nice if it wasn't Chad Kroeger. That would be gross since he would have been twice my mom's age if they did date. I made my way up the walkway and rang the doorbell, wiping the sweat off my forehead. I heard voices from the other side of the door and instinctively tried to look through the glass to see who it was. I didn't recognize the brown-haired man who answered the door a second later, but I hadn't really expected to. I only got to meet one or two of her friends from her glory days.

"Carolina," the man said simply, smiling warmly. He looked at me for a second like I was making his day by simply standing in the doorway, which was certainly nice. Like Nick, this guy showed evidence of being a total babe in his day. "I'm Kennedy, your mom's friend. Come on in." He held out his hand, I shook it, and before I knew it I was being led into the house.

"Carolina!" a female voice exclaimed. I turned to see a middle-aged woman with wavy brown hair coming toward me with a smile, albeit a slightly sad one. Clearly, I was a reminder of the friend they had lost, even if they hadn't spoken to her in years. I felt like the grim reaper. Sophia had said they didn't know what year I was coming. So along with finding out more about my father, I was the angel of death. I brought bad new with me.

Kennedy walked over to who I assumed was his wife and put his arm around her waist.

"Carolina, this is my wife Peyton." Peyton reached out and gave me a swift hug, saying, "I really wish we could have met under better circumstances." As she said this, I saw Kennedy shoot her a look, but I ignored it. Two months wasn't long, but the awkward comments about my mom stung less and less each day.

Kennedy sat with me on the couch while his wife went to get my envelope. We made small talk about the Arizona heat and how bad both our local baseball teams were as I looked around their spacious living room. I spotted a beautiful picture of Peyton, Kennedy, and a boy and a girl about my age and another girl a few years older, in what I suspected was their backyard. I picked it up and was about to ask Kennedy about it when Peyton came running back from wherever she had gone, envelope in hand.

"Oh I see you found my favorite photo!" she said. "Our twins, Piper and Lucas. And Kennedy's daughter, Olivia." She looked at the photo with such warmth; you could tell they possessed her heart completely. The look on her face reminded me of the way my mom looked at me whenever we were sitting together watching soap operas, so I turned away quickly and sat down.

Kennedy took the envelope with my mom's beautiful writing on it and gently handed it to me, watching me carefully with warm, chocolate colored eyes. Peyton sat on the arm of the couch, biting her lip anxiously as she watched me unfold the letter. I paused and looked at both of them. I didn't mean to be a total bitch, but I wanted to be alone. I wanted it to be just me, alone with the words my mother left me with.

Kennedy seemed to get the hint before Peyton did. I guessed this when he picked her up and slung her over his shoulder.

"BUT I WANT TO SEE HER READ THIS," she yelled, pounding on Kennedy's back. "CAROLINA!"

"Don't worry, baby. I got something to show you in the bedroom," he chuckled. That shut her up. I didn't want to know what they were doing in the bedroom… I tried not to think about it.

This letter was longer than the last, thank god. The first page simply said, "The Beginning." I eagerly flipped the page to a hand written message. "Carolina, I was boy crazy back then. I hope you have better sense than I did. Also, my memory is a little foggy on some things, but I tried to keep it as close to real life as I could." I smiled and flipped the page. This was it. This was really happening.

**Friday nights were always the highlight of my weeks. My uncle owned a small music venue in downtown Tempe called "The Place." Original name, right? It was something my mother didn't approve of, which made it appeal to me even more. One summer I decided to visit my uncle. Friday nights were always packed with mediocre bands, alcohol and boys. **

**The summer of 2011 was when my life would change forever, but I didn't know it at the time. A local band was playing, and the lead singer had a certain physical appeal. The band was called "Walking After Dark," or "WAD" as we liked to call them. The lead singers name was Ben, and I had my eyes set on him from the moment his band took the stage. I quietly sipped on my vodka and Redbull, waiting for their set to be over. He had a great voice, and these intense green eyes that kept looking in my direction. Their set ended and I watched as he packed all of the equipment up. When he walked off of the stage, I sat up straight and smiled when he started walking my way. It wasn't until he walked right past me that I found out it wasn't me he was looking at. He was looking at a drop dead gorgeous brunette behind me. **

**I sighed and took a sip of my drink, debating on whether or not to just cut my losses and leave or set my eyes on another boy.**

"**I could introduce you, if you wanted," someone beside me spoke up. I looked over and found he was talking to me.**

"**I'm sorry?"**

"**Ben. The lead singer? Were you or were you not just sexually assaulting him with your eyes?" he chuckled, drawing designs in the condensation forming on his beer glass. **

"**I… yeah, I was," I shrugged. I had this thing about not lying, no matter how small the lie was. "No point in introducing us if he is already involved," I shrugged.**

"**Wait, what? Ben is involved?" I watched him look in Ben's direction and chuckle to himself.**

"**What?" I asked, not understanding why this guy chuckled so much.**

"**Ben is as single. He is the singlist of single. That girl he is with, is married, and not to Ben."**

**Naturally, this made me giddy.**

"**I may need a few more drinks before that happens. Also, 'singlist' is not a word."**

"**Oh no, I am talking to a word Nazi," he shook his head and heaved a fake sigh.**

"**I am not any kind of Nazi!"**

"**What are you, an English major?" he asked, cocking his head to the side and giving me a smile.**

"**Journalism, actually."**

"**Wow, journalism. That's pretty sweet. Never met anyone with that major before."**

"**It's not that cool. I write for the music section of our local paper in Seattle. Sometimes I write obituaries if they need me to."**

"**Morbid. But interesting. So you aren't from Arizona?"**

"**No. My uncle owns this place. I just came for the summer."**

"**Your uncle is Fat Joe?"**

"**I have never heard him called that, but yeah. I guess my uncle is Fat Joe."**

"**Fat Joe is amazing. He let's my band play here whenever we need quick cash."**

"**You're in a band too? Is everyone here in a band?"**

"**Yeah, I am. And why do you say that?"**

"**I don't know. You've all got that look about you," I shrugged.**

**I turned to Steve, the cute bartender who I helped get the job here, and ordered another drink. When I looked back to the guy I was talking to, he was studying me. **

"**What?"**

"**Nothing. I just never got your name."**

"**It's Lena."**

"**Lena. That's pretty. My name is -"**

"**Hey buddy!" the guy I now knew as Ben wrapped his arm around the guy I was talking to, who rolled his eyes and smiled at me.**

"**Great job tonight, buddy," he said, patting Ben on the back.**

"**Thanks," he smiled. God he was attractive. He looked at me then, and I watched as his smile spread and he let go of the guy I was talking to.**

"**My oh my, who is this?" he asked.**

"**Lena, this is Ben. Ben, Lena. She's from Seattle."**

"**I love Seattle," Ben said, stepping between the guy I was talking to and me. "How is Tempe treating you so far?"**

"**Well," I said, setting my glass on the bar. "It's dry and hot, but I am beginning to really like it."**

"**Are you used to being wet?" He asked. I gawked at him and he realized what he said and his face contorted in embarrassment. I saw the guy I was previously talking to almost spit out his drink and start laughing.**

"**Wow, that was really inappropriate and I didn't even think before I opened my mouth. This happens to me a lot. So I say we start over. Hello. My name is Ben. I play in a band. I have lived in Tempe all of my life. I have never actually been to Seattle, I just said that so you would like me. You are beautiful, and I would really like to take you out sometime," he held out his hand for me to shake.**

"**Hi. I'm Lena. I don't play in a band, but I do write about music for a newspaper in Seattle. I have lived in Seattle all of my life. You aren't missing much in Seattle. I would love for you to take me out sometime," I smiled and shook his hand.**

"**Really?" Ben asked.**

**I smiled and nodded. Ben sat down in the seat the guy I was talking to was previously sitting in. I hadn't noticed he left. I didn't know why, at the time, but I felt a pang of jealousy when I looked around the bar and found him talking to someone else.**

**It wasn't because I was interested in him, it was because he was the first guy in Tempe who had made me feel like I could talk to him about anything. I didn't even get his name.**

"**Lena?" Ben asked. I snapped back into reality and focused on him.**

"**Huh?"**

"**I asked you what you thought of my band."**

"**Oh, sorry," I smiled and took a sip of my drink. "You guys were great. There aren't many bands like yours in Seattle. Everyone there just whines over an acoustic guitar."**

"**That must be terrible," he laughed.**

"**Not really. I happen to like whiney acoustic guitar players," I smiled.**

"**Do they wear guyliner?" he asked with a smirk.**

"**No," I shook my head. "So, which show was your favorite show?"**

"**Oh god. We did this one show, it was a benefit show that my friend Peyton put together because I ran over her best friends dog and she couldn't afford the medical bill. But it was in this big open field, and I got to play with so many bands I admired."**

"**Any bands I would know?" I asked him.**

"**Let's see. There was Fairline, This Century, The Summer Set, Brighten, Austin Gibbs, and then A Rocket to the Moon."**

"**I think I have heard of The Summer Set. A Rocket to the Moon kind of rings a bell."**

"**Well they're all really great. You should give them a listen, especially if you plan on staying all summer. They are all local bands."**

"**Their music sound like your bands?"**

"**I guess." He shrugged. "A lot different than that emo whiney shit you are accustomed to."**

"**Shut up, I like that emo whiney shit."**

"**Yeah, yeah. I'll make sure to change that this summer," he said. Cocky. "So, do you have any plans for the rest of the night?"**

"**Not really. I have to submit my work for the paper tomorrow, and I haven't started it. So I may need to work on that."**

"**Blow it off," he said with a smirk, tugging on my arm.**

"**Wait, where are we going?" I asked.**

"**Party. You need to meet everyone."**

**And that was how my summer started. A party. **

I flipped the page, but it was blank. That was all I got. Conversations with two guys, one I don't even know the name of. I flopped the packet of paper down on the coffee table and shook my head. I thought this would satiate my need for information, but it made it worse. I heard the side door open and I looked as one of the kids from the picture came into view.

"Oh shit, today was the day mom told me to go somewhere else, wasn't it?" she asked nobody in particular, staring straight at me. "Shit. Hi." She awkwardly waved. "I'm Piper."

"Carolina," I smiled, grabbing the papers off of the table and standing up.

"Where are my parents?" she asked.

"Uh. Your dad said he had to show your mom something in the bedroom…"

"God, they can't even keep it in their pants when we have company."

"Piper Camden, that better not be your voice I hear," I heard Peyton call from the top of the stairs.

"Shit," she sighed.

"I heard that," Kennedy said, entering the kitchen.

"Sorry dad," she smiled.

"How was work, kiddo?" He asked, grabbing a few bottles of water from the fridge and offering me one. I took it graciously. I was a little parched.

"Great. I helped Anna nail that punch front she has been having trouble with."

It sounded like they were speaking a foreign language. Kennedy saw my confusion and laughed.

"Piper works at a gymnastics gym. She's been a gymnast since she was five," he informed me, wrapping his arm around her. He was proud of her; you could see it in his eyes. It made me wonder how my life may have been different had my father been in my life.

"I'm home!" Someone else, I assumed Lucas, yelled, entering through the side door as well.

"Does anybody ever listen to me?" Peyton asked, entering the kitchen.

"No," all three of them answered in unison.

"Nice shirt," someone piped in. I looked around Lucas and saw a boy about my age, wearing a Star Wars shirt matching the one I was currently wearing.

"You too," I smirked.

"I didn't know you were coming over, Brayden," Peyton smiled at the boy and wrapped her arm around his shoulder.

"Don't tell mom I'm here." He pleaded.

"Now why would I not tell my best friend that her son was at my house when I know he is supposed to be at her house cutting the grass?"

"Aw come on Peyton. I just want to kick Luke's ass in one game of Halo."

"You guys still play Halo?" Kennedy asked. "I dominated that game back in my day. Mind if I play?"

"Let's go!" Lucas shouted.

"Go, all of you!" Peyton shooed them out of the kitchen.

"It was nice to meet you…"

"Carolina."

"Carolina," Brayden said with a genuine smile.

As soon as they left the kitchen Peyton leaned against the counter and smiled at me.

"How was the letter?" she asked.

"Not as long as I would have liked, but I can tell it will be a good read," I shrugged.

"I have the next date and address for you. Hang on, let me go get it."

I unzipped my backpack and put this letter with the other one in the box. I heard the screams and threats echo from the living room. This was what I missed my whole life. It was just my mom and me. I missed the chance at a family. Hopefully, once I found my dad that would change.

"Here it is," she said, sliding the envelope across the counter. "Now, beware, these people are crazy."

"Funny, that's what Sophia said about you."


	4. Wasteland

Never in any of my eighteen years did I ever imagine my childhood crush would be sitting right in front of me. His mustache may have greyed a bit, but that didn't make him any less attractive. It actually added to it. We had a very awkward introduction about five minutes ago. Now we were both sitting on opposite ends of the couch, waiting on the other to possibly break the ice. Luckily, I didn't have to do it.

"If I were twenty years younger…" was all he said, followed by him quickly running his hand through his thick hair. He took a quick drag of his cigarette and continued to study me. "You look just like your mother."

"So everyone tells me," I smiled, sitting back and continuing to study him. "I won't tell anyone if you don't," I winked, earning a chuckle and a shake of the head. I normally am not a flirty person, but Austin Gibbs was sitting on the other end of the same couch. This would more than likely ever happen again.

"I'm a married man," he smiled that incredible toothy smile. Good thing I wasn't standing or my knees may have buckled.

"Happily married?" I asked, curious. I never figured Austin for the marrying kind, but I remember when my mom told me he got married and I cried in my room for what felt like days. She told me that his wife must have tamed the wild beast. I was still mad at my mom for never letting on that she knew Austin.

"I couldn't imagine my life any other way. She's on a business trip." He sighed, rubbing the stubble on his chin.

"I hope I get to meet her before I leave," I shrugged, looking around the dim living room for any pictures. I smiled when my eyes finally landed on a wedding photo.

"She's beautiful."

"Of course she is!" he said, lighting another cigarette.

"You do know that those can kill you, right?" I asked, waving the smoke away from my face.

"Say that again," he demanded. My brows furrowed in confusion, but I did as he asked. He closed his eyes and listened to me talk.

"You do know that those can kill you, right?"

"Takes me back. You are just like Lena," He smiled, reaching for the envelope I hadn't noticed sitting next to him on the side table.

"How well did you know my mom?" I asked, taking the envelope he had extended to me.

"We were close. She was always mad because I would never date her," he winked at me, grabbing his ashtray and started making his way into another room. "Come find me when you're done. We're not done chatting."

I watched the slight wiggle in his hips as he exited the room. I was even more in love.

I shook my head and looked down at the envelope my mother had left for me, opening it slowly and pulling out the first page.

"_Inhale. Exhale. I can only imagine how mad at me you are for never letting you know that Austin Gibbs was one of my dearest and closest friends. I wish I could have seen your face when he opened his front door. Don't let him hit on you. Also, please get your life together faster than I did. Don't judge me for things you will read in this story."_

I smiled and flipped to the next page, ultimately the next chapter in my mothers past.

_When I woke up the next morning, I had the worst hangover I had ever had in my twenty-one years. The smell of bacon was making me nauseous, but the sight of a glass filled to the brim with water had my mouth reeling with excitement. _

"_Is this what you want?" the guy I had met the previous night asked, swirling the clear liquid around in the glass. The ice cubes clinking against the side of the cup were enough to send my head into a pounding steady pain that made me wish I had been visited by the Headless Horseman during the night. I would rather have no head than have it feel like it did right now. It was that bad._

"_More than anything," I croaked out, reaching towards the cup that was so far out of my reach, it didn't seem fair._

"_You can have it on one condition," the guy said. I nodded, willing to do about anything in that moment. "You have to help me finish breakfast."_

"_Done," I said, tossing the covers off of me. It wasn't until I heard a groan and felt an arm wrap around me that I realized I wasn't alone. _

"_Stop making me look like an asshole," Ben said to the guy standing in the doorway. _

"_You do that all on your own," he replied with a smile. With a wink and skip, he was out of the door. With my water. _

_I peeled Ben's arm off of me and followed the other guy out of the room and down the hall. _

"_I never got your name," I whispered, stepping over 2 guys that I met last night, Nick and Halvo, lying in the hallway, cuddling. _

_He told me his name. I, however, am not going to tell you. I know you will go on your fancy computer and look him up. So for the stories sake, we will call him "Rusty."_

_When we got the kitchen, I was finally able to gulp down that glorious glass of water._

"_I think you drank more than anybody else did," he said, pulling some fruit out of the refrigerator._

"_That is a lie," I smiled, grabbing the aspirin he had set down on the counter. "Nick and Halvo are asleep in the hallway. Cuddling."_

"_They do that sober," he shrugged._

"_Oh. Do you always cook breakfast for hungover party goers?" I asked, trying to change the subject._

"_Always. That's why they keep me around," he chuckled. "I'm not big on the party scene, but what I am big on is food."_

"_I am big on the microwave. This all looks like too much work." _

"_Come to more parties. I will give you cooking lessons."_

"_Sounds like a plan," I smiled._

"_Do you want to chop up these strawberries while I finish the pancakes?" he asked. I shrugged._

"_Sure. Anything to get my mind off of this headache." I grabbed the knife from him and went to town on those strawberries._

_An awkward silence fell over us and I knew he was as aware of it as I was._

"_Mind if I turn on some music?" he asked._

"_Oh god, please," I replied with a smile, thankful that he read my mind._

_He turned on Ryan Adams. You know how I feel about Ryan Adams._

_It was then and there that I decided I wanted to have his children._

_I did._

_He is your father._

I flipped the page. I was disappointed with the length of this installment. I threw the papers in my bag and sought out Austin, who was on his back deck, smoking yet another cigarette.

"Hey hot stuff," he said, exhaling all of his smoke. I hated smokers, but damn it, he made it sexy. "How was it?"

"Well," I sighed, plopping down in the chair next to him, "I know my dad's name. Oh just kidding, it's a fake name."

"What?"

"Rusty. Rusty is my dad's fake name."

"What the fuck is your mom thinking?"

"That I will google my dad and find out who he is before she wants me to or some shit."

"You need a beer," he said.

"Well I -"

"That wasn't a question," he cut me off, sliding the glass door open.

I didn't argue. I had actually never had a drink before. It wasn't my scene, but if Austin Gibbs was offering me a beer, there was no way I could refuse.

/\\\/\\\/

"I'm just going to call a cab," I slurred, tossing my sixth empty beer bottle into the yard.

"Stop throwing those in my yard!" he said, for the sixth time. "I have to fucking pick those up."

"Cry me a river," I sang, giggling at how mad he was.

"Don't have to worry about you becoming a singer," he mocked.

"Oh fuck you, Gibbs."

"You wish," he winked. And I did. But he was over twice my age. And married.

"You can't call a cab. I called you a ride. I think he just pulled up."

"Aw Gibbs, you called me a ride," I placed my hand over my heart and smiled. He winked and threw his bottle in the yard. It clanked with one of mine.

"Gibbs, you back there?" my ride, I assumed, asked, opening the back gate.

"Yup. Brayden, this is Carolina. Carolina this is Brayden."

"Hello again," Brayden smiled at me.

"You again!" I exclaimed, shooting up out of my chair and throwing my arms around Brayden.

"You guys met already?" Gibbs asked, popping the cap off of another beer.

Brayden nodded after steadying my teetering body.

"Do you know which hotel she's staying at?" he asked Gibbs, who shook his head from side to side.

"Um, the Hampton. Or was it the Hilton?" I said, trying to remember. It started with an "H."

"Alright," Brayden shook his head. "Gibbs, next time you get an underage girl drunk, you deal with her." They both chuckled and gave each other a fist bump.

"I won't be a problem," I said, doing the signal with my hands for scouts honor. "I don't feel so good," I said, clutching my stomach.

"No, no, no. Don't puke on my de-"

But the sound of my vomit hitting the deck cut off his demand.

"I'll take puking beauty back to my house. Mom will know how to take care of her. She took care of Peyton all of those years."

"Oh my god, Austin. Your deck, your beautiful deck," I said, falling to my knees.

"Get her out of here before she starts mopping it up with her hands," Austin sighed. "I'll see you later, sweetheart." Austin said, helping me up and kissing my cheek.

I will never forget the way his mustache tickled my skin. At least I hoped I wouldn't.

Brayden helped me to his car and kind of threw me in the passenger seat.

"Sorry," he said, buckling my seatbelt. "I've never had to take care of a drunk person before."

"Well, I've never been drunk before." I shrugged. "So you win the award for being the best person to ever take care of drunk me."

"Lucky me," he smiled.

I would let him have my babies.

Then that thought made me think of my mom's story, and it made me mad all over again.


	5. My Town

The room was spinning and I felt like I was going to be sick. The sunlight was shining through the cracks in the blinds directly in my face and it was pissing me off. My head was pounding, my mouth was dry and I felt like I could drink an obscene amount of water. I turned away from the sun and stared at a strange wall. It was a wall I had never seen before, and definitely not my hotel room.

It reminded me of my room back home. Wilco and Ryan Adams posters hung right above the bed, covering the dark blue walls. I followed the trail of posters that lined the walls and was freaked out. I think I had almost all of these posters. As kicked the sheets off of my legs, I found comfort in the same Star Wars print I had on my bed at home.

I placed my feet on the cold, hardwood floor, trying to push the realization of how bad I screwed up last night to the back of my mind. Puking on my idols deck was definitely the lowest my eighteen years had ever gotten. My mouth felt like a desert. I needed water.

I opened the door and almost stepped out when I noticed the ground was several feet below. I grasped on the door handle for dear life and regained my balance. I was in, what appeared to be, a tree house. A really nice, not very tree house-like tree house. I climbed down the ladder and tried to assess the unfamiliar surroundings.

I reached into my back pocket, deciding to just call a cab and put this whole situation behind me when I ran into a small problem: my phone was not in my back pocket. I didn't see it in the room, er, the tree house, and I wasn't about to climb back in there. The only other option was to walk into the strange house in front of me. I sighed and started trekking across the freshly cut yard.

"Just my luck," I muttered under my breath.

"Oh, you're awake!" a female voice called out to me. I looked around and finally saw a blonde older woman picking up a newspaper. She was gorgeous and I felt awkward because I had no idea who she was.

"Hi," I awkwardly waved, looking like a dear in the headlights.

"Come on inside, it's a little on the chilly side."

She, apparently, had never been to Seattle if she thought this was chilly. As soon as she opened the door, the smell of bacon hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt sick all over again. I walked into the kitchen and saw the spread of pancakes and fruit. It reminded me of my mom's installment yesterday and it pissed me off all over again.

"Are you hungry?" the older lady asked me, fixing me a glass of water. I had never been more thankful for a human being in my life.

"No, but thank you." I replied, practically snatching the glass of water out of her hand.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to see you so soon," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter.

"I'm so sorry," I sighed. "I don't usually do things like this."

"Well. If I had a dollar for every time Gibbs has gotten an underage girl drunk, I would have exactly one dollar. You must be special."

"She is," a male voice said behind me. "The way she hurled on Austin's deck was classic."

"Oh god," I said, covering my face with my hands.

"Brayden, stop being a little asshole," the older lady said, which made me smile.

"Ma, come on. Gibbs deserves a little bad luck now and then. Nothing but good things happen to him."

"Go get ready for school."

"Why? Seniors don't have to go today. I am exempt from my English exam. I have an 'A' in that class."

"I don't care. You are not staying here all day."

"I can just go to Will's house. He got some new records."

"May I remind you that you are grounded?"

"Fine. I'll just stay in my room all day and listen to MY records. I'm eighteen! You can't make me go!"

"You could do that, if your father hadn't confiscated them last night. Also, if you steal his 'Love is Hell' vinyl one more time, he is going to kill you. I already said you are not staying in this house all day. You may be eighteen, but you still live under my roof. Go get ready."

"Mom, only losers go to school on optional days. I'll just go hang in the tree house."

"Don't make me ground you even longer," she seethed.

"Fine," he sighed. He looked at me and shook his head. "You owe me." With that, he turned on his heel and trudged back upstairs.

"School is still in session here? Our school ended two weeks ago."

"It's his last week. I just don't want him to sulk around the house anymore. His girlfriend of three years broke up with him a few days ago. I just want him to stay busy, you know?"

"Ouch."

"Nah. She was a slut," she shrugged. "I'm Julia, by the way."

"Carolina," I smiled. "Do you know why I owe him?" I asked, grabbing an orange slice off of a plate. Maybe I was hungry.

"He's grounded for picking you up last night."

"I'm really sorry, again." I sighed.

"He wouldn't' be grounded if he would have just told us where he was going."

I nodded and focused all of my attention on my orange slice.

"Your husband has 'Love is Hell' on vinyl?" I finally asked. She just laughed and plopped down next to me.

"So, know whose house you are going to today?"

"Oh shit, Gibbs forgot to give me my next envelope."

"No. He didn't," Brayden said, entering the room and slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "You were too drunk to even understand anything last night. He gave it to me to give to you today."

The sight of my mothers print on the envelope made me sigh. Even though I wanted to know everything about my father, this process was taking too long. I opened the envelope and looked at the name and the address.

"Oh god," Brayden laughed and motioned for Julia to see the name and address. Julia almost spat out her orange juice.

"What was Lena thinking?" Julia cackled. I was officially scared for my life.

/\\\/\\\/\\

"Oh my goodness!" was the greeting I got when a very old lady answered her door. Her sliver hair was cut short, and her bones had a little meat on them. She looked like the perfect grandmother.

"Come in, come in!" she ushered, placing her arm around my shoulder and leading me through the door. "You need to eat. All of you young people are far too skinny."

She was going a mile a minute and I was trying to keep up. "I'm Carolina," I stopped and introduce myself. She kept walking to the kitchen, throwing her hands up in the air. "I know, I know. Come eat!"

"I promise, I am not hungry. I had breakfast. My mom wrote your name on my card, but she called you 'Mama Santino.' Is that what I should call you?"

"Yes. That's what they all call me."

"So you're Nick's mom?" I asked, placing my bag on the end table.

She walked back into the room carrying a plate with a heaping pile of lasagna on it. She shoved it into my hands and sat down across from me.

'Yes. I am Nicholas's mom."

"Thank you," I said, motioning to the plate of lasagna. I took a bit to try not to seem rude, but it was the best food I had ever placed in my mouth.

"You're so beautiful! It's like Lena is sitting on my couch, you look so much like her," she took a deep breath and sighed. "Nick called me the other night and said you were here. You know, none of us knew when she would go. It was really hard to hear. I am sorry for your loss."

I smiled at her and tried too hard not to think about it. If there was anything I was good at, it was avoiding my feelings.

"I hope Nicholas was nice to you."

"Yes ma'am. He was very nice to me."

"Good. Raised him right," she smiled. "Looks like your mama raised you right as well. Have the rest of your visits gone well?"

"For the most part, they have." I smiled, hoping she wouldn't ask. She didn't.

"Brayden came over here the other day talking about you. He cuts my grass every week. Watch out for that one dear, he's a heartbreaker."

I chuckled and placed my now empty plate on the coffee table.

"I suppose you want your letter now, don't you?" she smiled, reaching for the envelope that was on a side table.

"I want to hear all about your life when you are finished!" she said, handing over the letter.

"Mama Santino," I called out just before she left the room. She stopped and focused her attention on me, looking as if she were about to cry. "Thank you." I said with a smile. She nodded and went into another room.

I slid the papers out of the envelope and read the first page.

_My Sweet Carolina,_

_You only live once. Don't take this life for granted. This time is all the time you get._

_I love you,_

_Mom._

**The sun was still as hot, still as dry, still as harsh as it had been the first day my plane landed in Arizona. But today, it felt less like a hot, heavy dagger and more like a**

**rejuvenating burst of energy, hence the strolling. I felt relaxed for the first time, almost at home. I was, as I said, strolling down the street, on my way to meet Ben for lunch. This would be something like our tenth date. Yeah, it is a bit lame to keep track of dates but hey, I am lame. He was still as attractive, sweet, and as charmingly awkward as he had been the night I met him at the bar, so needless to say, he could also be a reason why I was a little happier to be out and about in 100 degree weather. This was totally the opposite of Seattle.**

**I rounded the corner onto Roosevelt, looking around at my rather brown**

**but still pretty surroundings. I had an address on my hand and I**

**squinted down at it, trying to find the place. I found it and stopped in front of what looked like a chain restaurant called 'Chipotle.' Having always been a little down on chain places in general, I climbed the steps warily and walked into the admittedly welcoming air conditioning.**

**"Lena!" a voice, almost too excited, called from the far corner of the place, "over here." I smiled and walked over to Ben, who I was almost positive was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans precisely for the reason that they did horrible things to me. I sat down next to him and looked expectantly around at what was looking cheesier and cheesier by the second. It was quite loud, and crowded, and while usually I didn't mind those two adjectives, it also had incredibly tacky tile art of what looked like Mayan gods on the wall.**

**Ben seemed to sense my disapproval. "So it's not the classiest place in the world, but let me tell you; you will never taste better food as long as you live." I looked at him in disbelief so he added, "I swear. Everyone in Arizona, and practically America loves this place. I know you've never tried it and I just thought I would bring some happiness to your life.." He looked surprisingly earnest so I grudgingly got in line with him. We were talking about the music scene, as per usual, when he looked around suddenly and told me, "I should probably order for you." I looked at him in surprise. "And how will you know what I want?"**

**"I know what's good. Also this place is confusing for a first-timer."**

**I crossed my eyes and tried to quiet my inner feminist, which was somewhat cursing in contempt for not being allowed to order. I was being dumb, obviously.**

**A few minutes later we were sitting back at the table with burritos the size of small children in front of us. He smiled at me, carefully picked his up, and dug in, looking surprisingly as though he were undergoing some sort of sexual experience. I hrugged, somehow brought mine to my mouth, and took a bite. **

"**Sweet mother Mary," I thought. This shit was good. I chewed in what I thought was a delicate, appealing way before diving in for another bite, and another, in some kind of cilantro and chicken haze, until I realized with slight embarrassment that I had eaten the entire thing.**

**Throughout this slight episode, I hadn't noticed Ben watching me with amazement and slight shock. When I wiped my mouth with as much decorum as I could muster and raised my eyes from my empty plate to look at him, he appeared impressed and more than a little amused.**

**"Okay. So. You were right," I said shamelessly, leaning back and trying my hardest not to pat my stomach in satisfaction.**

**"I told you!" he said, sitting up and smiling a gorgeous little grin. "It's the nectar of the gods."**

**"Why have I not gone here before?" I asked, playing with my much-abused napkin.**

**"I don't know man. You must just be really weird." Ben stood up, stretched, and picked up both our platters to bring them to the garbage can.**

**The rest of the day was just as entertaining as the beginning. He showed me around Phoenix more, the places not always gone to; record stores, little shops, and we went into an art gallery which had this massive M on the back wall. I was going to ask what it was but we didn't linger as apparently this was the 'sketchy' part of town when the sun went down.**

**We were walking down the street, just talking, when he reached for my hand, and I gladly gave it to him. I looked over and smiled, and he pulled me closer. It sounds surprising but there was even a little chill to the air as night drew in. Not much, just enough to make me glad Ben was there. I was going to ask where he was planning for us to go, or if he even had a plan, but I honestly didn't care. I was enjoying just learning about the city with a guy who I genuinely enjoyed. I hadn't noticed it in our very intimate first meeting, but he was seriously adorable, and sweet, and smarter than he looked. I really liked him.**

**However, although I might be a little biased, I think your father's better, but we will get to that next time. For now, just enjoy the company of Mama Santino and let her nurse your hangover. If you don't have one, then I overestimated Gibbs, although, I know I didn't. **

**I love you, baby girl.**

"Mama Santino," I called, placing the letters in my backpack.

"Finished already?" she asked, wiping her hands on her pants.

"Tell me about this Ben character. If that's even his name."

"Oh lord. Your momma was head over heals for that one," she shook her head and sat down next to me. "He was a gentleman. Bit of a ladies man, though I never understood it. Everyone said he reminded them of Seth Cohen."

"Who?" I asked, confused.

"Seth Cohen. Oh, before your time," she laughed. "God, I am getting old."

"You can't be more than 45," I winked.

"Oh bless you child," she chuckled, pulling me close for a hug. "Anyway, there is nothing like a first love."

"So he was my mom's first love, not my dad?"

"Oh. You know those great love stories that change the course of history? Well I feel like that was your parents, and Ben is just the dud before your dad."

"My dad. Good old' Rusty."

"Pardon?"

"Rusty is my dad's code name and it bugs me. She doesn't trust me enough to tell me his real name. Not like I would know who he was anyways."

"Well if you mom came up with this, she had her reasons."

"How close were you guys?"

"We were exceptionally close. She was like a daughter to me. I hope you will be the same. If you marry Brayden, we'd practically be family."

I shook my head and let Mama Santino carry me back nineteen years with her stories and her memories.

I would definitely be back to see her before I left.


	6. Starting to Hurt

When my cab pulled up to the next address, I was confused to see Brayden standing in the front yard.

"I thought you had school," I called out as I paid the driver.

"I finally convinced my mom to let me skip," he smiled and then shrugged. "I'm not stalking you, I promise. I just have to keep my business running."

I noticed the truck parked near the curb with various yard tools sticking out of an old trailer hitched up behind it. It had writing all over it.

"Nice trailer," I offered, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jean shorts.

"Dad lets me use it. Memento from his glory days," he chuckled, grabbing an extension chord off of a hook.

"Jared Monstercock Monaco, get it in?" I read off of the side of the trailer.

"Yeah, don't read it. Some of this stuff makes me want to gag."

"Garrett, let me love you down," I continued.

"Okay, definitely don't read any about my dad. It's like child abuse."

"The Maine," I smiled remembering the times my mom would make me listen to her old CD's. "So that's the band your dad was in? Is that the band my dad was in?" I asked, hopeful for some information.

Brayden just shrugged. "Go inside. Takes you one step closer to finding out. He's really cool, I promise. Go ring the doorbell," he smirked.

"Will you be here when I am done?" I asked. Brayden just stared at me. "I mean, my mom wrote about exploring the city and I kind of want to do the same. I just thought maybe you could show me around."

"Really?" he asked, wiping the beads of sweat off of his forehead. "Alright."

"Thanks," I said, taking off down the pathway to the entrance of the house. Once I reached the door, the usual nerves kicked in, but I pushed them aside and rang the doorbell. I pushed the button only once, but the doorbell kept going off in an extremely annoying fashion.

An older gentleman with milky white skin opened the front door and looked directly at Brayden.

"Did you tell her ring it?" he asked. Brayden just smirked and started up his lawn mower, ignoring the question. "Did he?" he asked. I nodded and tried not to laugh. The doorbell was still going off when he ushered me inside.

"Stupid thing has been broken since that pipsqueak was 5, but he still likes to be a little shit as often as he can."

"I'm starting to gather that." I smiled, looking at all of the pictures. This was my favorite part of meeting all of these strangers. I got to see bits and pieces of their past. He was the first one to have a picture of my mom on display. His arm was wrapped around her, shot glasses filled to the brim with dark brown liquid. They looked like a couple.

"You aren't Ben, by chance?" I asked over the still sounding doorbell.

"No, no, no. Though I wish I were, then I could have dated your mom. I'm Halvo, or Eric, whichever you prefer," he answered, tweaking with the box that I assumed had to do with the doorbell.

"Oh," I smiled, remembering him from one of my mom's installments. "You liked to spoon with Nick."

"What? How did you know that?" he asked, finally shutting off the annoying chiming throughout the house. "Ahhh, silence," he smiled, obviously proud of himself.

"Ever think about getting it fixed?" I asked.

"Why? I like bitching about it," he shrugged, finally giving me all of his focus. "How did you know that Nick and I used to spoon?"

"My mom mentioned it," I shrugged, looking at more photographs.

"Your mom talked about me?" he asked, suddenly perking up.

"Not really. I just read it in her last letter."

"Oh," he sighed. He looked disappointed. "Guess I should go get that letter then."

It was then that I realized Halvo must have had it bad for my mom. When he brought the letter back in, I decided to give him a hug. He looked wounded, like a kicked puppy.

"What was that for?" he asked after our hug ended.

"Just a hug," I shrugged. I clutched the letter in my hand, excited to read it. "So, where's your wife?" I asked, trying to find any wedding photos or memorabilia.

"We'll talk when you're done," he forced a smile, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off of the coffee table. "I'll be out back."

I watched him walk away and immediately felt bad. Maybe his wife died? Or he never had one? I decided I would let the topic go.

I slipped the packet of paper out of the envelope and sat down on a ratty brown couch. God it was comfortable.

**My sweet Carolina,**

**I set this installment a few months forward, because nothing really happened until this day. This day was when I realized some important things. **

**I haven't seen Eric in many years, but let me tell you, back in the day, he was hot stuff. I wonder if he's changed much. Do me a favor and don't ask about his wife. **

I bit my lip and turned the page. Oops.

**I woke up to my phone buzzing on the nightstand. Since I didn't have a permanent residence (after getting kicked out of my uncles for matters I will withhold) I moved in with Ben, who was currently annoyed with my cell phone. **

"**It's 10 AM on a Saturday. Tell whoever it is to sod off."**

"**Ben, stop talking like you're British. Newsflash: You were born in Tempe and you've never been to England."**

"**Don't get your knickers in a twist!" he replied, reaching across me to grab my phone, kissing my cheek in the process.**

**He accepted the call and told the person on the line to "Piss off!"**

"**I really hope that's mom," I whispered into his ear and kissed his neck. He smiled and shook his head from side to side, letting me know that it wasn't. I pouted. **

"**Dude. It's 10 AM. On my only off day this week."**

**Curious, I tried to listen to see who was on the other line.**

"**Oh right, you did call my girlfriend, not me. She'll call you back," he said, hanging up and throwing my phone across the room. He wrapped his arms around and drew me closer, kissing the top of my head.**

"**Ben!" I scoffed, looking at my phone laying on the ground out of reach. "Who was it?"**

"**Rusty."**

"**Well, why did you hang up him?"**

"**Because, he wanted you to hang out with him today, but I want you all to myself. It's my day off, babe."**

"**You get me all to yourself most days, baby. I haven't seen Rusty in a week."**

"**But it's my off day!" he whined and started planting tiny kisses all over my face. He was a giant baby most of the time.**

"**You are so lucky you're hot." I laughed, pushing him away. "I'm going to call Rusty back. Go shower. You stink," I said, standing up before he kept me in bed all day.**

"**Fine." Then he said some very inappropriate things that I should not tell my daughter. **

**When I called Rusty back, he seemed a little distracted. I was pretty sure I heard giggling on the other end. Female giggling. This was odd. He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and the guys. Of course I did. They were all babes.**

**After parting with Ben, which took a lot longer than I had expected (he was a needy little shit) I met up with Rusty and the rest of the group at a coffee shop in downtown Phoenix. **

"**Finally," I heard Halvo call out from their booth at the other side of the building. His deep voice carried in any room, he was never good at being quiet. **

"**Sorry, sorry," I smiled, giving everyone hugs. "It's hard to leave my boyfriend sometimes." I joked, but they all gave me the same look. "What?" I asked, confused.**

"**He spends so much time with you. We all need some Lena time," Halvo pouted, throwing his arm around me. I was aware of his crush on me, and I loved Halvo to death, but he wasn't Ben. I rolled my eyes and stole his coffee.**

"**Hey!" he interjected, but I ignored him.**

"**God Halvo, this is gross." I said, forcing the cup back into his hands. It was then that Rusty came up behind me, holding his cup up for me to take. We both drank the same thing, so I was thankful he was there to save my taste buds. I hung out with Rusty more than I hung out with any of the other guys, so when I saw a girl next to him, I was taken aback. He didn't tell me. **

"**Hi," I said to the girl, holding out my hand. "I'm Lena."**

"**Oh yeah, I'm sorry I forgot," Rusty said, smacking himself in the forehead. "Lena, this is Rosie. Rosie, this is Lena." Rosie shook my hand, and I tried to be discrete as I looked her up and down. She was pretty. And I had no idea why I was feeling protective. It was possibly because I didn't know her yet, or maybe it was something else. I couldn't pinpoint it at the moment.**

"**It's nice to meet you," she smiled, shaking my hand. **

"**You too," I returned the smile, focusing my attention back to Halvo, who was going over the plans for the day.**

**We ended up at Revolver Records, the used record shop Ben took me to on our first official date. I left the group to go explore. **

**I was hurt, and I had no right to be. I considered Rusty to be my best friend, and he didn't tell me that he had a girlfriend, but I guess it really didn't matter. Christmas was coming up, so I decided to start hunting for everyone's Christmas present. **

**I got lost in the record bins and almost jumped out of my skin when Rusty came up behind me and peered over my shoulder. I knew it was him because I knew exactly how he smelled.**

"**Find anything good?" he asked. **

"**Maybe," I replied, with a little more force than I intended.**

"**Are you okay?" he asked, leaning against one of the bins and crossing his arms.**

"**Yeah, fine," I sighed, picking up the stack of records I had found.**

"**Liar."**

"**Go away, Rusty." I sighed, digging deeper into the bin.**

"**Not until you tell me what is bothering you? Did Halvo hit on you again? Because I already told him to back off. "**

"**No. I can handle Halvo on my own."**

"**What the fuck is wrong?" he asked, lowering his voice so that only I could hear. It wasn't a very big record store.**

"**When did you start dating Rosie?" I asked, still flipping through the bin.**

"**Is that what this is about?" he asked. "I don't know. About a week ago. I met her at the bar that night we met. Why does it matter?"**

"**It doesn't. It just hurts that you never mentioned it. I thought we were best friends. Or maybe I just felt that way," I shrugged, finally looking at him. He knitted his eyebrows together and stared at me.**

"**We are best friends," he sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I just wanted everyone to meet her at the same time. She's a really great person. I didn't know this would upset you."**

"**I'm sorry," I bit my lip. "It's up to you who you tell about your relationships. I feel like a terrible person now."**

**"So do I," he shrugged. "Come on, we're going to Austin's house." He grabbed my hand and led me to the parking lot. It wasn't until we were at Austin's did I remember that I left all of my records sitting on the bin. **

As usual, I was mad at where my mom left it. I was finally getting somewhere learning about my dad, but I had to wait until tomorrow. I stuffed the letters into my backpack and set out to find Halvo.

He was on the back porch, where he said he would be. I slid the sliding glass door to the left, and slipped out.

"Interesting read?" he asked, still looking out into his backyard.

"Kind of. You were in it," I said, with a smile. He kindly returned the smile, but it quickly faltered.

We sat in silence for a while until he finally broke it.

"I was married."

I looked over and him and waited for him to continue.

"I loved her with everything that I had. She was the best part of me, my other half. My soul mate. I guess she didn't think the same."

"What was her name?" I asked, trying to urge him to continue.

"Her name was Abby. She left me 4 years ago."

"I'm sorry, Eric."

"Hey, it's fine," he shrugged. "That's how people grow, right? Bad shit happens and somehow we have to pick up the pieces and trudge forward?"

"Wanna go get some coffee?" I asked, not wanting to leave him so down in the dumps.

"Sure. I'll buy," he said with a half smile.

/\\/\\

By the time we got back to Eric's house, a cleanly showered Brayden was standing next to his truck. I had completely forgotten that he was supposed to show me around. Halvo winked at me and shot Brayden a dirty look.

"Ring my doorbell one more time punk, I will kick your ass."

"I didn't even do it!" he said, throwing his arms in the air in defense.

"I'm watching you," Halvo said, returning to his house. Brayden just chuckled and opened the passenger side door of his truck. I smiled at him and climbed in, ready to get a feel of Tempe.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked, buckling his seat belt.

"Is Revolver Records still open?" I asked.

"No, it actually closed a few years back. It isn't cool to want vinyls anymore. So some people think…"

"I love a good vinyl," I sighed, sad that it was closed. "Your dad really has 'Love is Hell' on vinyl?"

"Yeah. It's the only thing I want when he dies, but I am going to have to fight Will over it."

"So Will is your brother?" I asked, watching the traffic light turn from red to green.

"Yeah. He's a little older than I am."

"Where does he live?"

"With his fiancé, in Chandler. Are you hungry?"

"I guess so," I shrugged. "Can we got to Chipotle?" I asked, eager to try it.

"I was going to suggest it," he nodded, turning his stereo on.

"What kind of music are you into? Besides Ryan Adams," he asked.

"This," I said, gesturing toward his stereo.

"Wilco? Really?"

"I don't listen to new music. It irritates me to no end. I grew up on this stuff. It reminds me of better times."

"I understand that," he nodded, pulling into the parking lot of Chipotle.

I stood at the counter, looking at all of the choices. I had never been here before, so I had no idea what to order.

"Need some help?" Brayden asked, chuckling at my look of sheer confusion.

"I've never actually ever eaten here before," I shrugged. The people behind the counter looked annoyed.

"Want me to order for you?" he asked, leaning against the counter.

It was just like my mom's first date with Ben. Except, this wasn't a date. I didn't think.

"Sure."

So he ordered me a burrito bowl. And it was perfection. He also paid for it. Which made me think that this may be date-like.

"Where do you want to go now?" he asked, after having opened my door for me.

"I don't know," I said. "I don't know what's around here."

"Just about everything," he replied, cranking up the truck.

"Take me to your favorite place."

He didn't say another word. We drove in silence until we reached what appeared to be a park.

He helped me out of his truck and started walking towards the park.

"So, why is this your favorite place?" I asked, taking a seat on a swing. He stood behind me and lightly started pushing it.

"I come here to think. I've been coming here a lot lately."

"Oh right," I nodded. "Your mom told me you just broke up with your girlfriend."

He stopped pushing me and took a seat on the swing next to mine.

I slowed my swinging to a halt, and looked at Brayden. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to strike a nerve or anything."

"No, it's fine. She was going to college in Virginia anyway. She just wanted to have a fling with my friend while we were still dating."

"Ouch," I said, biting my lip. I didn't know what else to say.

"Anything like that ever happen to you?"

"No," I sighed. "Never has."

"Well, you're lucky then," he smiled, glancing over at me. "I just feel like love isn't something people even look for now, you know? Nobody stays together. I mean look at Halvo. I used to go over to his house every single day when I was younger. He was always so happy, but Abby wasn't. He loved her so much and she just left him. He still isn't over it. I don't think he ever will be," he shook his head. "I just want a love like my mom and dad's you know? They love each other no matter what."

"You're lucky," I smiled, leaning my head against the chain of the swing. "Your parents are so in love. You have something to look forward to. I've never actually seen love first hand. I don't even know if love is something I want."

"God this is heavy talk for a first date," Brayden chuckled, and then he turned red. "I mean…"

"So this is a date?" I smirked.

"I don't know. I guess so," he laughed nervously.

"I would have never thought that someone would want to take me on a date after they watched me hurl on Austin Gibbs' porch."

It was silent for a little while. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was nearing 10 pm.

"Do you have to be somewhere?" he asked.

"No, I just don't want you to get in trouble for staying out with me."

"Well. We could always go back to my house and steal my dad's vinyls."

"Your parents don't care?"

"No. Well, only about the vinyls," he chuckled.

I smiled. "Sounds good."


	7. In Progress

This would make it the second time I had woken up in the tree house. This time, however, I wasn't alone. I sat up and glanced at Brayden, who was lying face down on the hardwood floor, arms spanned out as far as they would go, heavy breathing echoing off of the hard surface. I mentally snapped a photo, stood up and started gathering my belongings. We had talked until around 4 AM, when we both passed out. Their vinyl collection left me breathless, which was saying a lot because I thought my vinyl collection was perfect. I was clearly mistaken. I opened the door as quietly as I could and started to descend down the ladder when Brayden shot up.

"DON'T TOUCH MY POP TART, MOM!" he shouted, his eyes still closed, obviously still tired. He opened his eyes and tried to focus on me. "Oh. You're definitely not my mom."

"Nope," I replied, popping the "p."

"You're leaving?" he groggily asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Well. I forgot to get my envelope from Halvo. I have to see where I am supposed to be heading today."

"Oh," he said, reaching for his phone. "I'll drive you."

"No. It's okay. I'll just walk or call a cab. It's no big deal. Go back to sleep."

"Don't be ridiculous," he smiled, and I was done arguing. He could take me wherever he wanted to, as long as he brought that smile along.

/\\/\\

We were a few blocks from Halvo's house and the awkward silence was driving me crazy.

"So…" I started. Brayden just kept staring at the road. "Why did Halvo's wife leave him?"

"So many reasons," Brayden sighed, shaking his head. "Halvo wanted kids and she didn't. He toured a lot and she couldn't handle being alone, which is why she cheated on him. The guy she started seeing got her into hard drugs. When Halvo came back from tour, he told her that he could forgive her for straying and he would try to be home more for her, you know? But he couldn't handle her drug problem. She tried to get clean, but she ultimately loved the drugs more than she loved him. She left when he was playing a local show. She took everything she had and just left him. He took it so hard that he became an alcoholic and quit the band for about a year. He eventually sobered up and rejoined, but he's never quite been the same. He never fell in love again."

"No shit."

"I know.. he's a great man. He didn't deserve that."

I nodded in agreement. Nobody deserved that.

When we arrived at the house, I was still feeling bad for Halvo. Not only because of what Brayden told me on the car ride over here, but also because he rang the doorbell. Halvo came out of the house cursing up a storm. I was surprised that Brayden was still alive.

When we finally climbed back into Brayden's truck, he snatched the envelope out of my hand and begged me to let him see who next. I rolled my eyes and agreed to let him. He looked like a small child on Christmas.

"Ooooh," he smirked. "Are you religious?"

"Uh… I guess?" I shrugged, confused.

"Oh boy," he laughed, rubbing his hands together.

"Now I'm scared." I sighed, buckling my seatbelt.

/\\/\\

"Can I come in?" he asked, looking at me with his gorgeous blue eyes. "It's like 116 degrees out here."

"Sure," I nodded, thankful to have some sort of barrier for awkwardness. "You've got me scared anyway."

"Oh. You should be. These people like… sacrifice animals and speak in tongues." I gulped and stared at the two story, very normal looking suburban house.

"Go on, ring the doorbell," he nudged me with his shoulder.

"No," I shook my head. "You."

But we didn't have to, because a short middle aged Asian looking woman opened the door.

"Brayden. What are you doing here?" she looked confused. I suppose she couldn't see me, because I was hiding behind Brayden. "I was expecting someone else."

Brayden didn't say a word, just stepped to the side. The lady's face lit up and I instantly felt at ease. Brayden was an asshole for having me so scared. I kicked him and he grunted, earning a very confused from the woman standing in front of us.

"Come on in," she said, stepping to the side and gesturing for us to follow her. When we reached her living room, a present and a letter were waiting. The woman glanced from the present and letter to me, and then to Brayden, a smile plastered to her face. When nobody said anything, Brayden took the initiative to break the awkward silence.

"This is Cybill. She's about as socially awkward as you are," he chuckled, shaking his head. "Cybill, this is Carolina. Carolina, this is Cybill."

She smiled and shook my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Carolina."

"Likewise," I smiled back. Cybill was adorable, and the fact that she was also socially awkward made me feel a little more at ease. I suppose having Brayden there helped as well.

"Well, I'll go get my husband. He's been looking forward to this since we heard you were in town. He hasn't seen you since you were about two."

"I've met your husband?" I asked, suddenly perking up. I knew I wouldn't remember him, but it made me happy nonetheless.

"Yes," she smiled. "We'll be down in a bit. You can go ahead and read your letter from your. Don't open the present until we come back down!"

"Thank you, Cybill."

"You're welcome," she chuckled and sprinted her way up the stairs.

Brayden plopped down on the couch and smiled at me, motioning for me to sit down, as if this were his house and he were trying to make me feel at home. For once, I was actually glad to have somebody with me. I grabbed the letter off of the coffee table and glanced at him, biting my lip.

"Do I get to hear what your mom had to say?" he piqued, knowing I was going to say no.

"You haven't heard the other ones, you would probably be lost," I shrugged, sliding the papers out of the envelope.

"I can try to keep up," he flashed me that smile, which for some reason made all of the sound logic escape my brain.

"Uh… okay. I'll read it to you." I nodded.

"_My Sweet Carolina,"_ I started.

"Oh, Ryan Adams. Yes!" Brayden piped in. I cocked my head to the side and raised one of my eyebrows. He locked his lips and threw away the key. I shook my head and sighed.

"_You may not remember these people, but we stayed them for a while when you were really young. Be polite. I love you."_

I glanced at Brayden, who was staring at me with interest, waiting for the rest. I rolled my eyes. Why did I agree to read this to him?

"_A month had gone by and Christmas was nearing. I was having a hard time balancing all of my friends with work and Ben, and it was starting to tear at my relationships. Ben was getting distant, which scared me. I was in love for the first time and it was one of the scariest things that had happened to me. He started taking more shifts at the bookstore and booking more gigs. I felt as if he were avoiding me._

_My 22__nd__ birthday is another day that sticks out in my mind. I was running late for work, seeing as Ben's dog had chewed up my last pair of shoes._

"_Bad boy, Othello," I yelled at the dog, who, by the way, hated everything that I was. He opened one of his eyes and sighed, like he couldn't care more that he had torn up every pair of shoes I had. I even hid them so he wouldn't find them, but I guess that didn't do any good. I didn't have time to go buy a new pair, so I did the only thing I could think of._

"_Rusty!" I shouted into the phone as I rushed to lock my door._

"_Lena!" he mocked me and I rolled my eyes. "What can I do for you at-" he paused, "Jesus Lena, it's 6:30 am. Are you trying to kill me?"_

"_No, if I were trying to kill you, I would be standing over your bed with a knife or a pillow or something. Listen, is Rosie there?" I asked._

_There was an awkward silence and then I heard him trying to wake her up with what sounded like kisses. I heard her giggling before she answered the phone. "Hello?"_

"_Hey Rosie, I'm really sorry to bug you but Ben's dog has it out for me and he chewed up my last pair of shoes and I remember that one time we went out with Peyton and Julia and you bought some shoes that you were the same size as I was and I don't have time to stop on the way to work," I stopped to take a breath and then dropped my keys trying to unlock my hunk of junk. "and I know we don't really know each other enough-"_

"_Of course," she said with a laugh. "You can borrow anything you want."_

_I groaned when my keys fell down the drain next to the curb. "Holy shit," I breathed, slamming my butt down on the asphalt. _

"_Are you okay?" she asked, sounding genuinely worried. She was too nice._

"_My keys just fell down the fucking drain," I breathed, taking a cigarette out of my bag and lighting up._

"_Rusty's on his way."_

"_I'm what?" I heard him ask in the background. I heard her giggle and the line went dead. I threw my phone in the yard and remained sitting barefoot in the street, chain smoking like there was no tomorrow._

_About 20 minutes later, I saw Rusty's car round the corner. I didn't bother getting up because I had decided that I would more than likely call into work seeing as how I was supposed to be there 5 minutes ago and my day was already going so well._

"_You are the clumsiest person I know," he chuckled, sitting next to me on the curb._

"_Hi Rusty, how are you on this fine Tuesday morning? Oh, you're great! That's wonderful! I am also great, this is the best day of my fucking life."_

_He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close, kissing the top of my head. I sighed and breathed in his scent. He had the best scent of anyone else I knew. It was the perfect mix of cigarettes, cologne and pure boy._

"_I love you, but your sarcasm comes across as full hate when you are mad."_

"_I just wanted to go to work. I just wanted one thing in my life to work out, but I'll probably lose my job and I won't be able to afford new shoes and I will walk around barefoot and have caveman hobbit feet and then I will-"_

"_First of all," he cut me off with a smirk, "You already have caveman feet." I shoved him down to the ground. "And second of all, call your work. I am sure they will understand. You couldn't make up something this good if you tried."_

"_I don't know where I threw my phone," I choked out, trying to hold back frustrated tears._

"_Oh don't cry Lena," he said, fanning his face._

"_I hate that you don't let anyone cry alone," I laughed and wiped my eyes. "You're such a girl," I shook my head and bumped him with my shoulder. He just nodded._

"_Love you."_

"_Love you more," he said automatically, standing up to look for my phone in the grass. I stood up to help, but felt a piercing pain set in when I stepped on a piece of broken glass. Blood started oozing out of my foot as I lifted it up to see the biggest piece of glass I had ever seen poking out of my heel._

"_Rusty," I breathed, feeling dizzy. I hated blood. I looked over to Rusty who was looking at my foot, watching as he passed out._

"God, your mom had bad luck, didn't she?"

I bit my lip thinking back at my eighteen years with her and smiled. "It's genetic. I'm the same way."

"Well, I have excellent luck. Stick with me, kid," he grinned and nudged my arm, wanting me to continue.

"_I can't believe you passed out," I shook my head, sitting in the clinic, waiting for them to wrap my foot. He almost passed out watching them put in the ten stitches._

"_I'm sorry," he said, clutching his stomach. "I just don't do well with this kind of stuff. When we're on tour, if any of the guys start gushing blood, they know to try to hide it from me."_

"_Duly noted," I nodded. "I'm pretty much the same way. We're wimps." I shrugged._

"_Speak for yourself. I am manly," he informed me, flexing his arm._

"_Yeah. Your legs are thinner than mine," I rolled my eyes, shoving him away._

_/\\/\\/\\_

_After I called work and told them what happened, I sighed in relief because they weren't mad at all. _

"_Told you they wouldn't be," he said, pulling his car into the Chipotle parking lot. "I am sure they will live without a receptionist for one day."_

"_I suppose," I shrugged, unbuckling my seatbelt._

"_I'm buying!" Rusty said, holding the door open for me._

"_No way," I shook my head. _

"_It's my apology, you know, for passing out when you were dying."_

"_You've already apologized 10 times, and I wasn't dying. I was manly about it," I said, flexing my arms, mocking what he did in the doctor's office. He just rolled his eyes._

_After eating, I sat back and patted my stomach, watching Rusty as he did the same._

"_Does Rosie mind that you're spending the day with me?"_

"_Nah. Unlike you, she actually goes to work." He ducked as my fork came flying towards his face._

"_Funny."_

"_How are things going with you guys?"_

"_I'm in love," he shrugged, like it was no big deal._

_I bit my lip and nodded, happy for them. _

"_I think I'm going to ask her to move in," he said, fidgeting with hands underneath the table._

"_Big step, buddy. You sure you're ready?"_

"_Yeah," he said, not able to keep the smile off of his face. "I've never felt this way."_

"_Not even with-"_

"_No," he cut me off, not wanting the mention of her name to ruin his happiness. _

"_Well," I sighed, picking nail polish off of my fingers. "I'm really happy for you."_

_He nodded. "How are you and Ben?"_

"_I don't want to talk about Ben right now."_

"_That's just too bad," he shook his head and grabbed my hand across the table. I nodded and smiled. I knew I wouldn't get away with it that easy. Rusty and I told each other everything. We didn't keep secrets. That was the beauty of our friendship._

"_I think he's cheating on me," I shrugged like it was no big deal, but Rusty didn't buy it. He squeezed my hand and shook his head. "I've known Ben a while. He wouldn't do that. Especially not to you. He loves you."_

"_He's never told me he loves me."_

"_Sometimes you don't need the person to tell you. You just know."_

"_Sometimes it's nice to hear." I sighed, using my free hand to push my bangs out of my face._

"_Why do you think he is cheating?"_

"_He avoids me. He picks up extra shifts, he stays at band practice so long, he usually ends up spending the night with one of the guys. I don't know if I believe any of that…"_

"_Shall we do some spying?" he asked, one of his eyebrows raised, a malicious smirk pulling at his mouth._

"_No," I breathed, shocked that he would even suggest that._

"_Come on," he pleaded. "I'm not on tour right now and I have to devote my time to something."_

"_Devote to something else. We are not spying on my boyfriend."_

"_Fine, I'll do it by myself."_

"_You'll do it even if I say no, so what can I do?" I shrugged, picking up my trash and walking to the trashcan to dispose of it._

"_Exactly!"_

_/\\/\\/\\_

_After a full day of hanging out, it was time to go home and face Ben, if he was even there._

"_Rusty, can you take me home?" I asked, watching all of the familiar houses pass as we drove into his subdivision._

"_Yeah. I will. I just gotta tell Rosie something first."_

"_Oh god, you guys are one of those couples who can't go a full five minutes without talking or texting aren't you?"_

"_Well," he couldn't fight the smile on his face. "She's perfect, and I don't want to lose her."_

_I nodded, and went back to looking out of the window. _

"_Want to come in and say 'hi' to her?" _

"_I just want to go home, Rusty." I said, not meaning to sound like a jerk. "I've had a long day."_

"_Please," he said, giving me the puppy dog face._

"_Oh fine," I snapped, slamming the car door behind me. As soon as I opened his front door, everyone I knew in Tempe popped up and yelled 'SURPRISE.'_

_I placed my hand over my startled heart and laughed, looking at all of my friends who actually remembered what today was._

"_Happy Birthday, baby," I heard Ben whisper into my ear; wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close to his chest. I looked over at Rusty, who just smiled at me and mouthed 'surprise.'"_

"_I hate you," I mouthed back._

"_Can I talk to you?" Ben asked. I turned around to face him and nodded, leading him onto the back porch. "Why are you limping?"_

"_Long story," I sat down on the railing and looked at him. He looked nervous._

"_I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks," I said, reaching out to grab his hand to stop him from pacing._

"_I'm sorry. We were planning this party, and I hated lying to you. I'm really sorry."_

_I sighed in relief and tugged him closer to me, wrapping my arms around his neck and giving him a tight hug._

"_I thought you were getting tired of me."_

"_I would never get tired of you," he said, sounding appalled that I would even say such a thing. "I love you, Lena."_

_He finally said it. I smiled and pulled him back in for a kiss, but all I could see when I closed my eyes was a face that was not my boyfriends, and it killed me._

I shuffled the papers and stuck them in my backpack.

"Wait, that's it?" Brayden asked. "Really?"

"That's what sucks about this whole thing," I nodded, standing up.

"That's some bullshit.." he sighed, stretching his arms over his head. My eyes wandered to the bottom of his shirt that had risen up with the action.

"Brayden, watch your mouth," Cybill said, tugging a VERY attractive man behind her.

"Carolina!" the man said, jogging his way around the couch and pulling me in for a hug. "Sixteen years is too long. I bet you don't even remember me."

Something about him was familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on it. "Not really," I smiled politely. "You have really pretty hair, though." I blurted out and Brayden started laughing so hard that Cybill smacked the back of his head.

"I'm Joel," he chuckled, extending his hand so that I could shake it.

"Wait a minute. You took me to the zoo, didn't you?"

"You do remember me!" he smiled.

"We used to have a picture on our refrigerator of that day."

"Well then, maybe this will look familiar," he said, handing me the present that was sitting on the table.

I smiled and started to unwrap it, laughing when I pulled the stuffed giraffe out. "Gerald!" I gasped, hugging my long lost childhood friend against my chest.

"You didn't want me to leave Seattle. You kicked and screamed and held onto me for dear life. You snuck him in my suitcase before I left."

"I forgot all about Gerald. Wow Joel, you kept him all this time?"

"I knew we'd see each other again. I didn't know it would be so long."

"Wow," I nodded, setting Gerald down on the couch. "Thank you, thank you so much!" I said, giving him a hug.

"Do you guys want to stay for dinner?" Cybill asked, smacking Brayden in the back of the head again for making kissing noises at me and Joel. Joel rolled his eyes and hit Brayden on the back of his head as well.

"I'm starved," Brayden said, rubbing the back of his neck. I nodded and agreed. Cybill and Joel made their way to the kitchen and I just looked at Brayden.

"You're such an ass."

"Carolina! Language!" he mocked. I smacked him in the back of the head and then gave him a hug. "Thank you for coming with me."

"Thank you for letting me listen," he said, wrapping his arms around me. I inhaled his scent. Cigarettes, cologne and man.

"Cigarettes kill you, you know," I said wrinkling my nose.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't smoke. It's secondhand," he shrugged, grabbing my hand and leading me to the kitchen. I grabbed Gerald before he was out of arms reach and followed Brayden.

What I wanted to know was why Joel was the only one who visited my mom in Seattle.


	8. Growing Up

By the time Brayden pulled me away from the Kanitz's house, it was close to midnight. Joel had amazing stories of my mom and well, I was eager to soak every word in.

As Brayden held the door open for me to climb into his truck, I embraced him in a tight hug. He relaxed into it and wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you, again, for coming with me."

"It was my pleasure. Maybe…" he started, taking a deep breath and pulling back from the hug to look at me. "Maybe I could start coming, you know? Put you at ease since I've grown up knowing these people. I'll be-"

"My official awkwardness barrier," I finished for him with a smile.

"Exactly. Plus," he lightly squeezed my arms for emphasis, "I really like hearing your mom's story. I know I haven't heard the first few installments, but maybe you can fill me in."

I smiled and nodded, climbing my way into the old pick-up truck. I watched as he made his way to the driver's side. He was carrying Gerald, whom I hadn't realized I had missed for sixteen years. He handed him to me as soon as he climbed in. I placed him on my lap and silently vowed to myself that I would never let anything else happen to him.

"Cybill handed me your next envelope, and I am supposed to pass it along," he informed me once we reached the main road. He held it out to me and I groaned.

"How many houses am I going to visit before I meet my dad? Or am I even going to meet him?" It was driving me absolutely crazy. I had no idea how many days I would be here or how many people's lives I would impose on. Brayden boldly reached over and grabbed my hand.

"She cares enough about you to set all of this up."

"I know," I nodded, swallowing the giant lump in my throat at the sudden contact Brayden and I had. "I've just gone eighteen years without him. My mother never spoke about him unless it was just a passing comment. He doesn't even know that I exist!" I felt Brayden's hand lightly squeeze mine.

"Don't worry about it. She knew what she was doing. Put your faith in her. And even if we have one house left or 100 houses left, I will be with you."

I nodded and opened the envelope with my free hand. I didn't want him to let go of my other one just yet, but he noticed the hard time I was having and let it go. I inwardly sighed and pulled the contents of the envelope out. A loose piece of paper flew out and before I could reach for it, Brayden grabbed my hand again.

"It's- well… It's-" he was stalling. I just kept quiet and enjoyed the feeling of his hand gripping mine.

"Well, It's – uh… I – I snooped. When Cybill handed me the envelope while you and Joel were saying goodbye, I peaked. I wanted to see who was next."

"Did you now?" I asked, gazing over at him, trying not to laugh at how nervous he was.

"Yeah, I – shit… well-" he paused to take a deep breath. "The address, well it's mine."

I nodded and waited for him to continue. "I figured that since you would be spending tomorrow at my house with my family that maybe you would like to come to my graduation."

"Wow," I smiled, glancing down at the piece of paper that fell onto the floorboard. "Of course. I would love to go."

He let go of the breath that he was holding and retracted his hand. "There's going to be a party afterwards, if you wanted to go and maybe meet some of my friends?"

I nodded and picked up the ticket to his graduation. "Just promise me that you won't let me drink."

"Deal."

/\\/\\/\\

"Why am I even paying for a hotel?" I asked when we arrived back at his house. He just shrugged with a smile. That smile….

I kicked my sandals off and enjoyed the feeling of my toes sinking into the soft grass. Not a single blade was out place. Every house that I had been to so far had a very meticulous yard that I could assume was made possible by Brayden.

"You know, when I pictured Arizona, I always pictured dirt and sand. Not grass."

"Well," he said, kicking his TOMS off and digging his toes in the ground. "It takes a lot of effort to keep these yards up."

I nodded and found myself sitting down on the soft grass. "What's Seattle like?" I heard him asking as he plopped down next to me. "I picture it all wet and rainy. All of the time, you know, like London."

"Well, it does rain a lot," I shrugged. "But it's more of a constant drizzle."

"I don't know how I would do with so much moisture. I've only ever lived here. For eighteen years, this house, this neighborhood. This is it."

"Tell me what it was like to grow up here." I pleaded, laying my head down on the soft grass and looking up at the stars. So he did. He told me everything. He told me what it was like to grow up with a close knit group of people. What it was like to have both of his parents there for him whenever he needed, and even when he didn't. He told me how his older brother was his hero, and how much he aspired to be like him. I was so enamored, just listening to him speak so highly of all of the individuals he got to call his family and his friends. I hope I had that one day.

Somewhere during his stories, I found he had laid down beside me, his intense blue eyes staring right into my dull brown ones.

"Tell me about growing up in Seattle."

My story was far less interesting than his. No siblings to speak of, or really close friends. I told him about my grandmother and her condescending ways. I told him how my mother did everything in her power to give me everything that I ever needed. Somewhere along my trip down memory lane, Brayden's head rested on my stomach, my fingers very lightly playing with his brown hair. We knew it had to have been way past 3 AM, but neither of us made an attempt to move.

"It's cold at night," I shivered, earning a chuckle from Brayden.

"Do you want to go in?"

"No. I don't ever want to move," I confessed with a smile. I felt him nod his head in agreement.

"God. I can't believe I'm graduating today."

"Trust me. It get's even weirder as the days go by."

"How so?" he asked, gazing up at me.

"Like, I've spent the past however many years waiting until I was done with high school, you know, waiting for college. Those people you see every day, that have been with you for 12 years of school, they aren't a big part of your life anymore. You see them less and less. You have to start relying on yourself and less on others. I've only just graduated a few weeks ago, but I can just tell. Nothing will be the same. You get thrown out of your comfort zone."

"Well, you definitely did," he grinned. "You got thrown so far out of your comfort zone, didn't you?"

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "Definitely. I'm meeting all of these people and I'm so awkward that it's really not even funny. Getting thrust into growing up, that's – god. It's scary." It was so silent that I swear I could hear our collective heartbeats.

"When you're ready to talk about it, I'll be there," he said, reaching up to find my hand with his.

"I know," I sighed. I didn't let myself cry over my mother. Everything happened for a reason, or so I believed.

Brayden started to hum something vaguely familiar. Before I could ask aobut it, I was fast asleep under a blanket of Arizona stars and a boy who made me beat at an unbearable pace.

/\\/\\

My mom and I were walking hand in hand out of our favorite Italian restaurant in Tacoma. It had started to rain since we'd been inside.

"On your mark," she started.

"No mom! It's raining a ridiculous amount. Can't we just let it die down?"

"Get set," she continued.

"GO!" I screamed, running as fast as my bird legs could carry me.

"Carolina!" I heard her shout from behind me, but it fell quiet compared to my maniacal giggling. I was soaked and had never felt more free.

"Carolina!" I heard again, this time accompanied with a light shake. "Carolina wake up!" I heard him laughing. My eyes shot open and they were instantly filled with water. No, not tears. Actual water from the sprinklers. The next thing I felt was a shoulder going into my rib as Brayden threw me over his shoulder. I held my arms out to my sides and let the cold water wake me up. As soon as we were in the clear of the water, Brayden sat me down and shook his head to get all of the hair out of his face. "Oh man," he laughed as he looked over at me. "Good morning."

"Good morning," I replied with a laugh, shaking my long hair off of my face, getting Brayden even more soaked in the process, if that was possible. We were absolutely drenched.

"What kind of a person doesn't wake up from sprinklers?" he gasped, trying to catch his breath. I'm sure carrying me and running was not the morning exercise he had planned. I shrugged and smiled.

"I was dreaming. It was raining in my dream. Hey, yard boy. Wouldn't you have known if the sprinklers were set?" I questioned, ringing out my shirt.

"Yeah. They weren't supposed to go off. The only person who knows how to run them is Will. He must be home." I was suddenly nervous. I heard how fond he talked of Will, of all of his family really. Brayden tugged on my hand and led me to the garage.

"You bastard!" Brayden said, picking up a soccer ball with his free hand and throwing it at a boy who looked nothing like Brayden. The boy had dark green eyes and jet black hair. Where Brayden was a mere 5'8'', this guy was well over 6 feet. He had very attractive freckles and a more muscular build.

"So, you must be Carolina," he smiled, extending his hand for me to shake.

"And you must be Will," I nodded with a smile.

"Ah, she's doing it," Will said to Brayden, who nodded.

"She's definitely doing it," he agreed. I let go of Will's hand and was suddenly very self-conscious. I had no idea what I was "doing."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"You're sitting there comparing us. You're wondering why we don't look that much alike."

"Oh," I breathed, nodding. "I am in fact doing that."

"We have different dads," Will said with a smirk. I wondered why Brayden hadn't mentioned that.

"Mom was a bit of a slut," Brayden shrugged.

"Well, I was just coming out to make sure everything was okay, but screw you guys," Julia, Brayden's mom, laughed, carrying two towels. She must have known what happened.

"Well, it's true mom."

"That is actually not true," she shook her head, handing me one of the towels. "Will's dad, his name was Cameron, well, he was an asshat. It didn't work out."

"It didn't work out because technically it never even started," Will chuckled.

"Plus, Mr. Leahy is now a washed up pothead. So good choice picking dad." Brayden chimed in.

Julia looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Well, I trust you can find your own towel son," she smiled at him, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me behind her. I looked back at Brayden and saw him wink at me. I thought his smile made me go crazy.

"Sometimes I really have to convince myself that they love me," she informed me with a laugh. "I've got something you can change into if you want to get dry."

"Please," I nodded, trying to make my teeth stop chattering.

After I changed and ate breakfast with Will and Brayden, it was time for the letter.

"I'm sorry my husband isn't home yet. He had to go to his brothers house early this morning, but he should be back soon," she said, glancing down at her Ryan Adams watch. I had the same watch. My mom left it for me.

"It's no problem. I'm actually looking forward to meeting him."

"Really? You're looking forward to meeting someone?" Brayden teased, tossing and M&M into his mouth. "It's just my dad. He's not that cool."

"Oh, but he used to be," Julia sighed with a smile. "Anyway, the letter is on the coffee table. Come on Brayden, give her some privacy."

"No, it's okay mom. She's reading them to me."

"Is she now?" she asked, one of her eyebrows raised in question. "I see. Well. Carry on."

I smiled at Brayden as I slid the contents out of the package. He lounged back on the couch and, once again, patted the seat next to his. I plopped down and his arm went around my shoulder, pulling me into his body.

_My Sweet Carolina,_

_No words of wisdom this time. _

Brayden chuckled at this and I rolled my eyes.

_It was here. Christmas eve. The day that loomed in on me and weighed down my every thought. Rosie was moving in with Rusty that day. And of course, I got roped into helping since it was a weekend and most of our friends were on tour. Lucky me. _

_I wanted to hate her. I really did, but she had this way about her that made it impossible. Unlike most girls I knew, she actually helped moved things and didn't care if she got sweaty or broke a nail. _

_We were on our 3__rd__ trip of moving boxes. We hadn't even gotten to the heavy stuff yet._

"_Hey, can you bring Ben's Jeep around?" Rusty asked, looking manly carrying three boxes at once. "We're running out of room."_

"_Of course," I nodded, retrieving the keys from my back pocket. Ben, unfortunately, had band practice that he couldn't get out of. His band was going on tour with Rusty's, and that was a big deal for him. Unfortunately, that left me with nobody to talk to whenever I looked over at Rusty and Rosie, who made me sick with their newfound love. _

_Yes. They loved each other. And I was the first to hear about it. Rusty showed up at my door at 3 in the morning, as drunk as I had ever seen him, slurring his words and stumbling over his feet like a newborn baby deer. _

"_She loves me!" he exclaimed, his arms shooting straight into the sky. "She loves me. She loves me. She fucking loves me!" he shouted into the darkness of the night._

"_Jesus Christ, Rusty. Why don't you just wake up all of our neighbors."_

"_Good. I hope they wake up so that I can tell them that SHE LOVES ME."_

"_Come inside, loverboy. You are not driving anymore tonight," I sighed, tugging his jacket and pulling him through the front door. _

_I would be lying if I said it didn't kill me._

_So now, I had to watch her love him first hand, right in front of me. I wanted to run her over with the Jeep. She would merely be a speed bump for the Wrangler._

_But as soon as I stepped out of the Jeep, she came up to me and thanked me and gave me a hug._

_I had a really, really hard time hating her._

_/\\/\\/\\_

"_To new beginnings and new love." Rusty said, holding his beer up in the air. We were going around the table toasting the happy occasion. One that I didn't want to be a part of._

"_To finally getting all of my clothes to fit in your closet," Rosie said, raising her glass with a wink._

"_To hoping that one day, Lena will leave Ben and move in with me," Halvo said, wiggling his eyebrows. I scoffed and shook my head._

"_Fat chance, buddy."_

"_To hoping that you guys find the kind of happiness that I get to experience every single day," Ben said, squeezing my hand under the table. I sighed, because now, of course, I felt guilty. I had happiness. I had love. I had everything I could want._

_Everyone was staring at me expectantly. _

"_Oh right, my turn." I sighed, wracking my brains. "To hoping that you guys learn how to live with another person. It's harder than it looks," I laughed, squeezing Ben's hand back to make sure he knew I meant it in the best way. He rolled his eyes and grinned at me, knowing how hard it was for us to live with each other at first._

"_So Ben, how's the practice going?" Rusty asked, trying to make small talk during dinner._

"_It's going really well. Thank you again for letting us tag along with you."_

"_It's no problem. I'm sure Lena and Rosie will become close when we're gone." Rusty winked at me. I smiled politely and looked over at Rosie, who was beaming at the idea._

_Not likely._

"_Excuse me," I said, scooting my chair back and folding my napkin down on the table. I grabbed my jacket and made my way to my car. It was the only place I could smoke without receiving death glares from Ben. _

_Two cigarettes in and I heard my passenger door open. I knew who it was, I didn't even have to look. I knew just how he smelled._

"_Want one?" I asked, holding my open pack of cigarettes out for him._

"_Rosie's trying to get me to stop," he sighed. "But fuck it," he said, grabbing one._

"_Butt fuck it," I chuckled, taking a long drag._

"_I didn't mean to leave during dinner, I just really had to get out of there. It's like a million degrees in your house, bro. It feels like my grandmothers house."_

"_I know. The air is broken."_

"_It's December. Open a window."_

"_Yeah, yeah," he said, crashing his shoulder into mine and shoving._

"_I just don't want things to change. You're my best friend."_

"_I've been dating Rosie for a few months. Nothing's changed yet, has it?"_

"_A little," I sighed, answering truthfully. "I don't want to sound like an asshole or a whiny bitch, or whatever. I just…I love you, Rusty. I am so glad that you are happy, I really am."_

"_Lenny, things won't change. I promise. We'll still have Thursday night dinners and game nights. We'll still call each other at 3 AM when we can't sleep and play Call of Duty. The only thing that is different is that I have Rosie here. That's all that has changed."_

_I nodded and looked over at him. His hair was cut short and he had stubble growing on his chin. It was just the way I liked it._

"_I love you too, Lenny. There's something I've actually wanted to talk to you about for a while."_

"_What is it?" I asked, lighting up my third cigarette._

"_I need for you to tell me that you're happy with Ben."_

_I choked on the smoke of my cigarette and gasped for air. "W-what?"_

"_Are you?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because, Lenny. You were only supposed to be here for the summer. You were supposed to go back to school last fall. Here it is, Christmas Eve, and you're still here. I'm not complaining, god I love having you here. I just want you to get everything you can out of your life. School is something that you've always wanted. What are you doing?"_

"_Well… I-" I stopped and thought about it. I hadn't thought about school in months. I ignored all of the calls from my mom and my uncle. I left that part of my life behind because I didn't want it anymore. My life here meant more to me than anything Seattle had to offer._

"_I'm home here. You, and Ben and the guys, Peyton and Julia and god, just everyone. They are my family now."_

"_What about school?"_

"_Well. ASU has a good English program." I shrugged. "Honestly, Rusty, I've been so caught up in everything that school just took a backseat."_

"_But you're going to go back, right? You're going to become some famous writer and write awesome books about my band, right?"_

"_Of course," I laughed along with him. _

"_We should probably get back inside."_

"_Wait. Before we go back in, I have your Christmas present."_

"_How funny. I have yours as well," he winked, reaching in his coat pocket._

"_You first," I grinned, reaching into the back seat and grabbing the package, thrusting it into his grasp._

"_Wow," he said, spinning the package in his hand. "Feels like a record."_

"_Oh does it now?" I asked._

"_Yes."_

"_Well, that's probably because it is a record." I rolled my eyes._

_I watched his face as he ripped the paper off. His eyes went wide as he stared at it._

"_How did you afford this?" he asked, in awe._

"_I had my room-mate in Seattle ship me some of my old vinyl. There was a lot that I didn't listen to anymore. I traded them in."_

"_God, I love you," he said, pulling me in for a hug._

"_I love you too," I sighed into his shoulder. _

"_Love is Hell on vinyl. God, I'm the luckiest person alive."_

"_You are," I agreed. "You have no idea how much I wanted to keep it for myself."_

"_You can come and listen to it anytime you want, Lenny."_

"_Works for me. I just thought of that morning after that party where we first met, how we just listened to Ryan Adams and cooked."_

"_Thank you, Lena. Seriously. Thank you."_

"_You are very welcome."_

"_Okay, now I have to follow that up. God."_

"_Oh hush. I'll love whatever it is, I'm almost positive."_

_He handed over the package and I shook it._

"_Wonder what it could be."_

_He grabbed the box back and sighed. "God, this is the dumbest thing in the world. I really should get you something else."_

"_Stop it. I am sure it is perfect."_

_He handed me the box back and held his breath as I opened it._

"_A potato peeler?" I asked, scoffing as he started laughing._

"_That morning, when we were cooking in the kitchen-"_

"_I didn't know how to peel potatoes."_

"_Right, I was making hash browns and you looked so confused."_

"_I don't cook!"_

"_Exactly. Now you can practice."_

"_I love it," I smiled, staring at the purple potato peeler._

"_There's one more thing," he said, pointing to the box. I took out the blank cd he had in packed in there._

"_All of the songs that make me think of you," he answered the question I was about to ask. I grinned and popped it into the car stereo._

"_They can wait a few more minutes, can't they?" I asked, waiting for the stereo to read the cd._

"_Of course they can," he winked, leaning his chair back. _

"Oh come on," Brayden said, running his hand through his hair, leaving his hair standing up in all different directions.

"I know, I know. She always stops them at the worse times."

It was then that we heard the click of the side door.

"Dad's home," he said, popping off of the couch.

"Mi familia," the man said, looking around the kitchen.

"Hey dad," Brayden said, dragging me behind me.

"Hey," he nodded his head towards Brayden. "And hello to you."

"Hi Mr. Nickelsen," I said, holding out my hand. He swatted it away and pulled me in for a hug.

"It's Garrett," he corrected me, pulling away.

"Garrett," I repeated with a nod.

"So Julia tells me you've been spending a lot of time with bonehead brother number two," he said, pointing to Brayden.

"Should I not?" I asked, confused.

"He's a good guy," Garrett shrugged. "It's just, Lucas is more attractive, in my opinion."

Brayden punched his dad's arm and rolled his eyes. "We're going, dad," he said, grabbing my hand.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you!" 

"Aw no, I want to stay."

"You have to go get ready for graduation," Garrett winked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. "Carolina and I have some baby pictures to browse."

"I'll cause you bodily harm," Brayden said, through gritted teeth.

"Aw, this is payback for calling your mother a slut," Garrett winked. Julia entered the kitchen and pointed at Brayden shouting, "BURN."

/\\/\\

After going through multiple baby books and 18 years of bad choices, we made it to Brayden's high school. We parted ways when we got there as he went to join the rest of his class. I was soon met with a few familiar faces.

"Hey Carolina," Gibbs said, kissing my cheek with that mustache.

"Hey Gibbs. Hey Halvo," I said, kissing his cheek as I passed by his chair.

"Hello gorgeous," he replied, with a wink.

We made small talk until the graduation festivities began. It wasn't until the valedictorian speech that I paid close attention.

"I don't really have a speech planned," he said, looking around the room at the hundreds of people there. "I'm really bad at putting my thoughts down on paper. I'm of a 'fly by the seat of your pants,' guy. Anyways," he sighed, looking nervous. "Anyways. Most of us have been together for the past 12 years of school. I remember walking into Mrs. Green's class in pre-school, thinking I was the coolest kid there in my brother's hand me down Star Wars shirt with my Chewbacca lunchbox." Most of the kids laughed and I smiled, thinking of the very picture I saw earlier in the day. "I remember walking in thinking that all of the kids there, they were just as scared as I was. I feel more scared today, standing up here, looking at all of you that I have seen almost every day for the past 12 years. We have gotten each other through so much, you know. We've seen each other through a lot," he paused to take a deep breath. That was when his blue eyes found mine. "An unexpected person has just come into my life," he smiled at me, and I smiled back. Gibbs threw his arm around me and gave me a slight squeeze. "She's unlike any other person I've ever met. She told me that life is going to change. Instead of fearing it, we should embrace it. We won't see each other every day anymore. We are going to start growing up. Some of us are going to college, some are going into the military-" He was cut off by some guys yelling "Hoo-Rah!" He laughed and shook his head. "Some of us don't have a plan, and that's okay. I just hope that wherever we go in life is where we want to go. Never forget where we grew up; never forget Arizona, or the people who make this place home." He paused again, looking at his classmates. "I wish all of you luck in your future endeavors. Congratulations class of 2030. We made it!"

Cheers and claps were heard throughout the entire gymnasium. I had no idea he was the valedictorian, but I was excited to find out just hard the valedictorian partied.


	9. Life of the Party

I had never been to a party like this. The parties in Seattle had nothing on parties in Arizona. I'd seen more drugs, booze and sex walking through the backyard than I had ever seen in my entire life. Everyone seemed to gravitate towards Brayden, who hadn't let go of my hand since we arrived, which I was very grateful for. He had introduced me to some of his friends, who couldn't keep their eyes above my chest, which I couldn't understand. I was wearing a shirt that covered everything it should have. Brayden noticed and lead me away from his creepy friends rather quickly.

"They don't talk to females that often," he shrugged with a laugh. "But I'm going to get a drink. Are you sure you don't want one?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm positive," I sighed. I really did want to drink; this was a party after all. I couldn't allow myself that pleasure though. I did NOT want a repeat of events that happened at Austin's house. Besides… I didn't know what the plans were and I wanted to be ready in case I had to drive us back to Brayden's. "Maybe a water though?"

"Of course," he nodded and made his way towards the kitchen. For someone whose idea of a perfect Friday night consisted of a good book and a blanket, this was certainly something. After about five minutes of Brayden being gone, it must have seemed like I was here by myself, which apparently made me look like easy prey.

He wasn't ugly, by any means. He had a strong jaw, well defined muscles and intense hazel eyes.

"Hi," he said with a smile.

"Hi," I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear, looking around for Brayden.

"I don't think I've ever seen you at any of these parties, have I?"

"Um- no, you haven't. I'm not from here." I shrugged.

"Where are you from?" he asked, actually looking interested in our dull conversation.

"Seattle."

"Ah, Seattle," he nodded, bringing his drink to his lips and taking a sip. "I'm Brandon."

"I'm -"

"Go away, Brandon," Brayden said, stepping next to me and wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me close.

"You're with him?" Brandon asked, raising one of his eyebrows.

"She's definitely not leaving with you," Brayden said through gritted teeth. I sensed some tension.

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Seattle," he said, his face almost looking sad.

"You too," I shrugged, looking over at Brayden who was seething with fury.

"Fucking asshole," he murmured under his breath, shaking his head.

"He seemed harmless to me."

"Remember when we were at the park and I told you about my ex girlfriend?" he asked, his eyes finding mine. I nodded and then it seemed to click.

"He was the guy, wasn't he? Your friend that she cheated on you with?" He simply nodded and brought the red cup up to his lips for a sip. I bit my lip and felt bad for him. He had to sit here and watch the guy who stole his girlfriend try to get it in with other girls. I guess their relationship didn't last.

"Oh, here," he said, lifting his other hand and handing me my bottle of water.

"Thank you," I smiled, unscrewing the cap and taking a sip. "And thank you from saving me from the asshole."

"My pleasure," he winked, grabbing my hand and leading me further into the party. When I said that everyone was drawn to Brayden, I meant it. He seemed to be the life of the party, the guy that everyone wanted to be around. That was cool and all, but that meant that I got pushed to the side. He kept shooting apologetic looks, but I shrugged it off. It really didn't bother me. This was his high school graduation party, after all. I decided to go outside to get some air that wasn't clouded with illegal substances. Nobody bothered me out there, and for that I was grateful. I sipped at my water and looked up at the stars, loving how clear the night sky was here.

I heard the ruffling of clothes and somebody sit down on the porch railing next to me. I smiled and looked over, expecting it to be Brayden, but it wasn't. She was tall, had the most gorgeous face I had ever seen in person and looked as if she had zero percent body fat. I felt inadequate just sitting next to. She looked over at me and smiled shyly.

"He's a good guy," she nodded, looking back up at the sky.

"What?"

"Brayden. He's a good guy. You're lucky to have him."

"Oh, we're not dating," I shrugged, still looking at her.

"Not yet," she grinned, taking a sip out of her red cup. "I'm Jordan," she said, offering her hand. That explained it. She was his ex girlfriend.

"Carolina," I offered, giving her a hand a firm shake.

"You're probably sitting there judging me, or silently hating me, and that's okay. I deserve it."

"I'm not, I promise. I'm not that kind of person," I said, being as honest as I could be. I wanted to sit here and judge her, but what would that accomplish? She let Brayden go, and for the life of me, I could not figure out why.

"Well, what kind of person are you then?" she asked with a smile.

"The kind who is wondering how you could ever let him go." I voiced my previous thoughts.

"Ah, that kind," she said, bringing her drink to her lips, tipping back her head to finish it off. "Well," she started, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I'm young, stupid and impressionable. Brayden was my first serious boyfriend. My first everything, really, but everything was safe with him. He's almost too good of a guy."

"Is there such a thing?" I laughed, shaking my head lightly. She smiled and shrugged.

"For me, there is. I got drunk at a party and Brandon was definitely not safe. I didn't even remember it when I woke up the next morning. Sober, I would never ever go for Brandon. He and Brayden used to be best friends, but I ruined that."

"Yeah, but it wasn't just you. Brandon had a hand in it too."

"Yeah, I know," she sighed. "I just, I'm going to college in Virginia in a few months. I guess now I don't have to worry about Brayden. I watched him earlier and I don't think I've ever seen him as happy as he is when he's around you."

"I-" I started, but was cut off with the sound of a throat clearing. We both turned around to see Brayden awkwardly standing with his hands in his pockets.

"How long have you been there?" Jordan asked, her face turning a slight shade of red.

"Long enough," he shrugged.

"Can we talk?" she asked, hopping down off of the railing, looking hopeful. I watched Brayden as he shook his head from side to side.

"We have nothing to talk about," he informed her, running his hand through his hair. "As far as I'm concerned, nothing would make this any better, Jordan."

She pushed herself away from the rail with a nod and looked back at me with a half-smile. "It was nice to meet you."

"Likewise," I smiled with a nod. She started to walk back into the house but stopped in front of Brayden on the way.

"I'm sorry," she said, it was merely a whisper. I shot him a look when he glanced at me for a second and he sighed.

"Jordan, wait," he called out right before she entered the house. He glanced at me one last time with a smile and a shake of the head before he followed her into the house. They needed to talk, and if it took me shooting him dirty looks to get him to realize it, then so be it. I liked Jordan. Even if we had just met, I could tell that she had a good heart and that her head must have been in the wrong place when she slept with Brandon.

It didn't take long until I was targeted again.

"So Seattle, you come to a party thousands of miles away to sit outside and drink water?" he asked, sitting down next to me on the porch railing.

"Ah, Brandon," I sighed, trying not to sound too unenthusiastic. "I threw all of my adventure up on a complete strangers deck. So, I'm trying not to have a repeat, if that's alright." He chuckled to himself and nodded.

"Wow, you're one of those girls who actually has a sense of self worth, aren't you?"

I just shrugged. "Something like that."

"You're like a unicorn or some shit."

I just laughed at his drunken comparison. "What?"

"Ah shit," he stuttered. "You know, like something rare."

I shook my head with a smile. "You know, if I were drunk, I might actually find you charming."

"Then I say we get you drunk!" he joked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Now, now… with all of these other ladies here, why are you sitting out here with me? You are wasting that charm!"

He threw his arm around me and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Maybe I'm right where I want to be."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes and push against his falling frame to stabilize him a bit.

"How much have you had to drink?"

He just shrugged at my question and finished off the contents of his cup. I looked over at him to find he was already looking at me.

"God, you have the most beautiful blue eyes," he said, peering right into them.

"Yeah, well, they're brown," I said, grabbing the arm around my shoulder before he plummeted off of the porch.

The next thing I knew his lips were on mine. I let go of his arm and gave him a slight push, watching him fall off of the porch. He grunted in pain and rolled over. I hopped down into the grass and knelt down next to him.

"Oh shit, Brandon. I'm so sorry." I said, grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back. "I think your lips must have accidentally landed on mine, because I know you didn't just try to kiss me." He groaned and muttered something under his breath. I let him go and stood up. When I turned around, Brayden was standing there with a grin on his face.

"I now have a real life hero," he said, placing his hand over his heart. I just smiled and started making my way towards him. "Are you ready to leave?"

"Yeah, I'll drive," I said, grabbing the keys that were dangling from his right hand.

"I can drive," he informed me, but as he started walking, we both noticed the drunken steps he was taking.

"Yeah, no. It's okay," I said as he leaned on me for balance.

After loading him into the old pick up, I climbed into the drivers side. "Oh my god," I groaned, looking at the extra pedal and the gearshift. "It's a stick!"

"It's easy," he slurred a bit. "Okay, put your foot on the clutch."

I just stared at him. He laughed loudly and shook his head.

"Put your left foot on that extra pedal." I did as I was told and then looked at him to see what came next. "Okay, now. Put the gear shift in neutral." I looked at it and then looked back at him, a look of pure confusion painting my face. "Put it in the middle, completely out of gear." I did as I was instructed again. "Okay, now start the car, make sure your foot is still on the clutch. Don't take it off until I tell you."

As soon as I brought the old truck to life, I looked at him expectantly.

"First gear," he said, grabbing my hand and placing on the shifter. "That's right here," he said, helping me put the car into gear.

"God, you're a very efficient teacher even when you're drunk," I said and we both laughed.

"I'm not overwhelmingly drunk," he informed me, directing his hazy eyes towards me. "Okay, now you're going to take your foot off of the clutch and step on the gas simultaneously."

I took a deep breath and let off of the clutch a tiny bit and the car jerked forward and cut off.

"That's okay, it's fine," he said, patting my shoulder like I was a small child. "Start it back up."

I did as I was told and looked over at him again.

"Okay," he lifted both of his arms up. "This is the clutch," he said, lifting his left hand up, "and this is the gas," he said, lifting the right one. "This is what needs to happen," he said, moving the left one up and he moved the right one down. "When you let off of this one, this one needs to pushed just as much."

I nodded and took my foot off a tiny bit and pushed forward on the gas a little and then I killed it again. Frustrated, I threw my hands in the air. I never had trouble learning new things. He was trying not to laugh. I tried it over and over again until finally the car started to roll forwards without cutting off. I started celebrating after I had made it a few feet and killed it again.

"Well," Brayden started, grabbing a blanket out of the backseat, "Before we murder my transmission…"

I sighed and took the keys out of the ignition. He hopped out of the truck and walked towards him. Instead of switching sides, I watched as he climbed his way onto the bed of the old truck. He laid the blanket down and turned around to offer me his hand. I smiled and took a hold of it, climbing in behind him. He laid down and patted the blanket beside him. I joined him and thought about just how eventful my life had been since I'd had the pleasure of meeting him. He pushed me more and more each day to see things in a different light and to accept that I would be constantly pushed out of my comfort zone. In Seattle, I didn't really do anything. After my mother died, I just used that as an excuse to say in my house, sheltered from the world. Brayden was showing me just how much I had been missing. I looked over at him to find that he was already looking at me.

"God, you have the most beautiful blue eyes," he said, keeping a straight face. I busted out laughing and shoved his chest.

"Shut up!"

"God, the way you manhandled him, wow. Definitely in my top 5 favorite moments."

I shook my head and smiled. "That kind of stuff doesn't sit well with me."

"I'm glad. I'm glad you're not the type of girl that lets people walk all over them. It's refreshing."

We were silent for a while, just staring at the stars.

"So," I said, breaking the silence. "Did you and Jordan get things sorted?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Uh, yeah. Sorted," he said with a slight nod of his head.

"Are you guys going to try again?" I asked and then instantly regretted it. What if he said yes? Would I be able to handle it? I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't developed feelings for him.

"Why would I want that?" he asked. I could feel his warm breath hitting my cheek and it made me realize how close were. "She cheated on me. I mean, I kind of forgave her, but forgiveness and trust are two totally different things."

We were quiet for what seemed like forever. His voice finally pulled me out of my own head. "It's funny how you can think everything is perfect, you know? Not even know how completely oblivious you really are." He paused to take a deep breath. "I thought I was going to marry her. I know how stupid that must seem. I'm only 18, but everyday for the past 3 years, she was all I wanted. I thought we were going to get married, have a family and grown old together. I guess she didn't have the same vision I did."

I looked over at him, but he was looking up at the stars. "Have you ever had someone like that?"

"Well," I sighed, "I've never really had time to date. My mom got sick a few years ago and everything else sort of took a back seat." He reached over and grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. Just that action alone let me know that he truly was here for me, and I allowed myself to show emotions for the first time in two months. I allowed myself to cry. At first the tears felt foreign and unwelcome, but once I started crying and I couldn't stop. Brayden scooped me up in his arms and whispered sweet nothings into my ears, but I'd been holding this in for so long. Then I realized that I was almost relieved to feel the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. It meant that I was still capable of feeling; that I hadn't completely shut down all of my emotions.

"I'm sorry," I finally choked out. I was sure Brayden hadn't anticipated me crying all over his shirt on his graduation night.

"You have nothing to be sorry about" he said, running his thumb lightly over my hip to try to calm me down. I think I felt him kiss the top of my head, but I wasn't positive. "To be honest, I was wondering if all of this getting to be too much. The letters from your mom, and the stares from all of her old friends, it would drive me completely crazy. I love my mom to death and if I ever lost her, I would never be as calm and collected as you've been. I would be the biggest mess to walk the earth. Let it all go."

"Oh my god," I started to laugh, wiping my eyes and pulling back to look at him. "You're the most thoughtful drunk ever."

"I sobered up a little while ago," he confessed. "I just liked being here, with you. I didn't want to drive home just yet."

I smiled and nodded, wiping the rest of my tears away and taking a deep breath to try to stop crying.

"We've both been through hell, not that I'm comparing mine to yours, but I just feel like we were meant to help each other through it. Does that sound crazy?" he asked.

I shook my head from side to side. "Not crazy at all."

And it didn't sound crazy to me. It was what I had been thinking since I met him. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He laid back and pulled me with him. We fell asleep outside for the second night in a row beneath the Arizona stars.

/\\/\\/\\

After running by my hotel so that I could shower and change, we made our way to my next house.

"Anything I should know before I go in?" I asked, unbuckling my seatbelt and looking at the charming one story house.

"Hmmm," he thought to himself, doing the same. "Nope. They're regular people."

"Aw, I was hoping for some crazies," I joked, jumping out of the truck. Brayden walked around the front of the old pick up and took my hand, leading me towards the door.

"Nope, they're normal, their doorbell isn't broken, they won't force-feed you lasagna, they aren't scatterbrained or sex crazed and they won't get you drunk," he joked, talking about some of the previous houses I had been to. I told him all about the visits that had happened before he had started coming with me. He found most of the stories to be hilarious and even felt the need to apologize on their behalf.

For the first time I didn't feel the least bit nervous, which was definitely something. The door opened and my focus was drawn to a beard.

"Hi," I spoke up, smiling at the older gentleman.

"Hello, Carolina," he said, sticking out his hand. "I'm Andrew."

"It's very nice to meet you," I said, shaking his hand and stepping inside of the house after he gestured for me to.

"Ah, Brayden," he nodded towards him and gave him a bro hug. "Congratulations on that whole graduating thing."

"Thanks," he smiled, placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me further into Andrew's house.

A woman with reddish-brown hair was sitting in the living room with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. She quickly shoved it to the side and stood up, shooting a smile our way.

"Carolina, this is my wife, Rosie."

I froze and Brayden chuckled. I shot him a look and he understood it. He nodded his head, telling me that it was, in fact, the same Rosie. I finally looked back at her and gave a small wave. "It's nice to meet you," I said, politely. "Will you guys excuse us for just a second?" I asked, grabbing Brayden's hand and dragging him behind me. When we reached a spot in the house deemed far enough away, I laid into him.

"How could you not have warned me? You know her?" I asked, dropping his hand with such force, he stared at me like I was crazy. "I mean, is he… is Andrew… is he my dad? Did my mom make him cheat on Rosie?" I started pacing the hardwood floor. "Was my mom the other woman? Is that why he doesn't know about me? I mean, did my mom get pregnant and not tell him because he was already married?"

"Calm down," he said, stepping in front of me to stop my pacing. "To be honest, I don't now who your dad is. My mom wouldn't tell me. So I can't answer any of those questions, but I know Rosie. She would never let Andrew live if she found out he cheated on her. She also probably wouldn't be too keen on having you here if you were Andrew's kid."

"Well, why would she be keen on having me here anyway? She dated Rusty and my mom obviously got in the way. If Andrew is Rusty, or even if he's not, I'm sure she doesn't want me here to remind her."

"You don't know how Andrew and Rosie are. They were supposed to be together, I promise you. They have been together for as long as I can remember. Also, you told me that your dad doesn't know about you. When we walked in, Andrew knew who you were; he was expecting you. So I think you are freaking out over nothing. What do I always tell you every single time you freak out?"

I sighed and pushed my bangs out of my face. "That my mom knows what she is doing and I need to trust her."

"So trust her," he said, placing his hands on my shoulders and spinning me around. He started to push me back into the room where Andrew and Rosie were standing awkwardly, talking in hushed tones.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, "I really didn't meant to be rude."

"You're perfectly fine," she said, smiling at me again. "We were getting worried."

"So," Andrew said, clapping his hands together really loudly, "Brayden, we weren't expecting you to come."

"We're kind of a packaged deal these days," he said, slinging his arm over my shoulders.

I was watching Rosie. She didn't look the least bit weirded out by me being here. She was laughing and joking with Brayden and Andrew and I decided that I understood why my mom had a hard time hating her. She was gorgeous and polite and funny. When she handed me my letter, she gave me a thumbs up and told me to come to the backyard when we were done.

"I really like her," I told Brayden as we fell down onto the couch.

"Yeah, she has that effect on people."

"Okay mom, what do you have in store for me today?" I said under my breath as I opened the envelope.

_My Sweet Carolina,_

_Handy Andy, as like to call him, is not your father. I am sure you jumped to conclusions because you saw whom he was married to. When you read this story and you see all of the drama unfolding, just remember that some people did get happy endings. Your father and I just weren't those people._

Months had passed and we were now entering the brunt of summer. I had been in Arizona for almost a year, which pissed your grandmother off to no end. I had started taking summer classes at ASU, which was occupying most of my time. Ben had been touring nonstop ever since he got off of that tour with Rusty's band. They seemed to be steadily growing a fan base, and I don't think I had ever seen him so happy. A lot had happened in those 6 months, but no news as important as the fact that Rusty had asked me to go with him to pick out an engagement ring. "It's not for this moment in time," he told me; trying to convince me that it was the right decision. "It's for the near future. I want to be with her, Len."

I couldn't wrap my head around it. I couldn't wrap my head around anything because my head was a very scattered and dangerous place. On the one hand, I had Ben, who made me happy. He loved me, and I loved him, but I often had to convince myself. I remember talking to Rusty about it one day and it is a conversation that I still remember word for word.

"I think I am going to break up with Ben," I said, taking a sip of my strawberry smoothie. It was early May and Rusty and I had gone to the mall to get out of our respective houses. He just stared at me and shook his head.

"Haha, you're hilarious," he said, flipping through a random bin.

"No, I've never been more serious about anything in my life."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm not happy anymore." I shrugged, hoping that he would leave it at that. Of course, he had to pry.

"Why not?"

"Does it matter? I'm just not happy. I'm twenty-two years old. I don't want to waste my time on someone that doesn't make me overwhelmingly happy."

"You're right. You deserve someone who makes you want to wake up happy every day."

I had someone like that; he just wasn't allowed to be mine.

"Ben makes me happy, but I don't know. Forget it."

So he did.

"What about this one?" he asked, pointing to a very large princess cut diamond ring.

"Will her finger even support that?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"You've had something negative to say about every ring I've picked out," he whined.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, closing my eyes. I didn't want to be here.

"What would you want?"

"None of these. I would want none of these. I would want a simple band. Diamonds aren't needed to show someone that you fucking love them."

"Jesus Christ Lena, what is wrong with you today?"

"Damn it, Rusty. Don't you think you're moving a little fast?"

"For the fiftieth time, I am not proposing to her today, okay? I'm just looking. I know I want to be with her."

"Why? How do you know she's the one?" I yelled, earning looks from annoyed sales people.

"I just know," he yelled back with force. "Aren't you supposed to be happy for your best friend when they tell you that they plan on getting engaged?"

"Yeah, sure," I shrugged. "If they weren't making a huge mistake."

"Please, tell me how I am making a mistake?" he scoffed, crossing his arms and giving me a hateful look that he had never given me before.

"Can we do this somewhere else?" I asked, looking around at the scene we were causing.

"I don't know if I want to go anywhere with you right now," he said through gritted teeth. "Just because you're not happy in your relationship, it doesn't mean that you have to bring me down with you."

"I'm so sorry," I was practically fuming. "I won't bring you down anymore." I turned on my heel and started walking away from him. I heard him groan loudly.

"Lena, where are you going? I drove us here."

"I'll walk home, thank you very much," I yelled out behind me.

"Fine."

"Fine!"

/\\/\\/\\

I was sitting on my couch watching "He's Just Not That Into You," when my phone rang. I picked up on the first ring.

"I'm so sorry," I said, pausing my movie.

"No, I'm sorry. Can I come over?"

"Yeah," I nodded, like he could see me.

"Well, open your door, I'm already here."

I chuckled and hung up the phone. The second I threw the door open, he embraced me in a hug.

"Let's not ever fight again," I said, pulling him tighter.

"Yeah, that really sucked."

"I'm really sorry, Rusty. I don't know what's wrong with me lately."

He shuffled us forward without breaking contact and kicked the door closed.

Then I realized that I had lied, and I did know what was wrong with me.

"I think I do," he said, pulling back and looking into my eyes.

"You do?"

"Yeah. You're worried you're not going to find someone, aren't you."

"No," I shook my head.

The lights were dim and he looked really good and my head kept screaming, "Kiss him," but I ignored it. I wasn't that kind of person.

"You can talk to me about anything Lenny. Anything at all."

"I know," I sighed, and let go of him. I forcefully brushed my bangs out of my face and groaned. "But it's not that simple."

"I'll still love you no matter what," he said, nudging me with his shoulder. I just stared up at him.

"The first night we met at the bar, why did you start talking to me?" I asked. He looked at me oddly and then shrugged.

"I don't know. You looked lonely and I saw you had been staring at Ben. I thought you were pretty, so I talked to you."

"You thought I was pretty?"

"I always think you're gorgeous, but what does this have to do with anything?"

"Nothing, I just, I think about that night a lot and I wish I had done so many things differently."

"What are you talking about?"

"Forget it." I sighed, starting towards the living, but Rusty grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"What do you wish had been different?"

I took a deep breath and held it in as long as I could. I let it out with a rush of words. "I wish I would have left the bar with you and gone to the party with you and woke up next to you, not Ben."

He let go of my arm as if it were on fire and stared at me with a dumbfounded look.

"What?" was all he could manage to say.

"I just mean…" I stopped and started to panic. "Nothing, I just mean you're my best friend, you know, and if I had left with you, I wouldn't have to hurt Ben."

"You're lying. That's not what you mean," he said after a minute or so of staring at each other. "Just tell me what you mean, Lenny."

"I love you," I said but it came out as merely a whisper. I didn't even have time to register anything before his lips crashed into mine. The kiss was slow and testing, but it ended just as soon as it started.

"Fuck," he whispered as he cautiously took a step away from me and wiped his mouth like I had the plague. "Damn it, Lena," he said, closing his eyes. "I've had feelings for you since I saw you sitting alone at that bar, but you wanted Ben. So when you guys were shamelessly flirting in front of me, I started talking to Rosie. At first it was to distract myself from you, but I fell for her."

He had feelings for me. Out of that whole speech, that was all that stuck out in my mind.

"And as much as I love you, Lenny, I can't throw everything I have with her away."

If my head wasn't messed up before, it certainly was now. For the first time I could actually feel my heart getting heavy.

"Then go be with her," I forced out, opening my front door.

"I'm so sorry, Lenny," he said, planting a kiss to the top of my head. I looked up at him and instantly regretted ever telling him. How could I think that once I told him, everything would be okay?

He quietly shut the door behind him. That almost silent click of the door hurt more than if he would have just slammed it in my face.

"What have I done?" I asked nobody in particular as I slid my way down the wall. I didn't know how long I sat there, going over that kiss in my head.

I may have just lost my best friend.

"Wow," was all Brayden could say.

"That was depressing," I said, still staring down at the last page.

"Your mom really does have the worst luck," he said, pushing himself up off of the couch. He pulled me and started leading me to the backyard.

"It sounds like my mom was in the permanent friends zone."

"Yeah, but at least you already know that somewhere down the line she moves out of the friends zone. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here," he informed me with a smile.

"Ah there you kids are," Andrew said, flipping whatever he was grilling.

That was one of the things I loved about meeting all of these people. They kept me fed.

"I laid a bathing suit out for you if you wanted to go swimming, Carolina," Rosie said, shooting me a smile. "I bought it a long time ago and never wore it."

"Thank you, but I don't know if I'll swim," I shrugged.

"Hey Carolina, can I see your phone real quick?" Brayden asked, holding his hand out.

"Yeah," I said, digging it out of my back pocket. "Why?"

He scooped me up and threw me over his shoulder again. "I didn't want to get it wet when I threw you in the pool!"

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

He sat me down right next to the pool and started laughing.

"Wimp!" Andrew yelled with a laugh.

"I think she would kill me!" Brayden shot back. I saw what was coming next, so when he started to push me, I grabbed onto him with all that I could and took him with me.

/\\/\\

Andrew, I discovered, was one of the coolest people I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. I wanted to ask how he and Rosie ended up together so bad, but I knew that I couldn't do that. Not yet. Not until I read the rest of my mom's story. Brayden looked at ease as he talked to Rosie about her homemade macaroni and cheese. Andrew was talking to me about growing up in Massachusetts, and how he also had to adjust to the weather once he moved here.

I decided then and there that I needed people like these in my life. I needed people that I could rely on, and get to know. People that would be there for me no matter what.

"So do you have plans to go to college?" Rosie asked me, serving me a second helping of mac and cheese.

"I may look into ASU," I said, looking over at Brayden, who was already smiling.

"You want to stay?" he asked.

"There's nothing for me in Seattle," I shrugged.

"You sound like your mom," Andrew informed me.

"I have everything I could ever want here."


	10. Pullin Punches

His name was Grayson. He had my heart on lockdown and I was totally caught up in everything that he was. His blonde hair, his chocolate eyes; every other single feature he had was flawless.

"Grayson, stop it," she said, trying to pull the tiny puppy away from me.

"I don't mind, do I Grayson?" I asked in a baby voice, still sitting on the ground, wanting to hold the tiny baby for the rest of my life. The lady just laughed and shook her head.

"He has that effect on women." She sighed. I looked up at her and offered her a smile.

"I'm Carolina," I offered, switching Grayson to the other arm so that I could offer her my hand. She took it and helped me off of the floor.

"I'm Annie," she replied with a genuine smile. I wiped the dirt off of my shorts and followed her inside of her house. It wasn't until I felt an arm wrap around me that I remembered Brayden came with me. Only a puppy would make me forget about him, I supposed.

"Where is he?" Brayden asked, grabbing an apple out of the overflowing fruit bowl and taking a bite.

"Band room," she answered with a roll of her eyes and he was gone in a split second, leaving me with a complete stranger. I watched her maneuver her way around the kitchen, 20 things going on at once. I simply studied her, entranced by the speed of someone so tiny.

"Do you need any help?" I asked, feeling utterly useless.

"Uh, yeah sorry about this. I have an order I have to deliver in a few hours and I am not nearly as close to being done as I should be. I guess that's what happens when you marry someone with the mentality of a 5 year old. I have to take care of him and take care everything else."

I dropped my bag and paced my way into the kitchen, clapping my hands once as I looked around. I figured since Brayden left me, I would make myself useful.

"What can I do to help?"

"Uh…" she thought for a second, and then started cursing under her breath. "Wash your hands, and then grab that plate over there," she motioned the direction with her head. I did what I was told and then waited for further instruction.

"Okay, I am going to need you to move these cupcakes onto that plate," she pointed with her elbow, as her hands were currently moving at a thousand miles an hour. "And then-" but she was cut off by the beeping of a timer. "Ugh, and then can you grab those out of the oven and set them on the cooling rack over there?" she asked, pointing the general direction with her foot. I stifled a giggle and grabbed the oven mitts, gently taking the pan of cupcakes out of the oven and placing them on the cooling rack as I was told.

"Annie, how many cupcakes are you making?" I asked, looking around at what had to have been hundreds of cupcakes.

"God, I have no idea anymore," she sighed, wiping the sweat from her brow as she dropped the frosting bag on the counter. "Graduation week is murder on this business."

"Everyone wants cupcakes for graduation?" I asked, starting to arrange the cupcakes on the plate.

"Everybody and their mother wants these stupid things," she shook her head.

"Do you hate it? Because you shouldn't do something you hate. Life's too short." I shrugged, picking up one of the finished cupcakes and examining it. It was flawless. Even the pearl sprinkles were positioned flawlessly.

"She loves it," said a man that looked so much younger than everyone else I had visited so far. He entered the room and wrapped his arms around Annie's waist, pulling her closer to his chest and placing a kiss to her bare shoulder. Brayden walked in and grabbed the cupcake from my hand, unwrapping it and shoving it into his mouth before I could stop him.

"You little shit," Annie said, tossing a frosting spatula at him, but he easily dodged it.

"What Annie? I'm a growing boy," he scoffed, flexing his arms.

"Yeah, yeah, put those away before you h-hurt somebody," the man said, slapping Brayden's chest as he walked by. "Hi," he said, smiling at me with a wave. "I'm P-pat."

"Carolina," I offered, with a small wave back.

"I know," he smiled, wrapping his arm around Brayden's neck and putting him in a headlock. "Out of all of the l-little punks around here, you had to h-hang out with this one?" he asked. Brayden started to flail around, trying to get out of Pat's grasp. They were about the same size, so it was a pretty fair fight. Pat's hair was what caught me off guard. It was long and healthy looking and put my hair to shame. This was the second guy I had met so far that had better hair than me.

"You idiots knock over one of my cupcakes and see what happens," Annie chimed in, and both guys immediately separated. Somehow, I figured she could be scary if she wanted to be.

"So how do you like Arizona so far?" Pat asked, walking over to the counter and dipping his finger into the bowl of light blue frosting. Annie caught him and literally pushed him out of the kitchen. "Don't make me call your mother."

Pat rolled his eyes and then looked at me.

"I really love it. Everyone is so nice here. I am thinking about moving here." I said, looking over at Brayden, who shot me a smile.

"Really?" Pat asked, his eyebrows ascending as he looked down at me with a smile. "Well, let's see, where did I put that l-letter?"

"You didn't put it anywhere. I wouldn't let you touch it or you would lose it. Check in the coffee table drawer."

"Right," he nodded, making his way towards the living room. I easily slipped my hand into Brayden's and followed Pat into the living room. We watched him dig around in the drawer until he finally came out with the familiar envelope. He handed it over, smiled at me and told us to come find him afterward, just like they all did. Brayden looked more excited for the next installment than I did.

"Hurry up," he whined, pulling my arm and we both fell back onto the sofa.

"God, you're so impatient," I rolled my eyes and shoved him.

"You're slow," he shrugged, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer to him. It always took me by surprise when he did things like that; it always made my stomach do somersaults. I cleared my throat and opened the envelope.

My Sweet Carolina,

This is where things start to get complicated.

"Sounds like it's going to be good," Brayden nudged me with his arm and I looked over at him.

"Shhhhh."

_Months had passed. Months full of total avoidance by Rusty. Months full of lonely, miserable nights in which I stayed at home and ate ice cream out of the carton. If Rusty and I were forced to be in the same room together, there were stolen glances and hushed whispers from our friends, obviously confused at the sudden distance we put between us at all times. It didn't go unnoticed, as I hoped it would._

_Rusty proposed to Rosie a few weeks after our kiss. That kiss changed everything and I suppose my confessed love didn't help matters either. Their wedding was tomorrow, so naturally, we were all forced into a small reception area of the church they were getting married in, waiting to walk down the aisle. I glanced behind me, wanting so badly to walk out of the door and never look back. I couldn't do that though, because I was a bridesmaid. I felt Austin link his arm through mine as he gave me a sheepish grin. He was the only person who knew about my situation with Rusty, because he was the only one I trusted enough not to judge me. He didn't, not once. _

"_Come on Lena," he whispered in my ear. "It'll be fine." I chuckled at the way his mustache tickled my ear and nodded my head. _

"_I know Gibbs," I sighed, watching Julia and Garrett walk down the aisle. The wedding planner was watching, her clipboard in hand, making notes. _

"_When we get married, Lena," he started, and I just shook my head, unable to control the harsh laugh that left my throat. "Let's not get a wedding planner. She fucking scares me," he motioned toward her with a nod of his head._

"_Agreed."_

_I watched the other couples make their way down the aisle, dreading our turn. I wanted to turn down the request to be in the wedding. I was going to avoid it all together, but I couldn't do that because that would make me look weak. It would show Rusty that I was dwelling on something that probably shouldn't have happened in the first place._

"_You clean up real good, Gibbs," I said, bumping my hip into his._

"_I was just about to tell you the same thing. Those legs of yours," he whistled, earning a glare from the wedding planner. "You need to show them off more often, especially in those heels. Damn, girl."_

"_Why?" I shrugged. "My boyfriend is on tour all of the time now and…" I let out a long sigh, looking up at the altar where Rusty was fidgeting. I took a deep breath and lowered my voice, "The guy I'm in love with is getting married. Who do I have left to impress? Everyone is really fucking lucky I even bothered to shave them."_

"_That's lovely," Austin chuckled. It was finally our turn to walk down the aisle. I watched the wedding planner scribble furiously in her book and it made me nervous. Austin was winking and pointing to the people waiting in the pews, and I could almost hear the wedding planner sigh._

"_My feet hurt," I whispered to Gibbs. Without a moment's hesitation, he squatted down, motioning for me to jump on his back. I laughed and jumped on, hoping my dress stayed at an appropriate length so that everyone behind us didn't see my goods. He grasped onto my legs and carried me the rest of the way down the aisle._

"_Yes, thank you for shaving," he said with a chuckle, which I reciprocated. _

"_All for you, darlin'." When we made it to the altar, Austin practically dropped me. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head in apology. With a wink and a skip, he went to stand on the other side, next to Halvo, who punched him. I looked over at Rusty, who was looking at me with a sad look paining his face. He looked away as the next couple walked down the aisle and I let out a sigh. No matter how hard I tried, I knew I would never make it through tomorrow without being heavily medicated or drunk. I knew just who could help with that._

_I glanced at Rusty as Rosie made her way down the aisle and it crushed me to see just how big his smile was. I wished I had a bottle to smash over his perfect head._

"_Okay," the wedding planner shouted, making her way to the front. She flipped through her notebook and I looked over at Gibbs who was making faces at her. "I have a few things I want to touch on." Austin stopped making faces at her and just rolled his eyes. "Couple numbers one and two," she said looking at Nick and Sophia and then at Peyton and Kennedy. "Good job." Austin and I started clapping and Nick gave a bow. "OKAY," the wedding planner yelled over our claps. "Couple number three," she started, looking up at Halvo and Rosie's younger sister. "You need to quicken your pace just a tad."_

"_Really?" Austin mouthed to me and I stifled a giggle. _

"_You two!" she shouted, raising her already stern voice and pointing between me and Austin. I gave her an innocent look and Austin gave her puppy dog eyes._

"_We're going to practice until you two can take this seriously. That was atrocious behavior." Austin laughed and I curtsied. _

"_No offense, ma'am," he said, taking a few steps towards her. "But you seem uptight. Maybe we could go get some drinks afterwards, you know? Maybe a massage?" Austin waited for a reply, but all he got was a stern look. _

"_Austin," Rusty said in a warning tone. Austin threw his hands in the air and backtracked his steps. _

"_Just trying to help."_

_After we practiced walking down the aisle until Lady Hitler deemed it good enough, we all left the church and made our way to the restaurant for the better part of the wedding rehearsal. I saw Rusty making a beeline for me. I hopped in Austin's car and begged for him to hurry up._

_It wasn't long before we were speeding down back roads and jamming to Tom Petty. Austin had, in a sense, replaced Rusty as my best friend. We told each other everything. We were always honest and gave each other advice, even if we didn't particularly want it. _

"_On a scale of one to ten," Austin started, pausing to light up a cigarette "How hard is tomorrow going to be fore you?"_

"_Those can kill you, you know."_

"_Oh shut up. You smoke sometimes." I just shrugged. _

"_Hm. On a scale of one to ten, tomorrow will probably hurt me about a twenty."_

"_That much?"_

"_I miss him."_

"_I can tell he misses you. He hates me now because we spend so much time together."_

"_Well," I sighed, grabbing the cigarette out of his mouth and taking a drag. "He's the one who cut me out."_

"_Let's just try to get through this stupid dinner. I fucking hate weddings."_

"_You don't want to get married?"_

"_Never."_

_I just laughed and shook my head from side to side. "You were just talking about our wedding earlier."_

"_You won't marry me," he scoffed, stealing his cigarette back. "Besides, I would be the world's worst husband"_

"_That's a load of shit. You would be a great husband. I know you would."_

"_You have to say that. You're my best friend."_

"_No. I shouldn't tell you that because I'm your best friend. I should say you will be horrible and keep you all to myself."_

"_Yeah, yeah," he nudged me, sending a small smile my way._

"_You'll find someone that makes your world turn, buddy. I promise you. She's out there."_

"_Nah. She's right here."_

"_Oh shut up." I laughed, stealing his cigarette again._

"_Those can kill you, you know," he mocked me and I waited until we arrived at the restaurant to punch him as hard as I could._

_I stepped out of Austin's car and straightened my dress, looking around to see who had arrived. The only person I didn't want to see, unfortunately, was pulling into the spot right next to Austin's car. I stepped around the tail end of the car and linked my arm through Austin's, forcefully dragging him along next to me._

"_You are such a child, Lena. Just talk to him. He obviously wants to talk to you. Didn't you see him practically flagging you down on your way to the-"_

"_I'm not ready, Gibbs." I cut him off with a shrug. "Besides, I have the hottest date around."_

"_Oh shucks," he laughed, dropping my arm and reaching for my hand, lacing our fingers together. "I could say the same thing, baby."_

"_I've decided I am leaving Ben for you." _

"_Good. He doesn't deserve you anyway."_

"_Gibbs."_

"_Morris."_

"_Do me a favor and don't let go of my hand." He squeezed my hand and ran his fingers over my knuckles. It was the gentlest of motions, but it made me feel at ease._

"_I promise not to let go of your hand unless you tell me to or I have to pee."_

"_Oh you're not letting it go if you have to pee."_

"_Wanna bet?"_

_Entering the restaurant, hand in hand, Austin and I made our way to the bar. "You can't do this sober, Lena, trust me on this."_

"_I wasn't planning on it, Gibbs. I promise you that." _

"_Can I get a jack and coke?" Austin asked the bartender._

"_I'll take a shot of jack," I chimed in. Austin shot me a stern look and I sighed. "Fine. Jack and coke."_

"_Pace yourself sweetheart. We'll get plastered if that's what you want. Just pace yourself."_

"_Are you not participating in the bachelor party?" I asked after thanking the bartender for my drink. It was too light on the Jack._

"_He told us today he didn't want one. He was all for it and then, shit, I don't know. What about you? Going out for the bachelorette party?"_

"_Why would I want to go to that? Julia isn't going because, well she can't drink. Peyton isn't going because, well, kids. Who else do I have? I do NOT want to be stuck with Rosie all night. No thank you. I already can't get the mental image of her and Rusty boning out of my head."_

"_Oh thanks, that's now in my head," he said, shaking his head from side to side. "Wait, why can't Julia drink."_

"_God Gibbs, where have you been? She just found out she was preggers."_

"I'm in the fucking story!" Brayden squeezed my shoulder.

"Jesus Christ," I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry," he laughed. "Continue."

"_No shit,_" _Gibbs sat his drink down on the bar and let out a laugh. "Good for them."_

"_You know, we'd have attractive kids, Gibbs. They would have mustaches."_

"_Honey, I'm not having kids."_

"_Yeah, me either." I looked around the room and my eyes locked with Rusty's. He excused himself from his conversation and started making his way over to us. "Can I get another?" I asked the bartender. Austin grinned and wrapped his free arm around my, pulling me close to his chest, our linked hands dangling between us._

"_You'll make it through this. I promise." Austin mumbled into my hair. I heard someone clear their throat beside me and I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent that was pure Austin, hoping that at least that could help me through what was about to happen._

"_Rusty," Austin greeted with a nod. I downed my drink before I turned to face him. _

"_Lena," Rusty said with a smile and a nod of his head._

"_Hi," was all I could manage to spit out._

"_Do you mind if I steal her away for a bit?"_

"_I would let you, but I have strict orders from Lena, and unless she says it's okay for me to let go of her hand, I can't."_

_Rusty looked hurt as he glanced down to see our hands linked, and I am sure he knew that he was the reason I had asked Austin to do this in the first place._

"_Lena… please." Rusty brought his eyes up to look into mine. I looked over at Austin, silently asking him what I should do. He winked at me and slowly unhooked our hands. He placed a kiss to my temple and whispered, "Go get him, tiger," in my ear. I grasped onto his hand tighter, but he shook his head. "Go." He let go of my hand all together and grabbed his drink, giving me a pat on the butt to get me to move. I looked at Rusty again and then reached back for Austin's hand but he was gone. _

"_Asshole," I mumbled under my breath. _

"_Can we step outside?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck._

"_Why would I want to do that?" I asked, waving to the bartender for another drink. "I mean, we've gone months without talking to each other, Rusty. Why would any of it change? Tonight of all nights."_

"_Please," was all he said. I grabbed my drink and started making my way outside._

_As soon as we made it outside I sat my drink down on the ground and started fumbling around in my bag for my cigarettes. Rusty shoved his hands in his pockets and awkwardly watched me._

"_That asshole."_

"_What?"_

"_Austin must have stolen my cigarettes."_

"_Lena, look at me," he pleaded._

"_No."_

"_God dammit, Lena. You're fidgeting and looking for something to do with your hands. You won't even look at me. What happened to us?"_

_I looked up and let out a laugh that was so harsh it made him cringe. _

"_What happened to us? I fell in love with you, you asshole. You told me that the love was reciprocated. That was the biggest load of shit I have ever heard. You kissed me. YOU kissed ME. Your lips made contact with mine, and then you went and proposed to Rosie. What happened to us, Rusty? We haven't talked in months. We avoid each other like the plague, and here we are. After months of not talking, and I am screaming at you on the side of the restaurant where you are having your fucking rehearsal dinner."_

"_Lena…"_

"_No. Don't 'Lena' me. What did you even want to talk about?"_

"_How long have you and Austin been an item?" he asked, so low that I thought I had made it up in my mind. He couldn't even look at me when he asked the question. He was staring at the ground._

"_Are you serious right now?"_

_He lifted his gaze and took a step towards me; I took a step back._

"_You mean to tell me that you aren't dating? Because the way you two have been acting lately, sure does look like something."_

"_Why does it even fucking matter at this point? You are getting married tomorrow, Rusty. So what if I am? It doesn't matter. It will never make a difference to you who I date now. You'll be married."_

"_It does matter to me. I am your best friend."_

"_Were."_

_His face grew enraged as he took another step towards me. "Am. I AM your best fucking friend, Lena. And as your BEST FRIEND, I would like to offer some friendly advice and tell you that Austin is bad news."_

_I scoffed and crossed my arms, restraining myself from punching his pretty face. "Austin is one of your best friends. He is not bad news. He has been better for me than you have ever been."_

_I watched his face fall as he rested his hand on his chest, informing me that that comment hurt him more than anything else I could have said. I let out the breath I had been holding the entire time I was waiting for him to say something. Of course I hadn't meant that comment, but I couldn't take it back now._

_The clack of his boots against the pavement and his retreating form made me choke on the air I was desperately trying to force into my lungs. I couldn't leave it on that note. I hadn't even meant it. I ran as fast as my 5 inch heels could carry me to try and catch up with him. As soon as my arm grabbed onto his, he spun around and let me have it._

"_You don't get to tell me that he's better than me, Lena. I didn't mean to fall in love with you. It wasn't supposed to happen. You were with Ben, you went home with Ben, you woke up next to Ben, not me. Every day for the last year, you have been with Ben. Not me. When you told me that you loved me, Jesus Christ, Lena. I don't know that I've ever felt the way I did in that moment. I didn't know what it meant, because I have Rosie. I have Rosie and you have Ben. So I'm sorry if your feelings got hurt that I proposed to her. I had to. It would crush her if I just left her."_

"_I'd leave Ben for you in a second."_

"_Why's that?" he asked with a shrug. "You sound so confident, Lenny, but I promise you. If you were faced with the decision, things wouldn't be so black and white. There are shades of fucking grey thrown in there."_

"_No. There aren't. For me there is only you." I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Fuck Rusty, you have this way of making me go against everything I originally planned. I wasn't supposed to come out here and forgive you. I was supposed to be mad and pissed and beat the shit out of you."_

"_Do it. At least one of us will feel better."_

"_You should feel fucking great right now. You're getting married tomorrow."_

_He looked into my eyes and grabbed both of my hands. "Tell me not to."_

_I stared at him, a dumbfounded look on my face. "What?"_

"_Tell me you don't want me to get married."_

_I snatched my hands away from him and shook my head. "No. Because that's the easy way out, isn't? It gives you a reason to get out of this mess. You're a grown man, Rusty. Figure this out yourself. I can't do this anymore. It's physically and mentally exhausting. Can't you see that?" I asked, trying to blink the tears out of my eyes. "This is killing me."_

"_Lena,"_

"_No." I shook my head and turned on my heel, stomping back to the wall where my drink was still occupying a small slice of the sidewalk. I stood up and turned around and all but screamed bloody murder when Rusty's arms forced me up against the wall, his lips crashing into mine. I heard the shatter of glass that occurred after my drink had slipped from my hand. He let go of me, placing his arms on either side of my body, trapping me against the wall._

"_I want to be with you. I want it all with you, Lenny. I want a big house, kids running around, two car garage, all of that. I don't know if I could ever love anyone the way I love you."_

_I couldn't say anything. I stood there, biting my bottom lip, not knowing what to do._

"_I know that my whole family is in there, waiting to give toasts, but damn it, Lena. I want them to toast us at our wedding."_

"_Stop," I said, thrusting my hands into his chest, trying to push him away. He shook his head and grabbed my hands, bringing them both up to his lips to kiss my palms. _

"_No. The past few months have been the worst thing that I have ever had to go through. Knowing that I couldn't call or talk to you, knowing that you would ignore any attempt to get in touch with you. Fuck, Lena."_

"_Rusty, please," I said, blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill over my lashes. "This isn't fair to Rosie."_

"_No. What wouldn't be fair to Rosie is if I married her and spent all of my energy and time loving someone other than my wife. Even if you were thousands of miles away Lena, I don't think I could fall out of love with you."_

_I stopped trying to fight him. My arms went limp in hands as the tears that were threatening to fall started cascading down my cheeks._

"_Let's just go," he pleaded. We'll drive and never look back."_

"_That's irresponsible."_

"_No." He smiled, kissing the top of my head. " It's an adventure."_

"_We can't just-"_

_Rusty cut me off with his lips lightly pressing into mine. He pulled away and sighed, running his hands lightly up and down my arms. "Do you want me to go in there right now and tell everyone that the wedding's off?"_

"_No. I just- I don't want you regretting this; regretting me."_

"_I could never, ever regret you. I promise you that."_

"_Rusty…"_

"_No matter which option I choose, everyone ends up hurt or pissed."_

"_And I end up looking like the homewrecking whore."_

"_My family will love you," he chuckled, planting a kiss to my shoulder and then planting tiny kisses up my neck._

"_No, Rusty. This isn't how this is supposed to happen."_

"_Dammit, stop fighting this woman."_

"_You do understand that there is a 23 year old woman in there, talking to her family about how wonderful her life is going to be? She's in there, radiating happiness, and you're out here, making plans to fucking run away with me."_

"_You're making this harder than it has to be."_

"_No. You're taking the easy way out. I'll see you tomorrow, Rusty. You'll be the one at the altar, I'll be the one walking down the aisle NOT wearing the white dress."_

"_Lenny, don't. I just spilled my fucking heart out to you."_

"_You made your fucking bed, lie in it."_

I looked over at Brayden. He was staring at me, shaking his head. "I don't know if I can wait until tomorrow for the next part."

"We have to."

"Yeah, but you know that tomorrow is going to be the wedding. Or the possibility of a wedding, or something."

"Well, I am going to guess that there isn't a wedding, seeing as how Rosie is now married to Andrew."

Brayden stood up and extended his arm out to me. I grabbed it and he pulled me up, but he overshot the force he used and I ended up slamming into his chest.

"Sorry," I mumbled, looking up at him and just how close we actually were.

"Don't be. It was my fault." I was about to step away but his hand grabbing my hip kept me from moving.

"I want to try something."

"W-what?" I asked, not sure if I heard him correctly.

"Trust me."

I took a deep breath and nodded. I counted down in my head as I saw his face inch towards mine slowly. What surprised me the most was that when his lips finally touched mine, a noise escaped from the confines of my throat. It was not an attractive noise. I pulled away and flushed, embarrassed. I had never done this before, except for a game of spin the bottle in 9th grade. Brayden smiled and placed his hand under my chin, tipping my head up and trying the kiss again. This time I welcomed it, and suppressed any noises threatening to escape from my throat. It was slow and testing, each of us adjusting to the advancement in our friendship. Brayden was the first to pull back. He chuckled and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "I've wanted to do that for a while now."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, burying my head in his chest. "Do you think this will change things?"

"Yes. It will. It will make things better. I promise." He smiled and planted a kiss to my forehead. "I really like you, Carolina."

"Woah, let's keep it PG in here, guys. PG." Pat said, walking through the living room to get to the kitchen. "You guys want to come with us to deliver these cupcakes?"

"Yeah, sure. Be there in a second," Brayden said, rubbing small circles into my hip with his thumb.

"I need to ask you a favor."

"What kind of a favor?" I asked, pulling away so that I could get a better look at him.

"Since Jordan and I, well, yeah. My mom wanted me to ask if you would fill in for her at my brothers wedding."

"Why me?" I asked, confused.

"I mean, it's a few days away, but we're running out of options. We can't just tell Will to lose a groomsman, because he would throw a fit. All of his fiancés friends are pregnant and won't fit in the dress. We may have to take a few inches off of it because you are shorter than Jordan was, but-"

"I mean, yeah. I guess I'll do it." I shrugged.

"Thank you," he squeezed my hip again and then grabbed my hand and led me out to where Pat and Annie were loading the catering van.

I was suddenly nervous and wondering why I agreed to be in a wedding for strangers. Brayden must have sensed it, because he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, planting a kiss to the top of my head. "It will be fine. I'll be there with you."

"Promise?"

"As long as you want to be, I'll be there with you, babe."


	11. So Alive

"I don't know how many more letters you have or how many more houses you have to visit," Brayden said, pulling me closer to his body and wrapping his arms securely around me, "but I don't think you should pay for a hotel you're not even staying in anymore."

I chuckled and nodded. We were lying in the bed in the tree house, where we had been talking for hours. After dropping the cupcakes off and watching Pat get beat up by his wife when he dropped a container of the sweet treats, we headed back here to have some alone time. Since we were officially… whatever we were… Brayden hadn't let go of me, and I couldn't say that I minded. It was new for me. I had never had time to let myself get emotionally attached to anything or anyone other than my family. I thought it would be more awkward for me, to be honest. No, I hadn't ever kissed a boy, but Brayden didn't seem to mind because I had lost count of the number of times he had kissed me in the past few hours. He had this way about him that put me at ease.

"I think mom would be okay letting you stay in here, if you wanted."

"Who even built this thing?" I asked, looking around. I mean it had power, for Christ's sake.

"It was a big group effort. Everyone from dad's band chipped in. I was three or four, so I went to and from the refrigerator on beer runs" he chuckled and shook his head. "Will was old enough to help with the hammering and the manly stuff and I was so jealous. We made a pact to never let a woman step foot in here. Except mom, you know, because she brought us snacks. We used to spend the most part of every day in here."

"So you're breaking the pact right now, having me in here?"

"Oh believe me, Will broke the pact so many times. For a long time mom took the bed out of here."

I cringed and looked at the sheets. Brayden just laughed. "Don't worry, they're clean. Eventually they put it back out here for whenever Gibbs got too drunk or stoned to drive home. It became sort of a legend, you know. Just think of how many rock stars have slept in this bed."

"God, it's hard to think of them as rock stars, you know? Just reading about how they were normal people in my mom's story and then meeting them now," I shook my head. "Incredible."

"Well, I mean. I wouldn't exactly call them rock stars. They weren't like, fucking Def Leppard or anything."

We went silent as the sounds of Ryan Adams filled the room. I was thankful that Brayden was in my life. This trip could have panned out a lot different if he wasn't.

"You really think your mom would let me stay here?"

"Definitely. I think we should go get your stuff from your hotel."

"Alright," I nodded, kissing his cheek. "Let's go. After you ask your mom, of course."

We climbed out of the bed and each put our shoes on. After climbing down the ladder, we started making our way to the house. Before we could even reach the door he grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him. He looked over every inch of my face, like he was trying to etch it into his brain. His hand grazed my cheek as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm really glad I met you, Carolina."

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders lightly. "I'm really lucky that you're in my life." Without a moment's hesitation, I stood on my tiptoes and lightly brushed my lips over his. I felt him smile into the kiss and wrap his arms around my waist, running his fingers lightly over the skin that had been exposed in the process. He deepened the kiss and slowly ran his tongue over my bottom lip, asking for entry.

"Ahem," someone interrupted us and I pulled away quickly, looking up at Brayden who was looking to see who it was that ended our kiss.

"Well, we all knew this was going to happen." I sighed as I recognized Garrett's voice.

"Sorry dad, we were just on our way in to ask mom something." I turned around and looked at Garrett, who had a smile on his face, which was not what I expected.

"Yeah, I see that."

Brayden grabbed my hand started to drag me into the house behind him. I nodded to Garrett as he stepped to the side to let us through.

To say I was mortified wouldn't even begin to cut it.

/\\/\\/\\

The next morning, we went to my hotel so that I could get my belongings and check out. After throwing all of my bags into the bed of his truck, we were on our way to the next house.

"Okay, so what should I know about these people?" I asked, perching my sunglasses on the bridge of my nose.

"Nothing really. They've been together forever. They're literally the perfect couple. He teaches guitar lessons at his studio downtown and she's like this really successful chef."

"Sounds kind of intimidating."

"They're great people. You'll be fine. Promise. I'll be there with you, just like always," he smirked, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together.

"You know, you just may be the most perfect boy I have ever met," I joked, squeezing his hand lightly.

"Boy?" he scoffed, shaking his head. "Baby, I'm a man."

I shook my head and tried to get used to the way his pet name made my heart beat quicken. It wasn't long before we pulled up to the house.

"Wait a minute," I said, hopping out of the car.

"Yeah, he and Austin are next door neighbors. Makes it easy when I do yard work."

"I see," I nodded. "Can I go see Gibbs later? Apologize for upchucking all over his deck?"

"If he's home, I don't see why not," Brayden shrugged, throwing his arm around my shoulder.

It didn't take long for someone to answer the door, and as always, he was confused as to why Brayden was there.

"Brayden?"

"Hey Jared," Brayden said with a wave.

"What are you… Hey Carolina," he said, finally catching my eye. "I'm Jared."

"It's really nice to meet you," I said, taking the hand he was offering. He had a scruffy beard and the most perfect shade of red hair.

"Come in, come in," he said, stepping to the side. I was in awe at the amount of framed posters lining the wall. Ryan Adams, Wilco, The Black Keys, and lastly The Maine.

"Wow, this is really awesome," I commented, pointing to the picture of a man with a bushy beard and an American flag painted on his lips.

"Ah one of their American tour posters," Brayden commented. It was the first piece of memorabilia I had seen as of yet.

"Oh shit, so he's Jared. As in Jared Monstercock Monaco?" I asked in what I thought was a whisper, but he heard me.

"Who told her about that?"

"Uh, the trailer," Brayden laughed with a shake of his head.

"So you were in Garrett's band?" I asked, looking at the rest of the posters.

"Yeah. I know Lena left instruction not to have any band memorabilia around, but I never listened to her anyway."

"Oh, me either." I shrugged with a laugh. "I'm sure she just meant no pictures or something."

"Hey," he said in a low voice. I turned around and looked at him. "We were all really sorry to hear about your mom. She was a big part of our lives. She was kind and loving and strong willed. It was really hard to hear the news, I guess is what I am trying to say."

I smiled at his kind words. Everyone else avoided the topic, but I felt like he was the kind of person who knew what to say in any type of situation. His words comforted me in a way I couldn't explain and as I reached up to give him a hug, I realized something. The socially awkward girl I was when I first came here was gone. I was now at ease with these people. They were slowly becoming people I wanted around me all of the time, almost like family. I didn't know a lot of them as well as I would like, but I felt that once I moved here, that would all change.

"Thank you," was all I could manage to choke out. I wasn't an emotional person really, but lately, I couldn't help it.

Jared patted my back as we pulled out of each other's grasp and cleared his throat. "Brayden, why are you here? Not that I mind, I mean, if you want to do yard work, I won't oppose."

"Nope, not today Red." Brayden said, grabbing onto my hand and tugging me towards the living room. "Where's Tessa?"

"In the kitchen. Where else would she be? She was making dinner for Carolina."

"And it should be ready in about thirty minutes!" she called from her current standing in the kitchen.

"Come meet her, she's perfect. I may be biased, though," he winked and wedged his way between Brayden and me, causing our hands to separate. He wrapped his arm around me and quickened his pace, leaving Brayden behind us.

"He's a little asshole, are you seriously with him?" Jared joked. I just shrugged and stifled a laugh.

"Nah. I'm actually holding out for Gibbs."

"Good luck. He's married."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Tessa, this is Carolina. Carolina, Tessa."

"It's so nice to finally meet you!" Tessa said, wiping her hands on a towel and stepping around the counter to embrace me in a hug.

"It's nice to meet you too! This smells great," I said, looking over at the food.

"Oh, it's nothing," she shrugged. "By the time you go read your letter, it should be finished. I have so much I want to talk to you about!"

"Okay, let's go to the living room," Jared said, leading the way. I smiled at Tessa and followed Jared out of the room. My letter was waiting on the coffee table and Brayden raced past me, hopping over the back of the sofa.

"God, you're a little asshole," Jared laughed and flipped him off. "So we'll be in the kitchen when you're done. You guys like margarita's?"

"Hell yes," Brayden answered.

"Good." Jared said with a clap. "I'll leave you to it."

I grabbed the envelope, and looked over at Brayden, who I decided was always excited for everything. I shook my head and opened it. "Why don't you read it today, I'm tired."

"It would be my pleasure, baby," he said, and my stomach fluttered. He reached for the envelope and kissed me softly in the process.

"Here we go," he said, opening the envelope and taking out the contents.

_My sweet Carolina,_

_Well. This is it._

_I woke up and slowly blinked the sleep out of my eyes, not welcoming the new day. I looked over to the clock on the nightstand and groaned when it read 7 am. I looked to my right and punched Austin, who was snoring next to me._

"_Wake up Gibbs, we have to get ready."_

"_Fuck off, Lena."_

"_Fuck you, asshole."_

"_Why are you okay? You're not hung over?"_

"_I'm hung over, alright," I sighed, shielding my eyes from the harsh sun. "But it's Rusty's wedding and we have to be at the church at 10."_

"_Let's just skip it. He hates us both anyway."_

"_We can't do that. Go shower."_

"_Fuck you."_

_I sat up and placed my back firmly against the wall and used all of the power I could muster to kick Austin out of the bed. "Go."_

_I watched his body fall out of the bed as he let out a loud cry of pain. "We're not friends anymore, darling. You can go fuck yourself."_

_I laughed and pulled the covers to my mouth, trying to stifle it before he heard me. It only took him a second to jump up from the ground and land on top of me._

"_Don't you dare," I looked up at him, knowing what was coming next._

"_Fuck. You," he growled, unleashing his hands to tickle my sides. "YOU go take a shower."_

_I was flailing and laughing so hard that I kicked him in the crotch. He instantly froze, falling down on his side and cradling his goods. "Damn it, Lena," he choked out._

"_I am so sorry, Gibbs," I said, trying not to laugh. Is there anything you need me to do?" His face was turning a shade of red that I had never seen before._

"_Kiss it, make it better," he said, his eyes tearing up slightly._

"_And on that note, I retract my apology and am leaving you to go shower. Hope it falls off."_

_/\\/\\_

"_I really hope you trip going down the aisle today," Gibbs said, holding open the door of the church for me._

"_I'm sorry, Gibbs! I didn't mean to hurt your manhood. Can you just drop it?" I asked, pausing on the threshold of the church, giving him puppy dog eyes. "I mean, I'm really, really sorry."_

"_I can't forgive you until you kiss it," he smirked, wiggling his eyebrows._

_I smiled and stood on my tiptoes, placing a soft kiss to his lips. "In your fucking dreams, Gibbs."_

"_One day, Lena. You will see that we are going to end up together."_

"_Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes and strolled into the church. Everybody else had already arrived, but the only one who watched the exchange between Austin and I was the one who probably shouldn't have. _

"_Well, I'm going to go find Halvo. I'll see you in a bit," he offered, kissing the top of my head and leaving me to fend for myself. Rusty started making his way towards me, and I shook my head, leaving the area to find anybody else to talk to. Unfortunately, I didn't find anyone. I assumed all of the bridesmaids were helping Rosie get ready. I think that is what they were supposed to do. I, however, didn't really feel up to it. I found Austin's jacket hanging off of a cross._

"_Really classy, Austin," I rolled my eyes and reached into his pocket. I let out a sigh of relief as my fingers grazed the carton of cigarettes._

"_Hey," I heard a voice call out behind me. I shut my eyes and let out the breath I was holding in._

"_I can't," I shook my head before I even turned around._

"_I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You left early last night and I-"_

"_I'm fine, Rusty," I interrupted, finally turning around. "Thanks for the concern."_

"_You look beautif-"_

"_Save it, Rusty. I'm in a fucking pink dress. There is nothing beautiful about that. I am hung over and I really need a cigarette, so if you will excuse me…"_

"_Lena," he tried. "Lena please."_

_I ignored him and avoided him. I sat outside for hours, basking in the beautiful day Arizona had granted me with. I lost track of everything until Austin came outside and told me it was time. I sighed and threw my cigarette into the bushes._

"_Are you ready to endure the hardest thing you have had to go through so far?"_

"_Sure," I shrugged, linking my arm through his. "Cake." He laughed and started to lead us through the doors._

"_Hey, Gibbs."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Thank you. Thank you for being here for me th-through everything. I don't know where I would be if it w-weren't for you. You've been my rock for the past few months and I really appreciate that. I really appreciate you."_

_He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. "I love you, Len. You're a major part of my life, darling. You'll get through this. You're stronger than you think. We'll get shitfaced tonight. I think we both deserve it."_

"_You only think you deserve it because I kneed you in the family jewels, buddy."_

"_Come on, let's go," he chuckled, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his face, brushing his lips over my knuckles gently._

_Lining up in the hallway to go down the aisle filled my heart with a kind of dread that I had never felt before. This was it. This was really happening. Every time a couple walked down the aisle, my heart sunk down further in my chest. Every time a couple walked down the aisle, Austin held onto me a little tighter. When it was finally our turn, I couldn't make my feet move. I stared at Rusty, who looked like a complete stranger. The smile that should have graced his face wasn't there. Instead, a panicked face stared back at me._

"_Come on, Lena," Austin whispered into my ear, kissing my temple. "One foot in front of the other." _

_I nodded and took a deep breath, slowly lifting my right foot and taking a small step. I wished Austin could carry me down that aisle like he had last night. My legs didn't feel like my own. They felt too weak to carry my body down the aisle, which looked to be a mile long at this point. Somehow though, I pushed through. I don't remember actually walking down the aisle, I just remember standing at the front of the church, waiting for Rosie to make her grand entrance. Not once did I look at Rusty, because I felt as though my emotions were already on the verge of erupting. Every single one of my emotions._

_I couldn't watch as the wedding march started and the entire church stood from their pews to turn and look at Rosie as she started to make her way down the church. I hadn't seen her dress, or known what hairstyle she had picked out. I didn't care. It may sound bad, but I didn't care at all. I looked over at Austin, but his attention was on Rosie. I really needed him to look at me and give me that face. That face that he had that told me everything was going to be alright, that I would make it through this, but that isn't what I got. I felt like I was going to be sick, but even that seemed to draining. I was a lifeless, shell of a person and that is not what I was supposed to be right now. I was supposed to be strong. I was supposed to at least be able to act like I was okay._

"_You're okay, you're okay, you're okay," I repeated to myself over and over again inside of my head. If I said it enough, I would believe it. The music ended and I finally allowed myself to look at the altar. _

"_We are gathered here today join in matrimony," the priest started, but I blocked him out. I focused on the way Austin's eyes cut to me every few seconds. I focused on the way his hands were fidgeting._

_Rusty's voice finally pulled me out of whatever avoidance I was attempting._

"_I Rusty, take thee, Rosie, to my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold from this day on, now and.." he stalled, his eyes flickering over to me and then away so fast that I almost thought I made it up._

"_Shit," I heard him mumble under his breath._

"_Rusty?" Rosie whispered, squeezing his hands. He took a breath and then looked up at her. _

_He cleared his throat and shook his head. "To have and to h-hold from this day on-" he stopped to take a deep breath and then shook his head. "This isn't fair to you," he whispered, letting go of one of her hands and placing it on her cheek. "I'm so sorry."_

"_What are you talking about?" she pleaded, placing her hand over his. "Rusty, what is going on…"_

"_Rosie, I love you," he started and then paused shaking his head. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."_

_Rosie's arms went limp as she stared at Rusty. The guests started whispering to each other. "And you're waiting to tell me this now?" _

"_You deserve to be happy. You deserve so much, Rosie. You deserve the perfect life, and you won't have any of that with me. I can't give you my whole heart. I can't give it to you because it belongs to someone else. I'm sorry, Rosie. I'm so sorry,"_

"_I really don't understand why you couldn't have told me this last night," she said, trying to fight back the tears that I knew she was so desperately trying to hold in. Austin looked at me and I tried to ignore him. As far as I was concerned I was dreaming all of this up._

_Some of the guests started getting outraged while others were still whispering among themselves._

"_I'm sorry you guys came out today," Rusty said, addressing the whole church. "I am sorry to everyone I have hurt in the process, but somewhere along this crazy journey of life, I fell in love with someone else. There will be no wedding today."_

_Rosie slammed her bouquet into Rusty and then ran down the aisle, her parents and some of the bridesmaids chasing after her._

_Rusty shook his head and ran his hands over his face. It wasn't until he finally looked at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me behind him down the aisle that I realized that everything I thought I had been dreaming was really happening._

"_Rusty, what are you doing?"_

"_We're running away, Lenny. We're running away and never looking back. We're supposed to be together."_

"_Rusty, you just broke her heart, are you even thinking straight?"_

"_No," he stopped in the middle of the parking lot and shook his head. "No, I'm not. Love makes you do stupid shit, Lenny. You make me do stupid shit. I don't what my life would be like without you in it. I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't get to see you everyday, kiss you everyday. I don't want to know. I want to know what it's like to make love to you," he continued and I couldn't help but blush. "I want to know what our children will end up looking like. Don't you get it? I want you, I want all of you."_

_I couldn't reply, there were tears clouding my vision and my heart was beating out of my chest. I pressed my lips against his in a slow kiss, pulling myself as close to his body as I possibly could. I didn't want to let go; I wanted to hold onto him for as long as I could. I wanted to make sure that this was all real, that he chose me; that we were finally going to get our chance. I deepened the kiss, smiling into it when he lifted me up off of the ground._

_We pulled away and I looked into his eyes._

"_Well, where are we going?"_

"_Far, far away," he replied, reattaching our lips as he carried me the rest of the way to his car. _

/\\/\\/\\

"God, when Mama Santino said their story was intense, she wasn't kidding."

"No, she wasn't kidding," Brayden laughed, folding the papers and stuffing them back into the envelope. He handed it to me so that I could put them back in my backpack.

"I think he could have done it a little classier, you know? Maybe he could have pulled Rosie aside before the wedding and told her. Not in front of her family and friends."

"He probably wanted to go through with it so that he couldn't hurt her," he shrugged. "I bet he saw your mom and how she was taking it and changed couldn't go through with it."

"You kids done?" Jared asked, poking his head into the room. "Dinner's ready. I'm starving."

"Let's go," Brayden said, planting a kiss to my temple.

Tessa made the most food I had ever seen on a table. It wasn't even Thanksgiving. "I'm sorry," she laughed, watching me take in all of the food. "I kind of got carried away."

"Yeah, but I promise you, it will be the best food you ever put in your mouth." Jared said, grabbing Tessa's hand on top of the table.

Brayden agreed and placed his hand lightly on my thigh.

"Dig in," Jared said, passing out plates to everyone.

After dinner and a very painful game of charades, Brayden and I were on our way out of the door. I looked over to Austin's house and sighed when I saw the lights were all off.

"I'll bring you back here soon. I promise," Brayden said, pulling me closer to his body.

"Well, I'll see him at the wedding, right?" I asked. He nodded and kissed the top of my head.

"We'll see him at the wedding," he agreed.

"Can you take me to ASU tomorrow so that I can see the campus?" I asked, grabbing onto his hand.

"I'll take you wherever you want to go, baby."

I was slowly starting to get used to the butterflies that were permanently settling in my stomach. Somehow, I figured I would feel them for a long time.


	12. Home

"What did you think?" Brayden asked me, walking hand in had back to his truck. "Is it as fancy as the University of Washington?"

"Nah," I shrugged. "They're about the same."

"Oh," he looked disappointed.

"This one does have a few more pros than U of W, though." I watched as his lips twisted upward in a slight smirk.

"Such as?"

"Well, the mascot is a sun devil. How cool is that?" He chuckled and shook his head, tugging back on my hand so my body pressed perfectly into his.

"Admit that I am a on the pro's list," he demanded softly, planting a kiss to my forehead.

"No., because you're just one boy." I teased, pulling back slightly and looking up at him. "In Washington I have tons of boys and if you ask me, tons of boys is better than just one."

"But do they take you to Chipotle for lunch after taking you on a tour of a college that they are also going to? Hm? Do they drive your cute ass around in 100 degree weather to visit lots of houses so that you can read these really awesome letters from your mom?"

"Yeah. They do. But they don't read them for me when I ask them to."

"See. I'm obviously better," he said, rubbing his thumb over my cheek and kissing my lips softly.

"They kiss better though," I shrugged, earning a glare from Brayden.

"Shit," he sighed. "I just can't win."

"Eh," I shrugged, wrapping my arms around his neck and standing up on my tiptoes to reach his eye level a little better. "You win all of the awards, kid. All of them."

"Thank god," he grinned, leaning in to kiss me again, pushing me backwards towards his truck, not breaking the kiss at all.

/\\/\\

"So," he grabbed the card out of my grasp and looked down at the address. He handed it back to me and started the truck. "You ready to try on that bridesmaids dress?"

"Oh yeah," I sighed, staring out of the window. "Excited."

"It'll be fine, I promise," he chuckled, grabbing my hand and bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "It's not like you have to walk down the aisle with some stranger. I will be with you."

"I know," I forced a smile and looked over at him. "It'll be really cool to see everyone again."

"Yeah, and you get to meet my brothers fiancé. She's cool. A little on the crazy side, but cool."

"Yeah?" I asked, biting my lip. I had no idea why I was so nervous; I knew Brayden wouldn't let anything happen. Nothing will be as socially awkward as I am making it out to be in my head. His brother was nice enough, a little on the childish side, but there was nothing wrong with that. She either had to be a strong woman to deal with him or a child herself.

"Yeah. She's great."

I just nodded and watched houses pass by outside of my window. It wasn't long before we were pulling into a driveway. The house was significantly smaller than the other ones we had visited. It was cute and had it's own charm. There was a moving van out front and boxes strewn across the lawn.

"If these people are moving in, how did my mom know the address?"

"She didn't. The card had their old address on it. You're lucky you have me, otherwise you would be very lost today."

"My hero," I joked with a roll of my eyes. The front door was open and Brayden walked in like it was his own house. "Hello," he called out, walking over to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer.

"Want one?" he asked with a smirk.

"You're hilarious," I deadpanned, waiting for whoevers house it was to arrive.

"We're coming," a voice called out to us from another part of the house.

"Well, I'm sure we interrupted something," Brayden chuckled with a shake of his head.

"Hey," Will said, jogging through the doorframe. "Sorry little brother. Carolina, nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you again," I replied with a polite smile. "You're house is very cute."

"Cute?" Will scoffed. "Ugh."

"Oh shut up. It is cute," his fiancé said, rounding the corner. I immediately knew who she was. I had seen a picture of her earlier in one of the houses. "Carolina!" she practically screamed, running over to me and enveloping me in a hug. "It's so great to finally meet you."

"It's Olivia, right?" I asked.

"How did you know?" Brayden asked, giving me a confused look.

"Her parents were one of my first stops." I answered and then looked over to her. "There was a picture of you on the fireplace. Peyton talked about you."

"Ah, well. I hope they weren't too gag inducing. They're pretty gross."

"You're telling me," Will piped in, wrapping his arms around Olivia.

"I also wanted to thank you for filling in for the wedding. It really means a lot to me that you would do that for a complete stranger."

"It's really not a problem," I said with a shrug and a smile.

"Well, it means a lot. I don't have many girlfriends."

"Neither do I," I chuckled.

"Will's been my best friend since I was three," she informed me, leaning back into his embrace.

"Yeah. I've been chasing her since I was in diapers and she didn't give me the time of day until college."

"I just thought kissing you would be disgusting. You were like family."

"Just because our dad's were in the same band, that didn't mean we were by any means related."

"Guys," Brayden interrupted. "Where's the letter?"

"Oh, I don't know," Will shrugged.

"We've been looking for it all morning. It's in a box somewhere. We're trying to unpack everything today. It sure would go faster with four people," Olivia smiled, looking hopeful.

"You guys are unbelievable," Brayden shook his head and laughed.

"Where should we start?" I asked, pulling my hair back with an elastic I had wrapped around my wrist.

"I like you," Olivia informed me, pulling out of Will's embrace and wrapping her arm around me, leading me through the kitchen. "Why in the hell are you wasting your time with that little asshole."

"If another person asks me that…" I laughed and shook my head.

"Nah, he's a good guy," she shrugged, picking up a box and throwing it down on the table. "Just don't hurt him. He's been through enough," she continued, grabbing the box cutter from her pack pocket.

"I'll try not to."

/\\/\\

After hours of unpacking two people's lives, we found the letter tucked inside of a random box.

"Thank god," Brayden said, flopping onto the couch. "If I had to paint one more wall I think my arms would fall off."

"Wimp," I teased and fell onto the couch next to him. "I've been doing heavy lifting."

"Too tired to read?"

"Nah, I got it today."

I opened the envelope and was thrilled to see the longest installment yet.

My Sweet Carolina,

Before you read this, understand that your father and I were young and in love and that makes people do crazy things. Don't judge everything just yet. Just know that I did love your father with everything I had.

After stopping by both of our houses and grabbing some clothes and some cash, we left. We didn't know where we were going or what we were going to do, but we had each other, and that was all we really needed. Rusty said that if we needed anything else, we could just buy it.

The drive was quiet, both of us thinking about what had just happened. Our lives had both substantially changed. Nothing would be the same for either of us.

"You seem worried," he interrupted my thoughts, reaching across the center console to intertwine our hands.

"Not really worried, just trying to take it all in."

"I know, it's a lot to take in, but it's going to be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Do you love me?" he asked, grasping my hand a little tighter.

"Of course I love you, Rusty. That has nothing to do with-"

"You love me," he cut me off, "I love you, that's all that matters. Everything will fall into place. Trust me."

"All you need is love," I sighed and eased back into the seat.

"Something like that," he chuckled and ran his fingers over my knuckles. "Get some sleep. I'll wake you up when we stop."

"Okay," I closed my eyes and smiled. "I love you, Rusty."

"God, I could hear you say that everyday for the rest of my life."

/\\/\\/\\

Before I knew it, Rusty was unbuckling my seatbelt and lifting me out of the car.

"Where are we?" I asked tiredly, my voice sounding harsh from the sleep.

"Somewhere in California," he whispered into my ear. "I stopped reading road signs a while back."

He set me on the ground and grabbed my hand, leading me to the lobby of the hotel. After checking in and getting our room key, we went back to the car and grabbed our bags. His hand never left mine as we made our way to the room.

"I think I'm going to shower," he said after he dropped his bag on the floor and pulled me to his chest, delivering a kiss to my temple. "Wash the day away."

I nodded and fell back on the bed, pulling my phone charger out of my bag and hooking my phone to it. It took a few minutes for the battery to charge enough to bring the dead phone back to life. I counted the beeps as my phone alerted me of the calls I had missed and the text messages I had received.

36 beeps.

I ignored all of them and watched as my fingers danced over the numbers they knew so well. I held my phone up to my ear after I pushed "send" and waited until I heard the only voice that would help me make sense of everything.

"Jesus Christ, Lena," he sounded frantic. "Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

I could picture him pacing the floor, pulling his fingers through his already disheveled hair.

"Everything is fine, Austin. Everything is just fine," I sighed into the receiver, waiting for Austin to say something. He didn't. "How is everything there?"

"What do you think?" he asked. I sighed and shut my eyes. "Rosie's a mess, we can't find half of the wedding party, I've been worried sick about you…"

"I'm so sorry, Austin."

"Where are you?"

"Somewhere in California. I don't quite know."

"You don't quite know?"

"I fell asleep in the car," I shrugged, like he could see me.

"How romantic," I could practically hear his eyes rolling.

"You were all about me getting my man this morning, Austin. What is wrong with you?"

"You didn't have to watch Rosie load herself in her parents car. She can't go back to her house, THEIR house."

"Why are you telling me this, Austin…It's not like I am thrilled with how things panned out."

"I just," he paused and I could hear the flick of the lighter as he lit a cigarette. "I'm happy for you Lena. You got what you've been wanting for months now. I wish it had happened under better circumstance. Just don't mess it up or all of this will be for nothing."

I was silent as I watched Rusty emerge from the bathroom, toweling his wet hair dry.

"I love you, Austin. I'm turning my phone off. "

"Wait, Lena. Don't have up. You have to call me every few days and let me know where you are, otherwise I am going to be a mess."

"I will. Goodbye," and with that I powered down my phone and threw it across the room.

"Everything okay?" Rusty asked cautiously, hanging the towel on the back of a chair. I sat up on my knees and scooted to the edge of the bed, watching as he made his way over to me. I nodded and threaded my fingers through his wet hair, loving the feeling of it all… how his hair felt against my skin, how it was the perfect length and made his features stand out more, how his bright eyes looking right into my dull ones made my heartbeat quicken.

"Everything is okay," I sighed, resting my hands on the back of his neck. "Just tell me that we did the right thing."

"Lenny," he started, sliding his hands around my waist and resting his forehead against mine. "We did the right thing," he sighed and ran his fingers through my hair, pushing it away from my face. "I should have faced everything sooner. I should have told you every day since I realized it that I was in love with you. I shouldn't have tried to force myself into a life that I didn't want because I thought it was what was expected of me. I started dating Rosie, and yes, I loved her, but real love isn't being with someone and thinking of someone else every single day. I should have gotten up the courage that night in the bar and invited you to the party. I should have put forth the effort; we should have fallen in love the conventional way. We should have had an awkward first date. We should have moved in together, we should have done everything the right way. It should have been you yesterday walking down that aisle. I did everything wrong."

"Everything about this is so unconventional Rusty, it's hard to believe that any of this is real." I sighed, pulling away slightly.

"But it is, this is real. Look at me," he demanded softly, placing his hand gently under my chin. "This is it. This is the real thing. We can either run away or we can embrace it. I don't want to run away from this, Lenny."

"But we are running away from so much, Rusty. We ran away from Arizona like we've done something wrong. Jesus, we have done something wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I was the one who made a mess of everything. But we're not talking about that right now. We are talking about this, right here," he motioned between us with his hand. "I don't want to run away from this. I want you to be the person I run to. I want to miss you so much when I am on tour that I can't think straight. I want to have inappropriate Skype dates with you. I want it all. I want it all with you."

"You don't know what you want. This is like a new toy at Christmas,"

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"This, this is new. It's like a new toy. It's really fun at first but that fades away in time like all of the other toys. It gets pushed to the back of the closet and you start to resent it because it took your attention away from your other toys and Jesus, this is getting ridiculous. I'm tired." I groaned, getting frustrated. "The point is that you are going to end up resenting me because I am going to end up being a letdown."

"Lena, you could never be a letdown," he said, shaking his head. "Why are you fighting this?"

"I don't want this to all be for nothing. What's done is done." I sighed and leaned back, studying his face. "Everything happens for a reason, right?"

"Right," he agreed. "It's not for nothing. I promise you." His grip around my waist tightened as he pulled me closer to his body. "I'll remind you every single day of why this was the best thing that could happen to either of us, starting now," he said, attaching his lips to mine. "Trust me, Lenny, just trust me."

"I do," I shrugged, pulling him into the bed and snuggling into him under the covers. "But right now we need to sleep." He nodded in agreement.

"I love you," he murmered into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. "Don't question that."

I didn't reply. I just wrapped myself in his arms, counted my blessings and went to sleep.

/\\/\\/\\

When I woke up the next morning, Rusty was still sleeping. I took this opportunity to sneak out of bed and wash the events of yesterday off of my skin. It was a new day and a new start. I wasn't going to let my fears or insecurities get the best of me. We were miles away from Arizona and I finally felt that things were going to be okay.

After brushing my teeth and redressing, I exited the bathroom to find that Rusty was still sleeping. I rolled my eyes and climbed back into bed. I cuddled in close to him again, hoping I didn't wake him up. I used the fact that he was still sleeping as a shield to study him. I watched his chest rise and fall with his breaths. He hadn't moved all night, he was still in the position he fell asleep in, which I found odd.

"It's really creepy when you stare," he said with a laugh, pulling me closer to him.

"It's really creepy when you sleep for 11 hours." He just shrugged and planted a kiss to my forehead.

"Be right back," he informed me, pushing off of the bed and heading towards the bathroom. I sat up and looked to my phone, still lying on the ground. I was itching to have it in my hands, but I knew what also came with that was something I didn't want to deal with right now. I am sure I had more than 36 beeps now. I was scared to know the number.

I started to reach for it, but Rusty came bolting out of the bathroom. I looked over to see him airborne and smiled, because hopefully moments like this one would be a recurring theme for the rest of my life. He landed on the bed right next to me and grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"Good morning," he whispered now, the minty freshness of his breath hit my skin and made me shiver. "Are you cold?" he asked, looking concerned.

"No," I sighed, smiling at him. "I'm perfect right now."

"Yes, you are," he chuckled, closing the gap between us, his lips finding mine and his arms tightening around me, pulling me on top of him. Our legs were a tangled mess, I was sure my wet hair was soaking his shirt, but none of that seamed to matter. The kisses got heated and …

I know you are my daughter and it would probably be child abuse to give you any more details.

So I won't.

/\\/\\/\\

We had done nothing but talk… and not talk… until the day was lost and the nighttime sank in.

"Where are we going now?" I asked, my head resting on his bare chest, his hands running through my hair.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," I said, looking up at him. "I don't really care, as long as I'm with you." I laughed and shook my head. "God that sounded so cheesy."

"We are cheesy," he chuckled, rubbing his hand up and down my arm in a soothing motion. "Want to keep traveling north?"

"Why? Nothing's up there. Just home."

"You don't miss home?"

"Mmmm…" I smirked, kissing him softly. "I am home."

"We're in California, you're not home."

"No, I mean you're my home," I said, kissing down his neck softly. "Wherever you are is where I want to be."

That was the end of that conversation. I didn't miss home. I never wanted to go back there. I knew my mom would hate Rusty and she wouldn't approve of the life I made for myself in Arizona. She definitely wouldn't approve of what I was doing now. He was my family now.

Still, I could hear her voice nagging me in the back of my mind. "He just broke it off with his fiancé yesterday, and you're already jumping into bed with him." Sometimes I wish I could punch her in her smug little face. I know she's your grandmother, but you know how she is.

"You, know," I said, suddenly changing my mind. "Seattle is pretty this time of the year."

"I've been there more times than I can count, but I bet going there with you will be more fun."

"You can meet my mom," I said, running my thumb over his cheek softly.

"Is she going to like me?" he asked, biting his bottom lip out of nervousness.

"I hope so," I shrugged. "If she doesn't, well, that will only make me love you more."

"Why is that?" he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

"Well, my mom and I don't actually get along. But I haven't talked to her in almost a year. I owe her a visit. You're basically my life now, so I would like for her to meet you. If you guys don't hit it off, well…." I shrugged, laying my head back down on his chest. "Oh well. It doesn't matter to me what she thinks."

"It matters to me."

"It shouldn't."

"My parents loved you when they met you at the wedding."

"Loved being past tense, Rusty. I am sure I am not their favorite person right now. I'm sure I'm not anyone's."

"You're mine."

"You have to say that because you love me," I smiled, closing my eyes. He just kissed my forehead and pulled me tighter to his chest.

"So Seattle?"

"Seattle."

"Is your grandma scary?" Brayden asked me, handing me my backpack so that I could stow the letters away with the others.

"She can be." I nodded. "Whatever happens to Rusty, I feel for him. Nothing good will come of this. My grandmother only ever had negative things to say about my dad."

"Poor Rusty."

"Okay, let's go find Liv. I'm sure she's dying to get you into that dress."

"Ugh," I groaned. "I don't wanna."

"That's too damn bad," he laughed, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. I dropped my bag and started pounding on his back.

"Let me go,"

"No. OLIVIA," he shouted, taking giant steps around the tiny house to find her faster. When we reached the bedroom, Olivia was waiting there with a green dress and some pins.

"Let's go, darling," she said, shooing Brayden out of the room.

/\\/\\/\\

"Are you sure they are going to be able to alter this dress before tomorrow?" I asked, looking in the mirror at my reflection as Olivia sat on the ground and pinned the dress at the length it needed to be.

"Oh yeah. Peyton's doing it. She's really fast."

"I don't mean to pry, and if I am, just ignore me, but Peyton, she's not your mom, right?"

"How'd you know?" she asked, eyeing me as she continued to pin the dress.

"When I met her, she said you were Kennedy's daughter."

"Yeah, she's not technically my mom, but she might as well be. My mom kept me a secret from my dad for three years. They kind of ran into us one day at the hospital and it all just sort of blew up from there. It was one drama after another until finally my dad got full custody of me. Ever since then my life has been relatively normal. As normal as it could be with two musicians for parents, but I wouldn't change a thing."

"Peyton is a musician?"

"Well, she was for a while. Things sort of died down after she had the twins, but yeah, she was. She has an incredible voice. I wish she was my real mom, because then maybe I would have had a shot at a decent singing voice. "

"So growing up around all of these musicians, can you play any instruments?"

She smiled and nodded her head. "Jared and Garrett both taught me a thing or two. Pat said I was too spazzy to play the drums, which I suppose is true. But they were amazing people to grow up around. I was very blessed to have the life I did. There," she said, standing up and taking a step back to admire her work. "Perfect."

"With the wedding tomorrow, aren't you guys doing a rehearsal dinner and all of that?"

"No," she shrugged. "We're not doing that traditional wedding hoopla. We're getting married sort of like my parents did. Outdoors, no chairs, short, simple ceremony, nothing too fancy, you know? I'm wearing her dress. Well, her first dress, not her second."

"More than one dress?"

"It's a long story," she shrugged, "but it's all I've ever really wanted."

"I'm glad I get to be a part of it."

"So am I," she smiled. "Hey, maybe one day we will be in-laws. How cool would that be?"

I just laughed and shook my head. "I haven't even been dating Brayden a week and everybody is already planning our wedding."

"I see the way he looks at you," she grinned, helping me pull the dress off over my head to avoid being stuck by pins. "And those Nickelsen boys sure are a catch."

"Of course we are," Brayden said from the other side of the door.

"Go away, you little shit," Olivia shouted and rolled her eyes.

"Are you guys ready to go? It's Friday. Family dinner night."

"Oh, your first Nickelsen family dinner," Olivia chuckled and roped her arm around me. "You're in for a treat."

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was a part of something. When my mom died I had lost that. I had lost the only real family I had. Now, slowly but surely, I was gaining that and so much more. I think this is what my mom was trying to accomplish when she sent me on this journey. I finally had people who would be there for me no matter what. I think this was my mom's way of telling me that I was going to be okay. My life without her would still have meaning because she left me with pieces of her past. These people were the pieces of her past, and I could tell that they were going to mean as much to me as they did to her.

I had a family in Arizona.

Arizona was my home.


	13. Stop

I heard him enter the tree house; I just refused to believe it was time to wake up already. I felt as though my head had just touched the pillow and I got exactly zero hours of sleep.

"Get up," he whispered in my ear, climbing into the tiny bed and laying down next to me.

"No," I protested with a groan, rolling over to face away from him.

"Come on, Carolina. I already let you sleep in longer than I should have."

"And whose fault is that?" I asked with a sigh, pulling the comforter over my head.

"I was being nice," he scoffed, pulling the comforter away from my face and out of my grasp.

"You ARE a little shit," I whined, "I should have listened to everyone."

"Oh, come on, you don't really mean that," he chuckled, nuzzling into my neck. I smiled and scooted backwards, closer to him.

"I really do, unless you have coffee."

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't bring coffee?"

I rolled back over and looked at him, allowing my lips to slowly tug into a smile. "Well, that all depends on what kind of coffee you brought me?"

"Pumpkin-"

"Pumpkin spice!" I interrupted, shooting up and kicking the remaining covers off of my legs. "How did you get them to make this? It's June!"

"I have insane powers of persuasion," he informed me, running his fingers through the knots in my hair.

"No kidding," I said, reaching over him for the cup setting on the stool next to the bed. Brayden grabbed my hand and refocused my attention on him.

"Where is my good morning kiss?"

"It's waiting until after I brush my teeth." I informed him, pulling my arm gently out of his grasp to grab the cup of coffee and take a sip. "Wait a minute, they don't even carry this syrup until the fall."

Brayden smiled and pulled me closer to his body, kissing the top of my head.

"My friend is the manager at the Starbucks around the corner. I called in a favor. He said he would keep at least one case of pumpkin spice syrup in stock for you."

"My god, you're the best boyfriend in the world."

"Don't you ever forget that."

/\\/\\/\\

After pulling me forcefully out of bed, we were on our way to the Brock's house.

"What about the letter?"

"Hm?" Brayden sounded, fiddling with the stereo.

"Am I going to get my letter today?"

"Oh yeah," he nodded, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel along with the Rolling Stones. I didn't' have enough heart to tell him that I was not a fan. "The wedding shouldn't last that long. I already talked to them and they said we could come to their house tonight."

"Okay," I voiced, looking out of the window until the Brock's house came into view.

"Well, I guess this is where we split up" he said, putting the truck into park. I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over the center console to give him a kiss. "Meet you at the aisle?"

"Meet you there," he agreed.

/\\/\\/\\

I had never actually been in a wedding before. I had never had to sit for hours while people worked on my hair and my make-up. Olivia kept cracking jokes to make me more comfortable, but I didn't know any of these people, I was the outsider and it was awkward for me. I didn't know any of their inside jokes or any of the looks they shot each other. They had grown up together and I was just the outcast who was filling in. The second the lady was finished making me up, I bolted. I vaguely heard Olivia call after me about changing into my dress, but I had time. I would change later. I had to go make sense of a few things.

The aisle was a blanket of rose petals all, dark red in color. As Olivia had said the previous day, there were no chairs, her guests were meant to stand.

What I wasn't anticipating to find was for Brayden to be standing at the head of the aisle with his hands in his pockets, looking deep in thought.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, loving the feeling of the rose petals crushing against my bare feet.

He jumped and then turned around to face me, placing his hand over his racing heart. "Shit, Carolina, you can't sneak up on people like that."

"Sorry," I chuckled, joining him at the end of the aisle, slipping my hand into his.

"I don't know, I'm just picturing Rosie and Rusty's wedding."

"Ah," I nodded, looking around. "Rusty was there," I started, pointing to where he was standing. "My mom was over here," I finished, letting go of his hand and moving a few feet to the left.

"I could never do it the way he did," Brayden informed me, shaking his head. "To wait until the actual ceremony to break the news to Rosie."

"Like you said, maybe he thought he wanted to go through with it going into the ceremony. Then he saw my mom, standing over here on the verge of tears."

"I doubt she was on the verge of tears," Brayden laughed, shaking his head.

"Well, probably not, but he saw her , and something he saw made him change his mind."

"I CAN'T DO THIS! IT ISN'T FAIR TO YOU, ROSIE," Brayden started acting out the wedding. "I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE!"

"I'm sure he sounded exactly like that," I rolled my eyes, watching him walk towards me. He picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder. "LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER!"

"MY GOD, HE WASN'T TARZAN!" I laughed, lying limply over his shoulder. "If I recall correctly, they ran down the aisle, he didn't carry her."

"Yeah, well, this is the remake, baby. They are never as good as the originals."

"Ah, not that this isn't entertaining, but you guys really suck at recreating things," I heard a male voice that I instantly recognized followed by the usual cloud of smoke that surrounded him. "If I remember correctly, none of what you guys just did actually happened."

"Oh, shut up, Gibbs," Brayden said, lowering me to the ground.

"You look pretty dapper, Mr. Gibbs."

"You don't look so bad yourself," he said, sending a wink my way. "Except the part where your head looks all fancy and the rest of you looks kind of homeless."

"I had to wear loose clothes so that I could… oh shut up."

"Don't you guys think you should finish getting ready? Wedding starts soon."

"Nobody's even here yet."

"They are. They're just pre-gaming out back."

"Olivia is going to love that all of her guests are gong to be drunk," Brayden smiled at Gibbs who took a drag of his cigarette and nodded, a slight smile playing at his lips.

"Oh, she will."

/\\/\\/\\

After changing into my dress and watching Olivia finish getting ready, it was time to start the short trek to the aisle. Olivia's dress was beautiful. Since it was Peyton's, I figured it would look outdated and old, but it was a classic lace dress that had a sort of elegance to it that made it timeless.

I met Brayden somewhere along the way. He looked very handsome in his suit, holding his arm out for me to grab onto.

"Green is definitely your color," he winked and planted a kiss to the top of my head.

"These heels are going to be the death of me." I said, testing my step and almost falling over.

"Just take them off," Olivia said from behind me with a smile. "I'm going barefoot. Who cares? It's my wedding."

"Then why did you make her wear them in the first place?" Kennedy asked, wrapping his arm around Olivia's shoulder, pulling her closer to his side.

"I was doing Brayden a favor. Those heels make her legs and ass look amazing," Olivia said, winking at me when I looked back at her and scoffed.

"And I just looked… now I am going to jail," Kennedy said, shaking the image out of his head.

"Wait a minute," I said, tugging on Brayden's arm to get his attention. "Everyone can see us coming, I mean it's in a yard. It'll ruin the surprise for Will, won't it?"

"Oh, that," Brayden smiled and shook his head. "Will's blindfolded."

"Really?" I asked, squinting my eyes to try to see Will better. We had just turned the corner of the house and everything was in view. There were more guests than I thought would be there. I could hear the idle chatter come to a stop when the guests saw us emerge.

"Hey, Brayden-"

"Hm?"

"Is my dad here?"

"I think Kennedy said he couldn't make it. Plus, that would have ruined everything, I suppose."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I guess you're right."

We were lined up, waiting for our turn to walk the aisle. Brayden and I were a few couple's back, and I was getting antsy. I was ready for this wedding to be over so that I could go to the next house and get my next letter. I looked back at Olivia who was sharing a moment with Kennedy. I don't think I'd ever seen love reflect off of someone's eye the way it did Kennedy's. Olivia meant the world to him. I know parents aren't supposed to have a favorite child, and I never had a doubt in my mind that Kennedy didn't love Piper and Lucas with everything he had, but Olivia was his first born. She would always be his baby, the one he got to watch grow up first. The one he got to teach how to ride a bike first, or drive a car. Today, she was getting married, but I don't think Kennedy was worried. He didn't look like he was. I was sure he knew what we all knew. Olivia and Will were perfect for each other. He had nothing to worry about.

"Are you ready?" Brayden asked, tightening his grip on my arm, dragging my attention back to him.

"Ready when you are," I replied with a nod.

Once we had made our way down the aisle and separated to stand on our respective sides, the crowd got really quiet. There was no music for her to walk down the aisle to; she didn't need it. Will was still blindfolded up to this point and I watched him inhale a sharp breath and hold it in while Brayden stepped behind him to untie the blindfold.

His lips tugged at both corners until his smile overtook his face when he saw Olivia. That was love. I was seeing it first hand. It was all I had seen this trip, but it kept hitting me right in the chest. I had gone my whole life without seeing it. The only love I had known was the love my mother had for me. She never went out with guys or dated. She stayed home and took care of me, and when I was old enough to take care of myself, I had to start taking care of her. I don't know if it was because she never got over my dad or if she simply swore off men.

I think it was because she never got over Rusty. A love like theirs doesn't just die.

I looked over at Brayden who shot me a wink that I returned along with a smile. That was when I realized that not only was I witnessing love all throughout this trip; I was also experiencing it. I was falling in love when I hadn't even meant to.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

As soon as the sun started setting, a sheer tent was thrown up. I loved it because you could see the stars through it. Hours had passed and my feet hadn't left the makeshift dance floor and my hands never left Brayden's. I watched this group of people that I had fallen in love with celebrate one of the most important days of Olivia and Will's lives. Everyone that I had visited thus far had made an appearance as well as some that I hadn't met yet.

"Mind if I cut in?" that deep scratchy voice interrupted my current thoughts and attracted my attention.

"I don't know, Gibbs. Promise you'll keep your hands placed in the appropriate zones."

"Does it look like I want to go to jail today?"

"I'm 18, Gibbs. I'm legal!"

Brayden glared at me and I rolled my eyes, shooing him away. The song turned slow and Gibbs placed one of his hands directly on my waist, while the other held onto his beer bottle.

"How are you tonight, darlin'?"

"Pretty great. How are you, Gibbs?"

"Oh, you know. I'm here," he chuckled. "I'm always here. You have to meet my wife later," he informed me, taking a long swig of his beer.

"I finally get to meet her?"

"Yeah. She's back from her business trip."

"I am looking forward to it," I smiled up at him and continued, "Why don't I meet her now?"

"Good idea," he said, dropping his hand from my waist and grasping my hand in his, leading me through the dance floor. We were a few feet away from her and Austin was about to make the introductions when I felt someone grab my other arm and start pulling me away.

"What's going on?" Austin asked, stalking after us.

"Brayden what are you doing?" I asked, trying to yank my hand out of his tight grip. Brayden ignored me and looked back at Gibbs.

"I left my keys inside, can I borrow your car?"

"Where are you going?" Gibbs asked, digging through his pocket for his keys.

"Rusty is here." I froze at the name and started looking around to see if I could spot anyone new. Then it hit me. My skin burned where Brayden was touching me and I yanked my arm harder to get out of his grasp.

"I thought he wasn't coming."

"Yeah, so did I. He just got here. I saw him a few minutes ago." Brayden answered Gibbs and then looked down at me, on eyebrow cocked. He loosened his grip on my arm but didn't entirely let go.

I watched Austin's keys fly through the air, but I caught them before they even had the chance to touch Brayden's skin.

"So let me get this straight," I said calmly, looking right into Brayden's eyes. "You saw Rusty."

"Yeah and that's why we need to go." I suddenly wanted to punch him as hard as I could and run back under the tent to try to find Rusty. I knew that I could do neither of these things.

"You saw him?" I asked again, raising my voice slightly, a glare prominent on my face.

It was then that Brayden realized his mistake and I watched as panic flashed over his eyes.

"So that line you fed me about not knowing who he was, that was bullshit?" I said even louder, trying to yank my arm away from again with no luck.

"Let me explain, Carolina, plea-"

"You lied to me?" I cut him off, shaking my head and finally breaking free from him, rubbing my arm where he had grabbed it. "You don't get to explain anything."

Brayden looked around us and grabbed onto my arm again, trying to lead me to the car. I stayed exactly where I was, standing my ground. I knew that he could easily throw my body over his shoulder like he had countless times before, but I wouldn't go without a fight, and I think he knew that.

"Come on, can we please just get out of here? I will explain it to you in the car."

"No," I said, shaking my head from side to side. "Why would you lie to me about this? Why would you lie about something that big, something that meant so much to me?"

"Carolina, come on, people are starting to stare."

"I've got this," an older man said, grabbing the keys from my hand and chunking them back at Austin, who was too drunk to catch them.

"It's okay, let me handle this," Brayden said, looking at the guy next to me, who just shot Brayden a warning look.

"Come on Carolina," the man said, leading me away.

"Wait, who are you? Why should I go with you?"

He smiled a toothy grin at me and let a chuckle escape from the back of his throat. "You are supposed to come to my house tonight anyway. My wife is already in the car. We've got your letter waiting for you."

"Thank god," I sighed, looking behind me only once to see my lying boyfriend watch my retreating form with a look of hurt paining his face.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

The car ride was quiet. The man in the front seat was singing along to the radio, while his wife stopped attempting to have a conversation with me. I think she knew that I wasn't trying to be rude; I just didn't feel like talking. I had just had my first fight with my boyfriend and it was one that I wasn't going to get over in a matter of hours, maybe even days. I tried to focus on other things, like the guy in the front seat. He was one of the most attractive people I had ever seen, and he was in his 40's. I could only imagine how attractive he was in the prime of his life. From what I could tell, he was easy going, and probably knew how to have fun. The guy had a great singing voice and I couldn't help but listen to the way he turned an old 90's pop song into something I would actually listen to on a daily basis.

"So," I finally spoke up, watching the man's eyes focus on me in the rearview mirror, "I'm Carolina. I'm 18 and I just got in the car with complete strangers. I think this could be the start of a horror movie."

The man chuckled again and his wife punched him from the passenger seat.

"Sorry, sorry," he chuckled again, rubbing his arm.

"I'm Parker. This," she said, punching the man again, "Is my husband, John. He's kind of an asshole."

"I am not," he stated, matter of factly. "I am a very charming gentleman. I love long walks on the beach, and enjoy relaxing in a nice warm bubble bath from time to time."

I smiled at him and his wife laughed, shaking her head. "Why did I marry you?"

"Mmmm, because you fell for me. Literally."

"I suppose you knocking me up had something to do with it."

"See, that's not fair. I didn't know that I knocked you up until a few years after you gave birth, so that is not a valid point."

"So you guys have a kid?" I piped in, trying to regain their focus.

"Yeah," John answered, stopping at a red light and focusing his attention back to me. "John Cornelius O'Callaghan the sixth."

"What a name."

"Hey, it's a fine, strong name!" he defended.

"Why didn't he come to the wedding?" I asked.

"He's touring with his band right now."

"Ah, like father like son?" I asked. "I mean, I assume you're in a band, right? Just about everyone else has been. Lead singer, maybe?"

"I was the lead singer of a little band called, 'The Maine.' You are correct."

"What was it like to be married to a rock star?" I asked Parker, who turned around to talk to me.

"It was hard, but I got used to it. He was gone 9 months out of the year, sometimes more. I don't think I would have traded it for the world though. That band made him who he is today. I happen to love who he is today."

"And I love you," he smiled, reaching across the console to grab a hold of her hand.

I felt my heart leap into my throat as I thought of Brayden and just how hurt I actually was that he lied to me. He didn't have to lie. He could have told me he knew who Rusty was and I wouldn't have bugged him about it. I know more than anyone else how important the secrecy was. Rusty didn't even know about me. My mom had this whole thing planned out and I wasn't about to ruin it when I was so close to finding out who he was.

I got weighed down with my thoughts and didn't even realize that the car had come to a stop and John was waiting for me to follow him inside.

It was then that I realized I was still barefoot and had left my regular clothes at the Brock's house. John must have read my mind or something because he told me that we would go back and get them in the morning, if I wanted to stay the night.

Of course I did. There was no way I could go back to the Nickelsen's and face Brayden, not yet. John led me to a spare room that I was meant to use for the night. I took my time in the bathroom, washing off all of my makeup and the remains of the day; unpinning my hair so that it was curly and loose around my face. I changed into an old Tom Petty shirt John let me sleep in as well as some shorts Parker provided. These people really didn't know me, but they went out of their way to make sure that I had everything I needed. I took a deep breath and was about to reemerge from my room, when I opened the door and found John on the other side. His hand was raised as if he was about to knock on the door, a bowl of ice cream chilling in his other hand.

"Oh," he smiled at me and held out the bowl of ice cream. "This is for you. I figured it had been a long day for you and you could use a little pick me up."

"You know," I smiled, grabbing the bowl out of his hand. "You sir, are a perfect person."

"I know. I tell myself that every single day," he smiled and started leading me through the house. "Parker left your letter on the kitchen table. We're going to go to bed soon, because we're old and can't hang like you young folks can anymore. Help yourself to any food or movies or anything. Mi casa es su casa."

"Hey John," I said after he started walking away. He turned around and cocked an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "Thank you. For everything."

"Anything for Lena's daughter. Absolutely anything." With a wink and smile, he was gone.

I set my ice cream on the table, grabbed the envelope and plopped down on a chair, tapping the thick paper between my fingers.

I opened the envelope and slid out the contents, plopping them down on the table with a sigh. I looked over to the chair next to me and thought of how Brayden was supposed to be sitting there. He was supposed to listen to me, or even read it out loud to me, but he wasn't. He wasn't because he was a liar.

"Well, mom, please cheer me up. For the love of god, please." I whispered under my breath, unfolding the papers and starting from the beginning.

_My sweet Carolina,_

_This is the last stop. I saved the best for last. I never wrote about John or Parker because I didn't get close to them until after Rusty and I had gone our separate ways. John was there for me when I needed him and even helped me move my things back to Seattle. I want to thank you for trusting me and taking this journey. If you've gotten this far, you haven't deviated from the path I set up for you. After today, the choice to meet Rusty or not is yours. John and Parker hold the last envelope that has his address in it. Just understand that when Rusty and I split up, it was my fault. I kept you a secret for a reason, but I never anticipated on leaving this world before you. Now I am gone and you need someone to rely on; someone to be there for you. I feel like Rusty could be that person, as well as all of the other people you have met along the way. I love you more than anything in this entire world and I want you to know that it's okay to mess up. It's okay to not know what you want right now. You're going to be just fine. I know your life is going to be filled with more loss, but it will also be filled with more love. Don't run away from it or hide from it like I did. Don't push it away, because every time you do, you lose a piece of yourself that you will never get back. It's been years and Rusty still has a big part of my heart and I never fully recovered. I'm not sure if I ever would have. Rusty gave me the best gift I could have ever asked for, and I know this sounds like something cliché from a movie, but you'll understand one day. _

_This is the last thing I have for you, Carolina. Never forget the 17 years we had together and never forget how much I truly love you. I hope someday you have a daughter that you love exactly the way I have loved you. I hope you tell her about the relationship we shared and how I wish I were still around to meet her. I hope you pass along our stories and our jokes. I hope you have memories like I have, memories that will never die. You're the reason my life had so much meaning. Don't ever change, baby girl. Be who you are and own it._

_I love you._

_P.S. It's okay to cry. Ignore the tearstains I left you._

I wiped the tears away from my eyes that I hadn't even realized had collected there and chuckled to myself as I noticed the smudges and stains left by her tears. She wasn't a really big crier, but when she did cry, it always seemed like it would never stop. I blinked away the tears and flipped the page. I glanced over the empty chair next to mine and shook my head again, taking a bite of my melted ice cream. I pushed the bowl away and focused on the last part of my mom's letter.

_We took our time getting to Seattle. I suppose that was an understatement. It took us a month. A month full of long conversations lying in bed in random hotel rooms. A month of exploring parts of California neither of us had been to before. We weren't in a hurry to get to Seattle. I knew Rusty was nervous about meeting my mom, but I was excited. I knew she would hate him solely based on the fact that she never liked any of the guys I had been with. If she hated him, then I was in the clear. I could get a visit out of the way and at the same time, tell her that I was never coming back to Seattle to live. There was nothing there for me now. My whole life was right next to me, and he would remain that way for as long as I could keep him. I literally caught myself looking at him while we drove down random stretches of highway and thinking to myself, "What did I do to deserve him?"_

_Of course our month spent on the road didn't go without a few hitches. We were starting to run low on money and Rusty was supposed to be heading home soon to tour. He kept telling me that he didn't want to go on tour. He didn't want to leave me for that long, and it always made me feel like I was an impending cloud of doom on his life. I was keeping him from things he loved, things he needed to do. I was keeping him from his fans and everything that made him the person he was._

_Austin called just about everyday and every once in a while I would let myself answer the phone just to clue him in on certain things, but I never told him enough to matter. I could tell he was getting more and more frustrated as the days passed, but that wasn't my concern. Nothing in Arizona mattered to me right now. Sure, I missed my friends, but I wasn't missing the mess we had left there. Austin told me at least once every time we talked how big of a coward I was being. That was usually when I hung up on him and told myself that I wouldn't answer his call the next time, but I usually did._

_We were a few minutes from my childhood house when I first felt nauseous. "Rusty pull the car over, please." I demanded, grasping for the door handle as soon as the car came to a stop._

"_Are you okay?" he asked, unbuckling his seatbelt, but I didn't have time to answer him before I watched the contents of my stomach empty out onto the side of the road. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and shook my head. "I think I'm just nervous."_

"_I think I'm the one that's supposed to be nervous here, Lenny."_

"_Well, I haven't been home in almost a year."_

"_It'll be okay. I'll be there with you," he said, kissing my forehead just before another wave of nausea hit me._

_Then it clicked. I wasn't nervous at all. I couldn't chalk it up to being something that I knew it wasn't. _

"_Can we stop at a pharmacy before we get to my mom's?" I asked, suddenly feeling lightheaded and weak. I was sure I was the color of a sheet._

"_Need to get something to settle your stomach?" Rusty asked, opening the car door for me._

"_Yeah," I lied. "Something to settle my stomach."_

_/\\/\\/\\/\\_

_After convincing Rusty that I was only going to be inside of the CVS, he finally let me go in alone. After grabbing a travel size bottle of mouthwash, I found myself in front of the pregnancy tests. This was an area of the store I had never thought I would ever find myself. There were so many to choose from, they all sort of jumbled together and left me with a huge headache. I grabbed the first one my fingertips came into contact with and started making my way to the counter to check out. Then I remembered that I had a purpose as to why I came into the store and grabbed something that would settle my stomach, even though I was pretty sure it wouldn't help. I had this gut feeling that Rusty and I had been so careless and our lives were about to drastically change._

_After paying, I shoved the test into my bag and carried the other two items out by themselves so that Rusty wouldn't suspect anything. I didn't want him freaking out, not yet._

_By the time we reached my mom's house, I had Rusty convinced that I felt 100% better. _

"_We'll get the bags later," I told him, grabbing onto his hand and leading him towards the door._

_I knocked on the door, and rubbed soothing circles into Rusty's hand with my thumb to try to calm his nerves. He was going to be fine, my mother never unleashed her fury on unsuspecting victims. She always saved that for me. _

"_You're going to be fine," I reassured him, leaning in to give him a quick peck. That was the moment my mother decided to fling the door open and stare at me with a disapproving look. _

"_Look what the cat dragged in," was her opening line. I slapped on a fake smile and took a step forward._

"_Hi, mom," I greeted, stepping forward again to embrace her in a hug. She didn't push me away, and I suppose that was a good sign. Normally she would have, but I suppose having Rusty there was like having a protective shield. She wouldn't show her ass in front of complete strangers._

"_And who is this?" she asked, pulling away from me and glancing over at Rusty._

_I introduced them, and well, you know your grandmother, she tried not to seem rude but failed miserably._

"_So, are you just passing through or are you actually staying?" she asked, leading us into the house that hadn't changed at all. " I mean, I haven't seen or heard from you in almost a year, what's changed? Do you need money? Are you pregnant? Do you need me to bail someone out of jail, I mean what is it this time?"_

_I took a deep breath and looked over at Rusty, who was rubbing at the back of his neck, avoiding any eye contact whatsoever._

"_No, mother. I just wanted you to meet Rusty. That's all."_

_She pursed her lips and looked over at Rusty with a sour face. "Let's go talk, Rusty. Just you and me."_

"_Mom, that's not really necessary," I groaned. "I just want this to be a normal visit."_

"_It will be. After I get to know Rusty one on one."_

"_It's fine, Lenny." He smiled and rested his hand on the small of my back. _

"_See, Lena. I'm not as terrible as you think I am."_

"_Right," I muttered under my breath, watching as she led Rusty away from me. I seized this opportunity and grabbed my bag, taking the stairs two at a time until I reached the upstairs bathroom connected to my old room. I closed the door and pulled the test out of my bag, following the directions to a tee. I sat down on the side of the tub, reading a shampoo bottle while I waited for the alarm on my phone to go off so that I could see the results. It was the longest five minutes of my life. I re-read the shampoo bottle at least 20 times until I got bored of it and threw it back into the tub. I jumped when the alarm sounded, not sure if I wanted to look. I had never wanted kids, they weren't for me. I wasn't fit to be a good mother. I was too selfish._

_I closed my eyes at tightly as I could and grabbed the stick, taking a deep breath before I allowed myself to check. I looked down and saw that stupid pink plus sign. I didn't cry like most girls did. This wasn't some great tragedy that struck my life at the worst possible time. I already put all of the pieces together and was about 80% sure of it. My life was officially about to change. Rusty's life was also about to change._

_Rusty. I thought about his band, his career, his life and how drastically it was all about to be rattled and shaken up. He was already talking about skipping the next tour, but I wasn't going to let him. It was who he was. _

_So that's when I thought up the plan. While my mother was downstairs grilling Rusty for information, I was upstairs, thinking of ways that I was going to avoid ruining his life. My life was about to change drastically, his wasn't. I wasn't going to let it._

_/\\/\\/\\_

"_So, was she terrible?" I asked as I fluffed my pillow and laid down on my bed. My mom and Rusty talked until about 11:30, but I was too physically and emotionally drained to legitimately care what they talked about._

"_No, I mean she was scary sometimes, but she generally cares for you. She just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to hurt you."_

"_Hah, yeah right, like she cares," I sighed, turning the light off and snuggling under the covers. _

"_What have you been doing this whole time?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me and tangling his legs between mine._

"_Nothing. Tumblr," I shrugged. "Just passing the time."_

_A little more meaningless chatter continued until finally I could hear Rusty's deep breaths confirming that he was asleep. I studied his features in the moonlight and tried to etch every single one of them into my memory. Tonight was going to be the last night that we were going to have together. I was going to make sure that he left tomorrow without a second glance back. I wasn't going to be the one responsible for ruining his life._

_Trust me, I am not saying that you would have ruined his life. If he stayed with me, he would done everything in his power to make sure that he was with us as much as he possibly could be. It was a decision that I had arrived at and the only decision that I could see working for everyone. _

_Please don't think I am a bad person. If I could have a do-over, I would have chosen something different, but I didn't. I was young and naive and this seemed to be the best option at the time._

_/\\/\\/\\_

_I didn't give him long to adjust to the morning sun before I was yelling at him. It was the only way I figured that this plan would work. I had to piss him off. Rusty and I had only ever fought once, and we promised we would never do it again, but I had no other choice._

"_Lena?" he said, confused as he tried to orient himself with the unfamiliar surroundings and the morning sun glaring right into his eyes._

"_We've made a hug mistake," I said again, even louder. "Rusty, we can't do this."_

"_What the fuck are you talking about?" he asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes._

"_Austin just called me," I lied, making a mental note to call Austin later and get him to cover for me. "He told me how everything there has gone to shit. We've ruined so much,"_

"_What could we have possible ruined?"_

"_Your band, Rusty. You haven't been to a band practice in over a month. You're supposed to leave for tour next week. Don't lie to me and tell me that you want to miss this next tour."_

"_I do want to miss it. I want to be with you –"_

"_No," I shouted, pacing the floor back and forth. "You can't miss this next tour. Don't you see how stupid that is? You can't skip a tour for a girl. You wouldn't have skipped the tour if you had married Rosie, would you?"_

"_No, but I've also had months and months with Rosie. I just got you. I don't want to let you go just yet."_

"_You have to. I won't let you break up the band just because of me."_

"_Wait, break up the band?"_

"_Yeah, you haven't talked to any of them in over a month, Rusty. What do you expect them to do? Wait for you to come play whenever you fucking feel like it?"_

"_Shit," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair, leaving it a mess. "So, I'll call them today. I'll sort it all out."_

"_No, you have to go," I said, walking over to where he was laying in bed and grabbing his hands to pull him out of bed. "You can't just throw it all away."_

"_Okay, so what if I go? You'll come with me, won't you?"_

"_Back to Arizona?"_

"_Yeah, back to Arizona."_

"_I need to stay here and help my mom out with a few things."_

"_Okay… but you'll be back, right?"_

"_Of course I'll be back," I said, the lie easily spilling from my mouth. I had to choke back the tears threatening to fall. _

"_You'll be back before I leave?" he asked, wrapping his arms around me._

"_I will," I nodded. He smiled and kissed my forehead. _

"_Okay."_

"_You should probably head back now though, get that extra practice time in."_

_He chuckled and pulled me closer to his body. "If I knew any better, I would say you are trying to get rid of me."_

_He had no idea how right he was. I took my time telling him goodbye. I let myself touch him, kiss him and hug him as much as I possibly could. I was trying to remember the way he smelled, the way he kissed me like I was the most precious thing on the face of the earth, the way he held onto me like he never wanted to let me go. _

_It wasn't the goodbye I wanted or the goodbye he even deserved, but I had to do it for him. _

_That was the last time I ever saw Rusty. I called Austin and told him what was going on later that day, and he told some of the guys, who all swore to keep my secret. Rusty left to go on tour with hopes that I would be there when he returned, but I wasn't. John and Ben moved all of my things back to Seattle. Ben surprisingly wasn't as mad as I thought he would be at me, but what I really wasn't expecting to receive was support from John. He told me that he would stand behind me through anything, and if I felt this was the right decision, so did he. I heard that Rusty came to look for me once after he figured out I was never coming back. By that time, your grandmother and I had moved across town into a bigger house, the house she lives in now. Every time his band traveled to Seattle, he always held out hope that I would show up at a show, but I never did. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I know I am a terrible person for leaving him the way that I did._

_I have never loved anyone since then. From what I have heard he tried to move on, but I don't think he will. _

_I hurt both of us enough to damage us permanently. I hope that you will explain all of this to him if you choose to meet him. Please tell him that I never stopped loving him and I regret what I did every single day of my life._

_I am sorry that I kept you from your father all of these years. I thought it was the best thing at the time._

_I love you, Carolina. _

_/\\/\\/\\_

I stumbled my way up the stairs and couldn't control the amount of tears that spilled over my eyelashes.

I wasn't crying because of the relationship I never had with my father. Hopefully that would all change.

It was the last letter I would ever receive from my mom. She was gone. That was it. I had nothing else to look forward to from her. No words of wisdom, nothing.

I picked up my phone that I had left lying on the bed and threw it across the room when I saw I had 14 missed calls from Brayden.

I forced myself to go to sleep so that the morning would come faster.

I was going to meet my dad.

Finally.


	14. The Background

My eyes blinked a few times before my brain fully comprehended what was happening. I heard the sporadic tapping on the window and focused on it, trying to understand what was happening in my half asleep stupor. I saw a rock hit the window, and then another and another. I felt my heart in my throat as I realized that it had to be Brayden with some bold attempt to get me to talk to him. I ignored it for a few minutes until he started shouting my name. I shot up from the bed and ran to the window in hopes of getting him to shut up before he woke the O'Callaghans. What I saw when I reached the window was something that I would remember for as long as I lived. I found myself smiling as John O'Callaghan stood firmly in his front yard, in nothing but boxer-briefs, scolding Brayden, who was pleading with him. John had his arm crossed firmly over his chest, his tall frame towering over Brayden. John shot down any attempt of Brayden trying to talk his way into the house. When Brayden looked up at my window as John started to yell at him, his eyes looked hopeful when they locked on mine. I shook my head and lowered the blinds, climbing back into bed. Maybe he would finally get the hint.

"So, I assume you saw the show last night?" John asked, not even looking up from the morning paper as I entered the kitchen. I just let out a sigh and a shrug as I stole a piece of his toast. He chuckled and continued, "That boy has got it bad. I'm going to have to call the cops if he doesn't leave."

I almost choked on the bit of toast I was currently chewing and stared at John. "You mean he's still here?"

"Yeah. Little punk slept on the porch swing."

"You are not going to call the cops on someone you have considered your nephew for eighteen years, John. Should I call Julia? I am sure she is worried." Parker chimed in, entering the kitchen and kissing John on the cheek as she passed.

"Nah," John shrugged. "He's eighteen. I was touring when I was that age. So was Garrett. So I am sure he knows that whatever Brayden is doing, it probably isn't even half as bad as what we did."

"Oh I am sure that will make Julia feel better. Me too, I am so glad you convinced me to let Johnny go on tour."

"He's fine, Parks."

"I can't believe he slept outside." she said, finally sitting down next to John and stealing his last piece of toast.

"All I wanted when I woke up was some damn toast. Now I have zero toast, thanks to you ladies, and zero bread." John whined, pushing his plate away.

"How am I going to get to Rusty's house if Brayden is waiting for me outside?" I asked, leaning back in my chair.

"I would have helped you if you hadn't have taken my toast," John grumbled, crossing his arms. I smiled as put that last bite of toast in my mouth and giggled as Parker did the same.

"Fucking women, I swear."

"We'll drive you," Parker offered, choking down the huge piece of toast she had just shoved in her mouth.

"No offense, I mean you guys have been nothing but nice to me, but,"

"This is something you have to do alone." John cut in with a wink. "We understand. I'll go call you a cab."

I went upstairs to change back into the clothes I had arrived in. I set the clothes they let me borrow on the bed and stared at myself in the mirror. I rubbed the smudged make-up from under my eyes and ran my fingers through my curly locks. I wished I had other clothes but I did not want to waste any time going to get them. After 18 years, I was finally going to meet my dad. I was going to get to know him; he was going to be in my life. I slipped the flip-flops that Parker let me borrow onto my feet and looked around the room.

"Carolina, your cab's here!" I heard John call from the bottom of the stairs. I slowly exhaled and grabbed my phone. I ran down the stairs and into John's warm embrace. "Do you need me to come outside with you and take care of Brayden?"

"I think I can handle it," I said, leaving his arms and engulfing Parker in a hug.

"Don't be a stranger. We are selfish people who definitely want to see you again."

"I'll be back, I promise."

They handed me the very last envelope with my father's address on it. This was it. I stepped onto the front porch and was instantly met with Brayden. He looked like a complete mess. Good.

"Carolina,"

"Don't." I sighed, pushing past and walking towards my cab. He grabbed onto my arm in attempt to stop me but I broke free and turned around and let him have it.

"WHAT?" I shouted, my eyes flickering back to the O'Callaghan's house, where John and Parker were both watching out of a window. "What do you want?"

"You. I want you. I want you to listen to me and understand why I did what I did."

"Why? Are you just going to lie some more? Are you going to cover up your lie with more lies and eventually be buried under a mountain of lies? I don't associate with liars, let alone date them."

"Are you seriously breaking up with me over this?"

"Look, Brayden. What you did, I don't know if I can forgive you for it. You didn't have to lie to me. If you would have just told me that you knew who Rusty was but couldn't tell me, that would have been okay. I would have known that you were doing it because I was supposed to find out the way my mother had intended. You didn't have to lie." I sighed as the cab driver honked his horn. "Stop calling me."

"Carolina, please don't do this," I heard him say from behind me as I climbed into the cab. I didn't watch him as the cab drove away. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts and fears.

When the cab pulled up to a small, picture perfect house, I suddenly couldn't make my legs move. The cab driver turned around and looked at me, waiting for me to do anything. I forgot where I put the 20-dollar bill that John let me borrow. Not having my belongings was really a huge pain in the ass.

"Are you okay, miss?" he asked, and I nodded, swallowing down my fear and finally locating the crumpled dollar on the floorboard. I handed it to him and pushed the door open, trying to will my legs to work. When I was finally on solid ground, I noticed the immaculate yard and I let out a sigh. I may have been harsh on Brayden, and I would eventually get over it, but it would take a while for me to forgive him.

I knew he was home. I didn't see a car in the driveway, but I am sure it was in the garage. I made John call him beforehand to see if he had plans today because I didn't want to waste any time if he wasn't going to be here.

"You can do this." I said, trying to pump myself up. "You can go tell a man that doesn't even know you exist that you are his daughter. You can do it."

I marched up to the front door and knocked before I lost my nerve. I could hear my heart beat; it was all I could hear. I tuned out the rest of the world. I think it was the longest moment of my whole life, waiting for him to open the door. The doorknob twisted and I froze. I know I looked like a complete idiot, but I couldn't help that.

"Can I help… " he started, but trailed off, looking right into my eyes. There it was. We did have the same eyes, not the color, but the shape. I was sure he noticed to too.

"Hi," I said, but that was all I could come out with.

"Hello," he replied, looking down at my dress. "Were you in the wedding yesterday?"

"Oh," I nodded, looking down at my dress. "I was, yes."

We awkwardly stood there for a moment before he spoke up again.

"You remind me of someone I used to know," he said, with a sad smile.

"Her name wouldn't be Lena, by any chance, would it?" I asked.

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me.

"I mean… god this isn't going how I have wanted it to go for eighteen years," I muttered, under my breath.

"Is this a joke?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. "Because I feel like this is a joke."

"What do you mean?"

"Who are you?"

"Oh." I bit my lip, not liking his sudden change in tone. "My name is Carolina Morris-"

"You're Lena's daughter?"

"And yours," I said, just coming out with the truth as fast as I could.

I could practically hear his whole world coming to a stop. The look on his face made me wish I could run away.

"What?" was all he could say; it took everything he had to force out that one word.

"Actually, my name is Carolina Morris Richards," I continued, shifting my weight to my other foot. "I know this is a lot to take in, you know. I've known that I've had a father my entire life, and you… well you're just now learning that you've had a daughter for eighteen years, but I think-"

"Wait," he said, shaking his head from side to side. "Carolina Morris Richards," he repeated. "As in my… as in you are my daughter?"

I was silent as I let him take it all in. He kept looking over all of my features, trying to understand. I know this was a lot for him to take in, but I felt like I was going to explode at any given minute.

"I'm-" he started, wiping his hands on his jeans, "I'm Justin," he stuck his hand out to me and I took it, finally learning my fathers name. I dropped his hand and wrapped my arms around him, taking in everything. The way he smelled, the way his small frame felt underneath my embrace. I slowly backed away when I realized he wasn't hugging me back.

"I'm sorry," I said, my arms hugging my own body as I took a step back. "I've just been picturing this moment my whole eighteen years, you know? I always pictured it differently."

"Carolina, I'm sorry, but I am not sure how I am supposed to feel." He said, calmly. "I haven't heard from your mom in eighteen years, she made it perfectly clear that she didn't want me. Then out of the blue, you show up and say you are my daughter and, Jesus, you look just like your mom. It just brings up a lot of bad memories, memories I have suppressed for a long time."

I just stood awkwardly in front of him, waiting for the big moment where he changed his mind about me and invited me in so that we could catch up on the past 18 years we had been apart, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Where is your mom?"

"You really don't know?" I asked, biting my lip. Of course nobody told him. That was apparently my job. "Can I come in?" I asked, starting to feel the beads of sweat run down my back. "I feel like we should talk inside."

He didn't say anything,; he just pushed the front door open and motioned for me to come inside. He led me down a hallway that had a lot of pictures lining the walls. Most of them were of his band, that apparently contained Nick, Halvo and Andrew. There were more pictures of him and two other guys; they looked like another band. There were some of him and my mom and it threw me off. If it was so painful for him, why would he want the memories taunting him every single day.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked. I politely declined and sat down in a chair opposite of him.

"Mom," I started, dreading the next sentence I would say. It would probably be the most painful of all of the times I had said the sentence in my life. "Lena, she, she died last year."

He was silent for a few minutes. I watched as tears silently rolled down his face and I couldn't help the tears that escaped my eyes.

"How?" was all he asked.

"She had cancer," I answered when I could finally trust my own voice.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I am sure that was very hard on you," he said, blinking his own tears away.

"It was hard; she was a great mom. She left me with this gift for my eighteenth birthday. It was a letter and it had an address in it. And that address led me to Arizona, where I met all of these amazing people along the way. I got letter after letter and address after address until they all led me to you."

"These people, were they my friends?" he asked, curious.

"Yes. Your band mates and some other friends."

"So, what you mean to tell me is that all of my friends knew that you existed. They all knew that Lena- that she-" he shook his head, he couldn't even say it. "They knew and none of them told me."

I didn't say anything, because I had no idea what I could say that would make him feel any less betrayed.

We were silent for a few more minutes until he finally spoke up. "If you don't mind, Carolina, I would really like to be alone right now."

I didn't think twice before I jumped out of my chair and ran out of the front door, smack into Brayden, who was waiting for me. He took in the tears and wrapped his arms around me, trying to whisper sweet nothings into my ear but I didn't want that right now.

"Will you just stop it?!" I yelled, pushing him away. "Get it through your head that I don't need you. I don't need you now, I don't need you ever."

"Carolina, stop it. You don't mean that."

"Oh, I don't?" I asked, shaking my head. "I don't need any of you. I don't need Arizona, I don't need my dad and I definitely don't need you, Brayden."

I took off running, of course I had no idea where I was. I used my cell phone to call a cab once I was convinced that Brayden wasn't following me. I went back to The Nickelsen's house to get my bags. Of course, I had no money so I had to run up to the tree house to scrounge together enough to pay the cab driver. By the time I returned, the cab was gone and Garrett was standing there, hands in his pockets.

"Hey," he said, walking towards me. "I paid the cab driver, so don't worry about that," he said, pointing to the money I had in my hands. He took in the way I must have looked and started to play the concerned parent role, which was something I did not need at the moment.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," I nodded with a shrug.

"You haven't seen my son around, have you?"

I rolled my eyes and shrugged. "I'm sure he'll be home soon. He's been chasing me all morning."

"Ah," Garrett replied, obviously not wanting to get into our business. "I thought you were supposed to meet Rusty today."

"Oh," I sighed, nodding. "You don't have to call him Rusty anymore. I know his name is Justin."

"Thank god, it was getting really hard to call him by another name."

"So you met him? Great guy right? Are you here to get your things to go stay with him for a while?"

"Uh," I thought about lying. I could have easily lied and slipped away unnoticed, but I wasn't that kind of person. I didn't lie. I wasn't like Brayden. "Yeah. I met him. And no, I am actually going back to Seattle."

"You're what?" Julia said, walking over to where Garrett and I were having our exchange in the yard.

"I'm getting all of my things and going back to Seattle."

"I thought you were going to stay here?"

"Look, you guys have been great, you've all been so great, but as much as I thought I could have called Arizona my home, I can't. I grew up in Seattle, my grandmother is there, you know, she's my family."

"I thought we could have been your family too," Julia said, looking hurt, which is not what I had meant to do.

"Brayden is going to be crushed."

"If it's all the same to you, I don't want to talk about Brayden. I don't want to talk about Justin and I just want to go back home," I said, bursting into tears when I tried to keep it all together. Garrett and Julia both engulfed me in hugs and tried to calm me down.

"We're sorry you didn't find what you were looking for here," Julia said. "I mean, I don't know what happened with Justin, but he's a really good guy and if he did something that hurt you, that's out of character for him."

"You know," I sniffled, wiping my nose. "Why didn't anyone tell him that my mom died? Why did you all keep it a secret?"

"Because your mom asked us to. Just like she asked us to keep you a secret."

"I ambushed him with my presence and if that wasn't enough, I had to tell him that the fucking love of his life is dead. How do you think he reacted? I just want to go home."

"We can't stop you, Carolina," Garrett sighed, "In fact, if you want, we can drive you to the airport, but we've all gotten really attached to you. You're like our daughter, and I know that a lot of the people you have met along the way feel the same way."

"I really don't mean to hurt you guys," I said, "but I hope we can keep in touch."

They didn't argue anymore. They drove me to the airport where I booked the first flight back to Seattle. I closed the window as my plane took off, I didn't need to the reminder of how things had gone to complete shit in a matter of 24 hours. I didn't need the reminder of all of the things Arizona didn't have in store for me after all. I didn't plan on returning. All of those wonderful people I had met didn't begin to outweigh the pain that I felt right now. I hope they could forgive me. I hope Justin had a nice life and things returned back to normal for him. We had gone 18 years without each other, we could go many more.


	15. Never Let You Go

A few months had passed. I had zero contact with anyone in Arizona anymore, but that was my choice. Garrett and Julia had called me a few times, as well as Austin and Halvo. Brayden called me every single day for the first month, but he since stopped. My voice mailbox was full and I had no intentions of ever cleaning it out. I had only listened to a few voicemails at first; then I just let it go. It wasn't going to help me get over anything. It wasn't going to make my father want to get to know me. My life had gone back to normal. I started school at the University of Washington and took a job at a café that was within walking distance of my very own apartment. I still visited my grandmother every single day, but I couldn't live with her anymore. I would never get used to being in that house without my mother's presence. I don't think my grandmother would either, but she tends to handle things more gracefully than I do. I may not have done the right thing by running away from Arizona and everything that I had there, but I have never regretted it a single day. Don't get me wrong; I did miss the people there. They were always there for me and they all did their best to help my mother's plans unfold, but the plan was a bust. The way things ended aren't how my mother had planned, of that I was sure.

It was midterms week and I was trying my hardest to balance studying with work. I didn't have much of a social life to throw into the balancing act, but I was glad. That was one less thing I would have to handle. I had my Literature book balanced on the bar so that I could read in between checking on my tables. The container of coffer to my right was the only thing keeping my brain working and my muscles moving. I couldn't remember the last time I slept. My shift was over in a few minutes and as soon as my tables left, I was free to go, and I had an intense date later with the library.

As soon as my last table left, I cashed out with my manager and grabbed my book, darting out into the crisp fall air. I started walking to the direction of the library when I accidentally bumped into someone. "Sorry," I muttered, looking up to see who it was and my heart stopped.

"You're fine," the person said and kept walking. I watched as someone who looked like Joel Kanitz walked away. It must not have been him because he kept walking. I shook my head and continued on my way. I passed someone reading a newspaper on a bench who looked just like Andrew Cook, but he glanced at me and kept reading. I shook my head again and kept making my way to the library. I suppose my mind was telling me that I missed Arizona more than I let myself believe. I turned the block and did a double take when I thought I saw Julia and Garrett.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered to myself. "They aren't here, stop thinking they are."

"Who isn't here?" someone to my right asked. I instantly recognized the voice and would be lying if I said that it didn't make me even the slightest bit happy.

"Gibbs?" I asked, finally allowing myself to turn my head a few inches to look. He threw his arm over my shoulder and started leading me in the opposite way of the library.

"You know, I've always liked Seattle in the fall. Something about the temperature just rubs me in all the right ways."

"What are you doing here? So I actually did bump into Joel? And I saw Andrew reading a paper and I saw Julia and Garrett crossing the street?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked with a smile. I rolled my eyes and stopped walking.

"Seriously, what are you doing here?"

"Look Carolina, we know what that what happened to Rusty-"

"Justin," I corrected him and he rolled his eyes.

"We know that what happened with Justin wasn't how you wanted it to go down, but that didn't mean that you had to leave so fast. You didn't even say goodbye to all of us."

"All of you?" I asked, suddenly looking to my left to see a huddled mass of faces that I knew so well, crowding the sidewalk. Faces that I had missed more than I let myself admit.

"All of us," Peyton said, wrapping her arm around Kennedy, who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh my god," I breathed, allowing a smile to settle on my face.

"It took a few days and a few planes, but here we are," Nick said, stepping forward to grip me in a hug that was more of a death grip.

"God, I was not expecting this," I finally said, stepping forward to start giving everyone hugs. I made my way through the crowd, laughing and smiling with everyone who made the trip to come see me. I finally made my way to the back, where Julia and Garrett were waiting.

"I'm so sorry with how I left things," I started, awkwardly tugging on my hands. I didn't know what to do with them. "I never meant to hurt you guys. Any of you," I said looking at everyone else. "I just thought maybe my life would be better going back to normal."

"Sweetie, we understand. It's okay, we completely understand." Julia said, placing her hand on my cheek and looking into my eyes. "We were all selfish and wanted you to stay there forever. I also think that you should know something," she continued, dropping her hand from my face.

"What is it?" I asked, looking from Julia to Garrett.

"It was us who told Brayden to lie to you. Before you even came, that was the game plan. We weren't expecting you and Brayden to start dating or anything like that. We told all of the kids to do that because we didn't trust them not to ruin everything. So we ask that you stop punishing him for something we told him to do."

I bit my lip and let out a sigh. I nodded and shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, tell him that I am sorry things ended the way they did. God, I was so hard on him, wasn't I?"

"You should tell him yourself," they said, separating to reveal Brayden, who I assume had been there the whole time. Before I could even comprehend what was going, he wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss to my forehead.

"I'm so sorry for lying to you, Carolina."

"God, I didn't allow myself to miss you for all of this time, but seeing you here, right in front of me, it makes me regret all of the time I've wasted being foolish and selfish. I should have let you explain everything to me."

"None of that matters," he shrugged, pulling me closer. "I love you, Carolina."

"I love you too," I said, meaning every word. I heard the "awe's" and the claps erupting behind us as Brayden leaned in to kiss me. I smiled and let myself get lost in his embrace, laying my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes. When I opened them, the one person I didn't expect to see there was standing a ways down the block, pacing back and forth, rehearsing something over and over. He kept shaking his head and talking to himself. I turned around to look at everyone. They all smiled and motioned for me to go talk to him. I looked at Brayden, who kissed the top of my head and nodded. I handed him my school bag and stuck my hands in my jacket.

"I don't know if I can do this," I said to the crowd of people behind me. They all looked so hopeful.

"You can do this. He didn't fly here just for the coffee, you know," John piped in. I nodded and started making my way down the sidewalk.

I stopped a few feet short, not wanting to scare him off. He looked pretty deep in conversation with himself. He almost looked crazy. I cleared my throat and he practically jumped out of his skin, focusing his attention on me.

"Carolina," he said, tucking his free hand into the front pockets of his jeans, his other hand holding a wrapped gift. "Hi."

"Hello," I replied, politely.

"Do you want to go get some coffee? I feel like a circus monkey with all of them watching," he laughed, nodding in the direction of all of his friends. I looked back at them and laughed, nodding my head.

"I know a great place," I replied, as I started walking to the café I had left a few minutes before. He fell in step with me, but we were silent for most of the walk. When we reached the café, I told him to grab us a table as I got our coffees. He offered to pay, of course, but I declined.

"I work here, so it's free," I shrugged as he smiled and nodded, going off to pick out a booth.

I sat down across from him, setting his coffee in front of him. "I hope you don't mind, I mean, my mom said in one of her letters that you liked your coffee the same way she did, so if that's changed, I'll get you a new cup." I informed him.

"Pumpkin spice," was what he said.

"I'm sorry?" I asked, confusion painting my face.

"You like pumpkin spice."

I froze and looked at him. He was fidgeting with the lid of his coffee, not making eye contact. "You like pumpkin spice," he repeated.

"How did you know that?" I asked. He ignored my question and grabbed the wrapped present, sliding it across the table.

"I want you to have this," he told me. I eyed the gift and then slid it back to him.

"I don't mean to be rude, Justin, but if you think you can buy me after what happened, I don't-"

"I'm not trying to buy you," he said, finally looking at me. "Your mom would have wanted you to have this."

I nodded and sat my coffee down. It was a vinyl, I could tell just by the shape of the package.

"Should I open it now," I asked.

"Go ahead," he smiled, and I smiled back, ripping the corner off of the carefully wrapped package.

"Jesus Christ," I said, pulling the vinyl from the wrapping.

"Your favorite artist is Ryan Adams, and that is your favorite album of all time."

I nodded, running my fingers across the very same "Love is Hell" vinyl that my mom bought Justin many Christmases ago. I smiled and looked at him again. "You're scared of heights. You hate onions and you've never made below an 'A' in your life."

"How do you know all of this?"

He sighed and took a sip of his coffee. "As soon as you left, Brayden barged into my house. He told me what an idiot I was being, that you would have been the greatest thing that ever happened to my life, just like you were to his. He told me some of the things I was missing with you, how great of a person you were and how you didn't deserve what I did. He's never talked down to me, the whole eighteen years he's been alive, but when it comes to you, he'd do anything," he smiled and shook his head. "You've gone eighteen years without me, Carolina. You've known about me for all of this time, but I didn't even know you existed until you came to my house. I really didn't mean to treat you the way I did, I hope you understand that I am not that kind of person. You just dropped all of this information on me so fast that I had whiplash, you know?"

I nodded and bit my lip. "I know, I am really sorry about that. When I get nervous, I tend to talk too much and not really think about what I am saying. I've always had a level head but I am not good with things like this." I paused and took a deep breath. "You know, every year for Christmas, I always asked Santa to bring you back to my mom and me. It never happened. She was always so sad, but she always thought that I didn't notice. She missed you; she always missed you. She never told me about you, though. I think it was because she didn't want me going to look for you and turning your whole life upside down, but that's exactly what I did."

"You didn't turn it upside down, you just shook it up a little bit," he smiled and shrugged. "I just don't know why Lena didn't tell me she was pregnant. I never understood what I did wrong in that relationship. I guess that's why I've never moved on. I always held out hope that maybe one day, she would remember that what we had was special."

"She always knew that it was." I took a deep breath and began to tell him the things my mom told me to tell him. "She didn't want you to jeopardize your whole career. She knew that you were planning on missing out on tour for her, and that was crazy. She didn't want that to happen. Leaving you was one of the hardest things she ever had to do," I said, reaching across the table to place my hand on top of his. He didn't move away, which I thought was progress. "If she would have told you that she was pregnant, you would have thrown it all away for us."

"But that would have been my decision," he said slowly. "I loved your mother more than I have ever loved anything or anyone. When she never came back to Arizona, I felt like I lost a part of myself. I did lose a part of myself. There were dark days after that. I spent the past eighteen years trying to move on, but nobody even came close to Lena. All that I wanted my whole life was a wife and a family. The bands, they both meant a lot to me, but I knew they wouldn't last forever. A family does." I retracted my hand and sat back in my booth, thinking about what he was saying. "I finally have a shot at a family," he continued, rubbing the back of his neck, "and I've already managed to screw it up once. I don't want to miss out on anymore of your life, Carolina. You're my daughter. I wish I could have been there for you for the past eighteen years, but there's nothing we can do about that now. What I want is to be a part of your future. I want to have celebrate holidays together, I want to walk you down the aisle at your wedding. I want to do stupid family vacations where we road trip and stop at stupid places. I want to be your father, if you'll let me. I feel like e have a lot of catching up to do, and if it's okay by you," he paused, looking at me and smiling, "I think that we should start right now."

I smiled and slid out of the booth, watching as he did the same. I wrapped my arms around him and this time, he pulled me tightly to his chest, returning the hug. I hadn't noticed the tears in my eyes or the massive crowd of people that had just gathered at the windows, cheering at our little exchange. It may not have been the vision I had planned out in my head since I was a little girl, but it was even better. My father wanted to be a part of my life. He wanted to be there for me, and I suppose my mother knew that he would all along. She may not have thought it through, but she knew both of us, the two most important people in her life. She knew that everything would be okay in the end. And it was.

So don't run away from things when they get difficult or scary. I suppose I had to learn that the hard way. Never give up hope, because life may just surprise you. It works out the way it is meant to.


End file.
